The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: delb0y on September 18, 2021, 09:51:12 AM
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It's been an age since I posted a song here, so apologies if I've got the protocol wrong.
I was originally going to call this one The Hobo's Lament until I realised I wasn't writing about hobos at all, and that it was actually about all of us who wander endlessly searching for that something which is always just out of sight and out of reach.
Played on the Tanglewood TW40, which is just an unbelievably lovely guitar.
Wherever That Might Be
We couldn’t find wood so we put cardboard on the fire
Billy Slim had a pint of gin that kept us warm for an hour
A train rolled by about midnight and we all sat and stared
And wondered if we’d missed the gift that would get us out of there
Wherever that might be
My ankle hurt and there was dirt, in my hair and eyes
There were cuts on my face from a sweet embrace with the night-stick guy
And I’d never been, or so it seemed, so all alone
Every one of us had an alias, we’d left our names at home
Wherever that might be
You choose your train, and you choose your track, make your getaway
But at the end of the line, the train turns back, and it’s the same old day
Your only wish, to be somewhere else, somewhere free
Wherever that might be
My old friend, Jack the Tend, found a job in Santa Fe
Wiping down, clearing up, dirty plates and cups, putting a little bit away
So I took a bus till my money gave up, then I hopped a train
But somewhere in the craziness I thought I’d had enough and I was lost again
Wherever that might be
The fire grew low and the talk got slow and clouds cloaked the sky
And my bones felt old and my hands were cold and so I said goodbye
I made my way to the gentle grade where the trains slowed down
And on the edge of the yard with hope in my heart I left that town
Wherever that might be
Chorus
A thousand times we rode the lines and watched each other go
And with each goodbye I thought that I should have chosen a different road
Wherever that might be
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Good morning, Delb0y...........it has been a long time since I've heard something from you............and this is SOMETHING.
Where have you been? This is the music I had grown to like from you. Just a great song. The characters are very real and believable. Love the words and music. Your performances are themselves "music to my ears".
Hoping to hear more..........
-Tom
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oh this is all kinds of charming
very well written!
it's super just the way it is
but I'd get a viola in there for more swing
nothing to stereotypical.
A heartwarming song and it certainly resonates with me
thanks for sharing
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Beautiful song. Great guitar and perfect vocals. I agree with @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) about the possibility of including a viola or something similar. That's not a criticism in any way..this is excellent. :)
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Wow this flows along very nicely indeed, I listened to it x2 in a row to get a feeling for it, I definitely think it needs another musical instrument in it to move it around a bit more, like a Cello or acoustic lead in their somewhere even violin but it needs to be subtle
cheers. Lilly
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Hola @delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401)
Nice to see you back!!!
It's a special song, a picture of a reality... and reality is full of emotions and situations...
Good lyrics, very good.
Mora
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Lovely song @delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) … really draws you right in. Great performance. Lyric’s the star though!
Just lovely!!
K
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Hi Delboy,
Nice country ballad.
Very good storytelling lyrics.
The guitar does give the impression of a slow moving train somehow.
Digger
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Thank you everyone, for your feedback. It's much appreciated and very welcome.
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) & @ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) & @lillypilly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19725) - a viola is a lovely idea. Alas, I don't play one myself and don't know anyone who does so I'm pretty restricted on the instrumentation front. Great idea though :-)
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) & @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) & @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) - I'm glad you like the lyrics. For those of you who remember me from the old days I am 100% a lyricist rather than a melody-man. I still simply choose melody # 1, 2 or 3 to go with the words, and most of my attention is on those words. Here I spent an inordinately long time working out exactly what the story/theme was and making the words just right.
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - thanks for the lovely comments. I, too, hope to contribute some more. Songs have been hard to find recently, though. I was beginning to think I'd written all the ones I have inside me. Hopefully not!
Thanks again, everyone.
Derek
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This is really beautiful mate…great job on those lyrics and you’re right the guitar does sound lovely. Thanks for sharing.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - thanks for the lovely comments. I, too, hope to contribute some more. Songs have been hard to find recently, though. I was beginning to think I'd written all the ones I have inside me. Hopefully not!
Derek
Hi Derek........naw...it's just a "phase"
Dry spells are like crossing a vast sun baked desert....stumbling around lost, we either die out there or we persevere, to happen upon that saloon which emerges from out of that mirage we had been so desperately chasing. We crash thru the swinging doors and commence to get S%!t faced on the new and intoxicating ideas that have just been uncorked.
Hang in there.......that bar is out there. You just have to keep pushing on.
I speak from experience.
You have a good song, here!!
-Tom
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Beatiful little song this, thanks for sharing. It's made my day a lot easier, thankyou Derek :)
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Melodic song, great performance, good guitar recording.
I think this song will sound very good from the big stage.
It was very pleasant to listen to.
Maya
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Very beautiful number, Derek. I’m a sucker for longer narrative songs if they draw you into the tale and the atmosphere, and this one did that for sure. Besides the melancholic feel to it all I really liked the melodic guitar run in to the refrain line that’s the song title. Very sweet indeed, and clever little touch.
Lovely work all round! 👍
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WOW!! That is wonderful, very well written, played and sung.
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The guitar work is just beautiful, as is the song. Despite the dark theme of homelessness, I actually find this comforting. I don't know if this was the sentiment you intended. It sounds to me as though you are saying that we can all hit rock bottom sometimes, no matter how assured we may feel. I feel you have captured the horror of vagrancy in a very profound way. It is not just the lack of a place to live, but also the awful loneliness of not being wanted by anyone. Such a theme is so strongly conveyed in the genre of folk/singer/songwriter. One of the things I love about that kind of music is the intimacy, and I really feel that here. You have laid bear your innermost feelings and anxieties, which was a very brave thing to do. Brilliant.
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Ah ! @delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) Welcome back :) Another stylish number from you in your traditional style. Vocals are very effective and distinct and lovely finger lickin pickin stuff - Yay !!