Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Finished songs
I Don't Want to Intrude
MichaelA:
Ironic little number, and I liked the delicacy of this backing track. Very natural sound, obviously quite different to your 80s stuff, but refreshing.
Really well sung and a pretty neat chorus. Harmonies v nice and I agree with the comment above that asked for them in earlier.
I think I am going to enjoy this new direction of yours. Lovely! :)
MonnoDB:
Beautiful vocal, great melody and the lyrics are interesting and engaging.. Great intelligent pop tune @jacksimmons ! Big thumbs up :)
jacksimmons:
--- Quote from: Younger Hills on June 07, 2019, 03:24:59 PM ---This is good! First off you have a fabulous voice and the vocal melody is perfect throughout the song. I like the guitar on this one :) The lyrics are also good, and they tell a great love story.
Nice job on this! :)
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you like the guitar although it's pretty...rustic? This is pretty much the first time I have played electric guitar on one of my songs haha. Thanks for listening!
--- Quote from: PaulyX on June 07, 2019, 07:29:47 PM ---I really really like the incidental details in your lyrics mate. I always do. But here especially... the snow in the hair, the spider in the hall... just ace, they give clues to a much wider story than 3 minutes would normally permit. The line "I'll give you 10 years" really made me think too... is the narrator cynically saying the relationship will not last forever? Or saying that their partner could talk for 10 years and they'd still be listening? Either way, cool line. Great the way the bass comes in near the end, and excellent vocal delivery. Only the first line felt very rushed / unintelligable to me... could you thin some words out? Lose "The day I..."? That's my only nit - very nice, folk-tinged, charming track.
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Hi Paul! Thanks for listening! I have had second thoughts about the first line too. At first I thought it was zany but now I wonder if I should change it. I am glad you liked the lyrics. It is something I work on a lot having the lyrics be personal but also vague and ambiguous enough to have wider appeal. As for your question about the nten years line...maybe that is best left unanswered haha. Thanks for listening!
--- Quote from: Bill Saunders on June 08, 2019, 10:00:12 AM ---The guitar rhythm reminded me of Johnny Marr round about the Queen is Dead era. Your voice on this is outrageous! It makes it a memorable and original listen. I get the organic thing, but I think the vocals could do with a pitching tweak in just one or two places.
The song itself is excellent - really enjoyed it!
--- End quote ---
Thanks very much Bill! Johnny Marr is one of my guitar heroes but I can't accept the compliment. My electric guitar playing here is akin to a monkey playing chess. I'm just throwing the pieces around and trying to eat the board. I am very happy to be outrageous...as long as it is a compliment haha. If you could let me know which parts of the vocal you thought could do with a going over I would be very grateful. Sometimes you can become blind to pitch issues after a while. Glad you liked the tune. Thanks for listening.
--- Quote from: shadowfax on June 08, 2019, 02:00:44 PM ---Lovely song..great singing, reckon the harmonies could've come in earlier though, fab lyrics..just fab!! not sure about leaving mistakes in a song though...although nothing stood out as wrong in this track.. :) :)
best, Kevin :)
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Thank you very much Kevin. Well, I am not so much leaving blatant mistakes in with this new approach but keeping in imperfections. So for instance there are a few times you can hear the guitar strings rattle on the acoustic, and there are little imperfections in the drumming pattern to make it all feel slightly more human. Great to hear you enjoyed the lyrics. Thanks for listening!
--- Quote from: MichaelA on June 08, 2019, 07:03:41 PM ---Ironic little number, and I liked the delicacy of this backing track. Very natural sound, obviously quite different to your 80s stuff, but refreshing.
Really well sung and a pretty neat chorus. Harmonies v nice and I agree with the comment above that asked for them in earlier.
I think I am going to enjoy this new direction of yours. Lovely! :)
--- End quote ---
Thank you very much Michael! I think this sound is more natural to me as well. It was the kind of thing I started writing when I first picked up a guitar. Thanks for listening!
--- Quote from: MonnoDB on June 09, 2019, 10:33:51 PM ---Beautiful vocal, great melody and the lyrics are interesting and engaging.. Great intelligent pop tune @jacksimmons ! Big thumbs up :)
--- End quote ---
Thanks @MonnoDB glad you enjoyed it :)
macker71165:
Great tune mate well sung👍
Skub:
Yo Jack.
A seemingly effortlessly engaging track,fragile,delicate and sweet.
That's all I have,Jack!
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