The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Sebandme on October 15, 2020, 08:34:04 PM
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Hey Everyone hope you are good!
A little song i came up just yesterday and while its hot in my head thought id share what i have so far.....and just look for some feedback.......i like it but i would i wrote it.....so would love peoples tboughts its only half done. link and lyrics are below, not entirely sure where im going lyrically yet....
https://soundcloud.com/sebastianandme/everglow?ref=clipboard&p=a&c=1
EVERGLOW.
I've waited an age to see the world.
I've listened to everything that youve heard.
like a light bulb flashing in the centre of my head.
I've clung onto every single word that you've said.
Honey I know that its time,
We gotta keep on running.
Away from the dark side of our minds,
We gotta keep on searching.
Away from the world that we know,
We'll everglow.
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) - Sounds fine to me, like the muted riff at the beginning...Is that the SG?
Rich
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Most certainly is my brand spanking new SG!!! Thanks for checking it out.....
Just need to finish it lol!
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@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) Sounds good, there's a great track at the end of this.
Loved the intro until the lead part comes in, it feels a bit too obvious and samey, needs a little more variation on that part.
The verse is great, the backing is perfect and the soft vocals to. Then the chorus is really good, suits your voice perfectly. Same comment about the lead riff though.
It might work will if you cut out the section with the riff and went straight into the vocal part, that would give it a great build up into the chorus.
Hope it helps but get it finished! ;D ;D
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@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thats a great suggestion about the going straight into the verse rather than having the lead......that would be a good build up. Cheers appreciate that, it hadnt occurred to me! Ta!
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This is so very 90s. And that is not a complaint; the 90s were my time.
The opening arpeggiated riff sounds pretty familiar, but not so much that it sounds exactly like anything else, just familiar, which is cool for a pop song, which this ultimately is.
Sounds like your hook is in the guitar lick and it's a pretty good one too. I would like to hear it maybe a couple more times. If you can find a way to extend the length of the song so you can get it in once or twice more, I think this could be single-worthy.
Nice production, too.
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I love this! Perfect indie rock vibes! The only thing that kind of puts me off is that riff after the intro, it kind of feel like it belongs in another song, or maybe it's a bit too loud? Aside from that I love how airy and nostalgic the chorus feels and I'd definitely listen to a full version of this.