The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on May 14, 2020, 09:03:02 AM
-
Morning all - Hope you're all staying alert, I certainly am :)
No upbeat pop stuff for this latest number. It's more of a dark number. This one started life with a set of lyrics that @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) sent me. The title itself lent itself to some darker treatment so tried to conjure up a bleak / desolate feel. Hope it works.
Thanks for the listen
In that holy Silence
I'm Losing my mind
In This deep Darkness
my mind switches to emptiness
Deep in my soul
are hidden waves of regrets
Deep in my thoughts
is hidden an evil beast
There's no more hope for us
we become the children of the moon
All of us are in darkness
There is no more sun for us
Don't you feel the danger now
Deep inside our hearts
Don't you feel the animality
getting the power of our being
We believe in our material world
We believe in money
Slaves of our desires
Possessed by plastic culture
We'd like to be the best at the final stage
We'd want to climb and reach success
Individuality Idol versus true humanity
we've lost our soul my friends
There's no more hope for us
we become the children of the moon
All of us are in darkness
There is no more sun for us
And when everything is burned
What lessons will we have learned
A blinding flash of light
Disappears into the winter night
-
Hi, thanks @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269), yes I am being alert ta, I even noticed you had posted a song within its first hour on the forum. ;D
Very moody number indeed, with some really interesting musical accompaniments and offbeat contrasts right to the end. How different that opening melodic orchestral synth is to the more staccato touches later on. Very cool.
Great singing together in the chorus. I liked the talkie bits too. And a really smart arrangement throughout that had had a lot of thought applied to it.
The best theme tune to The Clangers I've heard ;) good luck on the moon then.
-
I can hardly imagine being more alert :D
Great song and production, really like the mid 8! Not sure I liked the nintendo part at the end but the words across it finishing with silence worked well.
Pete
-
A cracker! dark and moody for sure..love the existential lyrics and the other worldly arrangement, my only crit is that the pad/orchestration is a bit too loud, if it sounded more distant I think it would suit the mood better... :)
-
Hi Pompey. Hope all well. Really enjoyed this one. Love the overall vibe of the song. Wandering bass is great. The song really kicks into life at 1.44 and shows it’s true brilliance from that point on. Backing vocals great and the Eldritch vibes along the way really add to the atmosphere. That last lyric “ a blinding flash of light disappears into the winter night” is totally inspired.
-
Hi guys, nice work, again! Suitably dark for these depressing times......Loved the arty instrumental section. Nicley constructed though I agree with Kevin about the synths/pads being too loud and 'up front'(that's my territory ;).
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
-
Thanks for the notes about the pads guys - Have amended :)
-
John mate, had another listen..if I can go a bit further because i reckon the track deserves it ..it doesn't sound like your using a de esser..(forgive me if you are) because there is lots of sibilance goin on :) also the pad seems to have moved to the right which is unbalancing the track...worth sorting IMHO..
regards mate..Kevin
-
Thanks Kev - Really appreciate the feedback - Working to resolve :)
-
Love this...voices work fantastically together. You're both great singers. She's something else. Love the ending too...really off-the-wall.
I do think it's sounding massively improved since i first heard it, from what I recall. I never feel qualified to offer any advice on production...I know virtually nothing about it beyond trying to make sure nothing is too loud and it sounds fit the tune.
First two bars reminded me of "These Dreams" by "Heart" - just for a very brief moment...the actual song was, of course, nowt like it.
Had a few listens now...it's a real grower too...and works on several levels.
Superb stuff!
-
Sounds great and the tweaks have worked a treat. Love the way you two sing together. Great moody atmosphere behind you too. I was just saying - needs a more upbeat section and along came the ending. Not what I was expecting but probably the better for that and worked so well.
-
Hi,
Yep, the vocals work so well together. Very atmospheric and epic sounding. Lovely arrangement and a superb clear, clean mix. I didn't hear the original version but this sounds perfect to me. Great collab.
M
-
Hola @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Good collaboration, the 2 voices give a good balance and define well the sense of the melodies.
-
just a little word to say thank you all :)
-
All fits together well...has a cinematic feel and would suit one of those slick American werewolf/vampire style tv shows.............or possibly Dracula the Musical....if it ever got made...seriously why has there never been a Dracula the Musical!!!...As i listen i am imagining meat loaf singing it.....cool song
-
Great dark and moody song @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) and @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) - love the echoed / whispered BV... Chorus duet is GREAT!
The sibilance on your vocal John did strike me too I gotta say - I see it mentioned elsewhere.. Not that I know anything about vocal production.
Love the spoken part from @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580).. you two work so very well together..
A cracker !
K
-
Hi Both,
Great collab.
Some really nice moody sounds.
The mid section works very well for me.
The vocals are brill together. Melusine sounds very seductive with the backing vocals.
Interesting outro.
Digger