[Paulski]

Hi guys - this (hopefully) plays on a man's wish to be able to fix everything.
Probably a country waltz.
Comments/suggs welcomed
thx
Paul


This Toolbox
Copyright 2015 Tennyson Road Productions

{vs}
This toolbox has seen better days
But the tools piled inside it are in pretty good shape
It has never seen broken that couldn't be fixed
Until this,
No, not until this

If I could just use my hammer and nails
I'd pound things together so they'd never fail
I'd line up the edges and give it a whack
But love is more fragile than that

{pre}
Yes, love's far more fragile than that

{ch}
I can't seem to find
A tool that will fix
A love that's been broken to bits

If I thought I could mend it with screws
It would soon be assembled and working like new
I'd drive them so tight they would hold for all time
And love could forever be mine

If I just had that tool I can't find

If I could only lay it out on my bench
I would work with my pliers, or maybe a wrench
And those funny angles could be held with a clamp
But love won't be handled like that

No, it can't be mishandled like that

And I can't put my hands on
A tool that will fix
A love that's been broken to bits

{br}
This toolbox has helped build a home
Repair a high chair, and float a toy boat
For years it's been here for me, getting things done
Now my tears tap its lid like a little tin drum
And it appears that love's chances are gone
Now it's me, and this toolbox, alone

....................................................

This old toolbox has seen better days
These tools, though they're used, are in pretty good shape
But I've searched to its bottom
And there's nothing to fix
A love that's been broken to bits

Our love has been broken to bits.

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Paul.   Very interesting concept.  And a lot of good lines.  It seems a little bit "other than smooth" but that probably just means you already have a musical idea and have fitted some lines into the music. 

[PaulAds]

another classy lyric

i always enjoy the hint of whimsy in Paul's writing...though i'm sure there's real pain behind the boyish playful grin...unless i've been played for a fool by the brilliant line

"Now my tears tap its lid like a little tin drum"

genius. plus tragedy. A+

[PeeJay]

Hi Paul, 

Another good write.

He made a shelf for the bathroom and she made a bolt for the door!

I liked the deeper meaning in this. The helplessness of a practical man who can fix anything with his hands but is unable to mend his relationship. 

Nice one,

Phil.

[Neil C]

Paul,
lovely, evocative and cleaver lyrics.
Really good opening lines, quite a lot going on in the verses which contrasts with the the clean simple chorus.
Look forward to the music.
 
Neil

[Annoying Twit]

I like the metaphor, and it's introduced in a nice way, at the end of the second verse. IMHO that's neither too early or late to do so.

Looking at individual lines, some of them sound a bit 'straightforward' and I think that with some refinement over time the lyric could be improved. E.g. 'But the tools piled inside it are in pretty good shape' seems a bit straightforward for a song that relies on metaphor as much as yours does. 'I've searched to its bottom' similar.

Personally I think the lyric is essentially finished. But I think there's the occasional opportunity to think of ways to take individual lines and rewrite them to sound more poetic/sophisticated.

E.g. if we look at the chorus

If I thought I could mend it with screws
It would soon be assembled and working like new
I'd drive them so tight they would hold for all time
And love could forever be mine

If I just had that tool I can't find

If I could only lay it out on my bench
I would work with my pliers, or maybe a wrench
And those funny angles could be held with a clamp
But love won't be handled like that

No, it can't be mishandled like that

I think the two stanzas are perfect and use your metaphor perfectly. But, I think that the two single lines don't quite match the quality of the stanzas, and perhaps you could rethink them.

[Vintage54]

    Paulski, old bean.
        Have to disagree with " Annoying twit" though he seems like a pretty smart guy. This hits the nail on the head (sorry) and yea, there's room for improvement, but there always is. I used to like you, but now your'e just a smart arse, (irony) love it man. Keep em coming.

                              Vintage54

[Paulski]

@hardtwistmusic

Hey Verlon - thanks for commenting - yeah I have the meter worked out but not the melody - it's in 3/4 time 

@PaulAds

Thanks Paul - glad you could see something that's working here.

@PeeJay

Thank you Phil - bolt for the door haha 

@Neil C

Cheers Neil - no music yet - feel free to have a go if you've got an inclination! Thx for the +tive comments!

@Annoying Twit

I don't find you annoying at all! Thanks for the detail comments. Didn't want to go too poetic because this guy is a tradesman of sorts but I see your point re the metaphor

@Vintage54

Thanks Vintage - always nice to get a thumbs up from you - glad I didn't hit it with a hammer 

[seriousfun]

Wow this is good.  Such a great idea and elloquently told.

I like when you write in this style, its got real depth to it yet plenty of easy access entry points as well. Should have wide ranging and instant appeal when put to music. Best of luck taking this forward.