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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Melusine2 on January 23, 2021, 02:22:39 PM
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Hello,
I wanted to share my first compo done in one week.
First, I bought a keyboard last saturday :), and then played with studio one with sounds.
I started with the choice of the drums sample, and the bass sample.
I build the chords based on the bass and tried it to build it as a song.
John has accepted to make the guitars on it and I worked with some pieces of them. Thanks @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , because it has given shape to it.
Then the vocals melody and the lyrics....and Mixing ???
I hope it is not too bad, here the link,
https://soundcloud.com/cecile_333/choisis-tes-couleurs-v34
and the lyrics, even if it is in french (sorry !)
Choisis tes couleurs
qui viennent de l’intérieur
Sans jamais douter
Du lendemain
Croire au destin
Sans en voir la fin
Vivre à sa façon
Comme un marathon
Choisis tes couleurs
D’ici et d’ailleurs
Ose m’aborder et Voyager
jusqu’au Confins des cimes sibyllines
Vivre à toute vitesse
Succomber à l’ivresse
Je suis Encore grisée
Par les feux follets
de Cette vie agitée
que l’on Boit jusqu’à la lie
sans jamais s’égarer
A l’abri des regards
Sans rien laisser au hasard
Se laisser s’égarer
Et papillonner
Se laisser s’embrasser
Se laisser aller
Choisis tes couleurs
qui viennent de l’intérieur
Sans jamais douter
Du lendemain
Ose m’aborder et Voyager
jusqu’au Confins des cimes sibyllines
Vivre à toute vitesse
Succomber à l’ivresse
Je suis Encore grisée
Par les feux follets
de Cette vie agitée
que l’on Boit jusqu’à la lie
sans jamais s’égarer
A l’abri des regards
Sans rien laisser au hasard
Se laisser s’égarer
Et papillonner
Se laisser s’embrasser
Se laisser aller
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@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580),
Oh not what have you done? Your accomplice, Mr @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) is a co conspirator, leading you down the road to songwriting perfection. Songwriting and production is a little like searching for the holy grail. You'll never have a peaceful day again in your lifetime. ;D
Aside from that, you're so fortunate to be able to sing so well. This is the number 1 ingredient. Lovely guitars here too. Now I will have to get my translation from my partner Marie. Great steps into the world of writing.
Well done
Paul
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@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) first effort? Awesome!! You’ve got a great voice, nice feeling of tension through the song, nice space in the mix... good instrumentation... I notice you used the same repeating bass riff through the song, sometimes that works but I think it needs a bit more variation through this as it’s such a strong element, pretty damn good though👍👍
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I have a soft spot for anything that's sung in French. I don't speak it very well I'm afraid. Yeah I like the guitar breaks - it takes it in a different direction when you don't expect it. It's a bit meandering if you don't mind me saying - also the end is a bit abrupt, but I love the atmosphere you've created here. A big thumbs up here. :)
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@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) - this is great!!! And for a first composition, even moreso! Congrats! You know you're in trouble now that you've been bitten by the songwriting bug... It won't let go! Welcome to the club!
Great sound, lovely vocals, great lyrics and well.. just brava, Mrs!! Well done!!! You've done a fine job mixing in @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) s fabby guitar work also.. You're a natural!
Karen
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Seriously good sound here! Lots of dynamic interest in the way you have woven these instruments together.
Man, that distorted guitar just really works. Excellent vocal performance, excellent production all around.
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Awesome song!!
Very smooth.........and I just have a thing for the French language, especially when from le femme.
;-) -T
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@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi, great singing, as usual! Nice guitar from John too. First composition? Well done!
Cheers
Jamie
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) thank you :), yes songwriting seems to take a lot of time 😁, and it is true that John is responsible for this first try, hopefully his guitars has given color to the song.
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) thank you :), need to learn more about the studio one features that could make easier to do, i built it mostly thanks to my ears, the bass riff was the base of the track, i think i won't be able to reproduce it or make it evolves, but you are right it should 🙂
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) thank you :), true the chorus is too long for me i think, and hopefully guitar solo from John gives shape to the compo
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) : thank you Karen, the way will be long but it is pleasant, it is true ! During the week i was on this track , couldn't do anything else to try to improve it 😁😁.
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) : thank you 🙂
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Beautiful guitar sound at the beginning. Love this melody. Excellent vocal!
Maya
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Lovely singing, nice big,catchy chorus. Johns guitars are ace! Very nice for your first song. well done! 😄🎶👊🏻🎶 that’s it....you will never be “present” in a conversation again...you will always be thinking about your songs!😆👍🏻 Good luck!
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Very good first composition @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580). Your voice sounds very familiar. I can't think why... ;D but it is very unique and cool sounding.
It was bound to help having John assisting on guitar, but you can also get chord apps these days that can help you with progressions that you can sing on top of, I am sure we will hear a lot more from you now you have made a start. All the very best with it! :)
The song has got a very chilled out vibe to it and the melody promises well for the future.
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Fantastic (and not just for a first song).
It feels well produced and put together (bass a little bit heavy?).
Some nice interesting lyrics as well - I like images and words that we don't hear every day like sybillines and feux follets.
It's very handy to have a great guitarist to add some magic as well.
Looking forward to your next ones!
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@Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) & @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) : thank you 🙂
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) ;) & @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) : thanks :), the next one is not planned yet 🙂 , for the lyrics it is like a flow, let it go without too thinking of what could be next, sometimes some image appears :)