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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: PopTodd on March 28, 2016, 11:33:10 PM

Title: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on March 28, 2016, 11:33:10 PM: VIDEO HERE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpwhLxNVXq4)

LYRICS:
1.
We put on our outside smiles
As we step out the front door
And we’ll acknowledge it’s been harder
But we won’t say a whole lot more

If you felt the things we’re feeling
If you saw the things we saw
You would let me throw my cards out
Then let me draw, draw, draw, draw, draw

2.
I work at smiling through the morning
And march right through my day
And I'll answer all your questions
But I won’t have too much to say

If you felt the things I'm feeling
They’re things you’d never want to know
But please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go

(bridge?)

3.
These things I carry on my shoulders
They fit underneath my shirt
They say it will make me stronger
But they don’t say how much it hurts

If you felt the things I'm feeling
You might never want to feel
If you lived the life I'm living
It’d make you reel, reel, reel, reel, reel

If you knew the things I'm knowing
They’re things you’d never want to know
But please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go
Let it go…
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: CaliaMoko on March 29, 2016, 12:50:16 AM: You don't, by any chance, have a version of this with no video, do you? I can't watch videos due to my limited bandwidth. >:(
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on March 29, 2016, 03:31:07 PM: Sorry. I don't. Thanks for asking, though!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: bewarethisboy on March 29, 2016, 06:25:46 PM: This is great. Good melody, - catchy hook of a chorus. Like the repeat at the end. Only suggestion might just be a little middle eight to break it up a smidge just hold one of the chords just to break the rhythm? Doesn’t need much - really strong song.
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on March 29, 2016, 09:14:49 PM: Quote from: bewarethisboy on March 29, 2016, 06:25:46 PM
This is great. Good melody, - catchy hook of a chorus. Like the repeat at the end. Only suggestion might just be a little middle eight to break it up a smidge just hold one of the chords just to break the rhythm? Doesn’t need much - really strong song.
Thanks so much.
Yeah, I am working on that middle 8. You can hear that I have something there, but that part is still very much a work in progress.
Appreciate your insight!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PTCruiser1801 on April 01, 2016, 07:08:57 PM: Poptodd,

Very nice indeed...I agree, lovely catchy chorus! I think the shining light in this piece is the lyrics...I think they really paint a vivid picture of the character in the story. That is not to take away from the rest of the song...the lyrics just stand out as a personal favourite part!

Paul
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on April 05, 2016, 12:18:09 PM: Thanks, PTC!
I really appreciate your ear, your time, and your thoughts!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on August 26, 2016, 06:05:39 PM: Full-band rehearsal recording. Still very rough, but you can at least see where we're going with it.
Hope you listen and enjoy:
https://soundcloud.com/poptodd/if-you-knew-719-rehearsal/s-1iQsQ
Looking forward to your thoughts.
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: boolio on September 12, 2016, 09:28:43 AM: Very powerful song, I love it when understated lyrics 'smuggle' in BIG messages and I think I'll go on hearing this all day - very catchy!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on October 10, 2016, 01:33:24 PM: Quote from: boolio on September 12, 2016, 09:28:43 AM
Very powerful song, I love it when understated lyrics 'smuggle' in BIG messages and I think I'll go on hearing this all day - very catchy!
Thanks so much, boolio!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: Eline97 on October 10, 2016, 10:08:15 PM: Nice song! The chorus is very catchy indeed, and I like that country sound, especially with such strong lyrics!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: PopTodd on October 10, 2016, 10:11:34 PM: Quote from: Eline97 on October 10, 2016, 10:08:15 PM
Nice song! The chorus is very catchy indeed, and I like that country sound, especially with such strong lyrics!
Really appreciate it Eline!
Title: Re: "If You Knew"
Post by: CaliaMoko on October 11, 2016, 12:33:26 AM: I pretty much agree with everyone else. Good lyrics, catchy melody and beat. I'm not a country western fan, but this I can listen to. No nits.

Vicki