The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on July 10, 2016, 09:42:38 PM
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hello
Vicki (CaliaMoko) and myself got together to collaborate on an entry for the "bare bones" competition and we came up with this song following the recent discovery of King Richard III's body which was found under a car park in Leicester...
https://soundcloud.com/thefuneralcrasher/bare-bones-pay-and-display
Bare Bones
His bones conceal a tale no bard could ever tell
Of how he laughed and loved; of how he fought and fell
He died a hero; He was the last king of his kind
But the truth gets buried if the storyteller’s blind
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pay and Display
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pray and Decay
He fought for honour and he cut their banner down
They heard his dying breath in every English town
And so they butchered him while traitors stood aside
Yet good men straight and true stayed with him as they died
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pay and Display
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pray and Decay
The shattered corpse of England's King displayed for all to see
His bones will keep their secrets ’til the truth can set him free
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pay and Display
Bare bones! Bare bones! We Pray and Decay
i'm no historian, as you can perhaps tell :) but it seemed to us that Richard got a very raw deal from history...partly because of a certain W Shakespeare.
He was the last English King to die in Battle. And the sword that killed him was probably mightier than the pen.
Should anyone feel so inclined, there's some further reading here
http://richard111.com/Richard%20III.htm
I loved working on this with Vicki...i wish we'd been closer and had more time to devote to it...but I enjoyed it so much - i've thrown it out there just as it is...first mix and a little rough around the edges...any thoughts most welcome!
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This is bloody marvelous and not at all what I was expecting. Paul gets all Wilco on the Tele and Vicki turns rocker!
Raw and rawkin' it is fo sho. 8)
On my playlist straight off. It's a winnah,well done you two,a monster is born. :D
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excellent lyric
as skubbly said hadnt expected this to be uptempo what with the subject
but its immediate and love the contrasting vocals
vickys crystal and pauls edge..
great solo
fab combination
good luck in the comp you two
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Paul and Vicki - This is absolutely great. Great subject matter for a start. Pay and display cracked me up. Excellent lyrics and this really rocks as well. Great guitar and Vicki's vocals compliment the song so well. An absolute winner from you guys. See, I'm singing it already and only listened to it twice :)
Cheers
John
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This is great! Rocking guitar ang great story telling! Bit rough ( sharp) on the edges.
What I allways try to do is.. Less treble in ( 4 exemple ) on the verse guitars en more on the chorus. Well I meen play a bit with the frequencies while the verse and chorus changes.. You be amaged!
But great song 4 sure.
BJ
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Really liked this guys. Superb guitar work and a nice hooky chorus that sticks in the head.
Under 3mins as well, fine work :)
Not sure that Richard was that good a guy though.
History is written by the victors...and the songwriters! :P
Tom.
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Nice. This song has a really good, driving rhythm, and just the right amount of drive and action for my taste. Good lyrics and great singing from both of you.
The "bones" part really seems to be a favourite inspiration in the competition. ;-)
bye Wolfi
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Really witty stuff and the well chosen harmony lines are great! I realise that I actually have no idea about Richard III and need to read up...
Maybe a few things to tidy up in the mix but what a great piece of work with the best of each of you coming through.
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you are a very versatile singer vicki & you sound incredibly young & lively here
& i love that driving guitar paul...its a great tune & a real rocker...its a earworm that taps all its feet! :)
what a fabulous idea doing a history lesson for the bare bones competition as history is chock full of bones!
i do like history but its hard to know the truth isnt it as the victors always rewrite it to there own ends & with every political change it gets rewritten yet again & it still goes on today
the 2 vocals worked well except in the bridge bit which i wasnt sure about
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I'm a crystal rocker?! Cool! :) And versatile, young and lively sounding.... [swoon] This could all go to my head.
Thanks to PaulAds for coming up with this great idea and being able to handle all the instrumental and mixing pieces. I can sing and help with lyrics--my favorite parts.
Thanks for all the great feedback! History topics always contain an element of the unknown. Richard was not likely as evil as portrayed by Shakespeare, nor was he perfect. The truth about where in the middle he falls will probably never really be known.
This was a very fun project; I enjoyed it a lot!
Vicki
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What a good collab!! gotta admit to being surprised!!
well done!! nice sorta FM punky feel with a good story..
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Great stuff! Very catchy, fine vocals both individually and together and excellent guitar. Most enjoyable. Rock on!!
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Paul and Vicki,
So now you're rehabilitating the the hunchback....Well it's about time...
Great tune and lyrics...and duet!!
I like the chromatic descending figure in the chorus... lifts it up and gives it a lot of energy!
Well done!!
igg
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Hi guys,
Great song. Inspired choice of subject.
Think it rock and rolls along really well ;D
Nice energy and drive.
Really like the vocals. You have a great voice
Ms Moko ;D Controlled, confident and relaxed
Loved it ;D
Just loved the outro.....very 'pub band' ;D ;D ;D
Excellent song guys
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Awwww another corker on the forum and I was not expecting this at all. Great rocking song from start to finish and Vicki´s vocals are fantastic. Great hook in the chorus as well and a top guitar solo that fits perfectly. I don´t know if I can add much to the previous reviews, just possibly remodel it with a little less treble.
Fantastic collaboration from you both.
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Thanks for all the awesome comments! It never occurred to me this might be surprising to anyone. It's really fun to find it is. ;D Now, I want to do something musically wild. ;)
Vicki
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Don't start with the wild. There's too much insanity here as it is.
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Great interpretation of the competition rules.
Loved the lyrics, especially the pay and display chorus.
This collaboration works really well as your voices, though different complement each other well.
Well done
Sandeep☠
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Thanks to all for commenting...really glad you liked it...it was great fun to do...and we honestly had no idea what would come of it...Vicki deserves an awful lot of credit...she came up with the most important "bare bones" chorus and was SO easy to work with.
ps i particularly loved the Wilco Johnson comment from Skub...that's exactly what i was aiming at - so thank you...i originally had the slightly bonkers idea of mixing Dr Feelgood with the theme from "the flashing blade" but gave up on that quite quickly :D
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I loved the lyrics. A lot. I would love to hear this as a traditional music number as well. with guitar and and multilayered vocal harmony. It was stellar. I love when I can learn something from a song. Also lyrics that tell a story.
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Hi
Bare Bones we pay and display is a very clever line.
Loved the energy in the song. Cool guitar work.
Great to hear another side to Vicki's vocals - suited the song perfectly.
"The Flashing Blade" - jeez, there's a blast from the past.
Another strong entry. I keep tearing up my top 3 list.
Digger
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Yeah it works guys, high energy - your two voices counteract each other wonderfully and it comes together a treat. For me the biggest winner is the chorus. Not easy to find a catchy one, but you've got one here. Grabs you from the first listen. Great work.
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Guys
Great concept, lyrics and great tune. Lots of energy and catchy chorus. What's not too like, nowt I'd say.
Vicki i love you vocals over the too of this pop tune. Guitars all doing what they should an great drum ending too.
My only suggestion would be to just double the vocals on the chorus and leave Vicki on the story, it make the story a bit easier to hear, as sometimes the timings isn't tracked tightly.
Really like it, had another listen.
:) :)
Neil
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Wow! Really ... that's my review! I suppose I should justify it a little eh?
Love the guitar work and CaliaMoko's vocals (got a ring to it that!) Whole thing reminds me a little of Touchstone (little known UK band).
Personally I'd turn Vicki's mic a up a bit but that's nit-picking. This is brilliant just brilliant so ... Wow!
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Great collab guys. Vicki's vocals really cut nicely through the mix esp in the chorus. Reminded me of (wait for it...) Geddy Lee of Rush of all people :)
Nice song structure and guitar playing/chord progressions. Love the sound of that guitar - wish I could get anywhere near that :)
Great entry - good luck (not that you'll need it :))!
Paul
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Ooooh Vicki you sound very sexy on this track!!!! :o ;D ;)
This is really excellent! Great collab! The music is awesome!!! Very catchy!
The lyrics are great,but I expect nothing less from you two.
Did I mention how sexy your voice is on this Vicki?? You sound like you could sing a bond song! ;D
Excellent work both of you.
Leo 8)
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Excuse me, I need to go dig out my belly dancing costume...oh drat! I gave it away...<<sigh>> I guess the sexy voice will have to be enough.
I sincerely appreciate all the wonderful remarks about my contribution to the collab. Paul's music made it pretty easy and his awesome story idea provided ample motivation. I enjoyed the process a great deal and now look forward to more collaborations!
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Interesting track with lots of energy…kind of put off by the theme…yet it seems to work on some level. I would have liked a bit more Vicki presence in the vocal with background / harmony only on choruses…but this is a rough mix and it gets you there! Drums could use a rework as it maybe lessens the vibe that should be there…crank the lead guitar a bit…I'm no mixer but just thinking out loud! Great effort😀
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Definitely made it into my shortlist Paul and Vicki :)
Entertaining and lighthearted, but also great musicianship and performances.
Very catchy chorus, liked it a lot.
Cheers.
Adam.
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Hell yes, Vicki finally released the inner rocker. I KNEW you had it in you, what a pleasant surprise!
Really enjoyed the song and performance, kudos to both of you!
Now too the bad news, in my opionion this terrific track is a bit let down by the mix (but as always this is very is very subjective so sweep or keep). It is not bad but I could lift the song so much more me thinks. A few suggestions:
I swear there is a bass guitar in there but it is so hard to hear when it should be driving the track relentlessly. Kick is also more or less MIA. Vocals don't glue with the music and it is not just a problem of the vox being to upfront in the mix.
If you are so inclined I'd be interested in giving the mix a shot, not saying it would be "better" but different at least. Drop me PM if so.
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This song is absolutely brilliant. I have listened to it about ten times now and I have to rewind every time to hear it again.
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Cheers, John!
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to comment...much appreciated.
And thank you! Jambrains...that's very kind of you...
Recording and mixing the whole thing only took about 4 hours in total...We genuinely just sort of threw it together very quickly...not that we didn't take it seriously or give it our best shot. We absolutely did
I spent some time recently making more of an effort with mixing...and to be honest - the results seemed disproportionate to the effort involved...I like to just crack on, otherwise I get bored.
A shameful admission, perhaps :)
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Listened to this a few times now...(and already commented)
I'll stick my neck out and say that's a telecaster on there. Can I ask which ?
If isn't that's embarrassing, but I love the guitar parts. Great time!
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I spent some time recently making more of an effort with mixing...and to be honest - the results seemed disproportionate to the effort involved...I like to just crack on, otherwise I get bored.
A shameful admission, perhaps :)
I don´t think so at all. Obviously you have to mix to a certain standard and there are little basic tricks that you can do quickly to make a mix stand out...if you do these and have the basic sounds right, I think it´s fine. Mastering is another deal entirely and probably far more important.
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Listened to this a few times now...(and already commented)
I'll stick my neck out and say that's a telecaster on there. Can I ask which ?
If isn't that's embarrassing, but I love the guitar parts. Great time!
You're spot on, Adam...it's a fender deluxe tele
some photos of it here
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11338.0
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I have to agree with you Paul regarding the production and mixing stuff. Sometimes that first stab has so much energy and feeling that if you ass around with it too much it can be totally destroyed. There are some brilliant producers on this forum. I'm not one of them. Like you I get bored and want to move on.Vicki, your voice is sounding outstanding :)
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I also appreciate all the wonderful comments. It's nice to hear...I like my voice fine, but I kind of think it's bland, boring, and old ladyish a lot of the time. Maybe I just need to collaborate more often!
Paul did a great job on this song. He came up with the musical idea, and then he provided the story line. I messed a little with a few of the lyrics and did some singing. It was a lot of fun. I want to do it again. :)
Vicki
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Vicki,
I'm right with PompyJazz - youe voice sounds superb, Have confidence like a slightly more 60's Chrissie Hynde. Clear, loads of personality and I just love that vibrato of yours.
Have confidence
:) :)
Neil
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Congrats on a well deserved win guys :)
I thought I'd already left a comment, but I guess I was dreaming :o
Anyway, I love everything about this track, including your voice Vicki :)
The lyrics are well written, and kept my interest throughout :)
IMO, the production is excellent Paul :o Kudos!
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Yeah everything fits real well, the movement of the music the lyrics both vocals, really great song.
Congratulation 8)