The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on January 03, 2021, 07:48:56 PM
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Happy New Year fellow forumites!
A bit different from me to start the year - hopefully haven't swung too far out of my wheelhouse :D
This started out as a country song lyric but morphed into this.
Comments are welcomed as usual - positive or negative - I can take it :D
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/i-cant-love-you-any-more
I Can't Love You Anymore
You said "It's never quite enough"
You said I'd better "step it up"
I said "I love you to the core"
I can't love you any more
I can't love you any more
You said you could feel me holding back
You said "Part of me's still on the rack"
I said "If you only knew the score
I've got nothing left in store
I can't love you any more"
I've tried most everything I know
But you keep telling me it doesn't show
I've laid my heart and soul out at your door
My love's a crashing wave upon your shore
I can't love you any more
You said you're with somebody new
You said you're convinced his love is true
I said "I heard your wedding vows
Now I know it's not allowed
I can't love you anymore
I can't love you anymore"
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Wow what a song!
I needed to hear this this morning
had me grinning throughout
amazing solo and distortion
At 3 1/2 minutes that’s a bit of a Marathon song for you
well done really liked it!
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Hi Paul
different as far as I know from other postings of yours and illustrates a diversity in creativity which is great attribute for a writer.
With regard to the actual song it has the variation that I need, I must just get board quickly so songs like this that have continual bits of instrumentation and melody adjustments really grab my attention and suck me in.
Great all round original song.
BB
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#paulski
This is different! Love the catchy bass riff and the percussion. The vocal arrangement is excellent and you have really pulled out the stops on the organ sound (sorry!) I do like the way you are constantly changing the arrangement/musical palette throughout so it is never boring. Your lyrics are clever if a little well worn and I love your confident,up front vocal. A very enjoyable listen and a testament to your many talents.
M
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Hey Paul - this is certainly a change from ‘au revoir’ 😁 but it’s great, really suits your excellent vocal, great arrangement, nice tight drums, got a nice new wave/new romantic vibe which I’m really digging! If there’s one thing I’d pick up on is the Hammond (?) organ over the ‘I can’t love you, I can’t love you’ is maybe a bit too high in the mix - I’m assuming the distortion is intentional and that’s cool, but drop the peak volume down a bit maybe? Anyway, love pretty much everything else about it!👌
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Excellent Paul...really like the bass and guitar bits which are echoed...very effective.
Glad you didn't go country...not that there's anything wrong with country of course....but this works very well as this whatever it is....rocky, poppy thing.
Maybe the bass is a little loud in the exposed parts...great lines, not such a great bass sound for me, but that's me. The line is great.
Love the distorted organ sound.
Good work.
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Hi Paul,
Great track, love the bass and guitar riffs. The vocal mix with BVs worked really well, definitely a 60's vibe coming through. Probably the one thing I wasn't sure about was that the organ was too loud for me, I know it's probably the sound you were after but not for me. Other than that I loved it!
Pete
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That bass in the intro, I love its color !!!! What surprises does the song contain, all good ones, and as of 1'43 the door of difference opens ... Well, here I am, dancing on the chair while I write my comment... Thank you, a great beginning of 2021!!!
La la lalalalalalalala
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
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Excellent.
Loved the change in the bass around 1:25 and that massive heavy metal style organ at 1:55 reminded me of this
Nantucket Sleighride...what a sound!
I kind of missed that when it dropped out...or maybe it just changed into something a little more polite? I'd have loved to have heard you really kick the shit out of this song as I think it would be awesome with a little more venom in it. It's very good as it is...and maybe I'm just getting carried away again!
Great stuff, Paul :)
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I'm still waiting for you to write a bad song. I guess I'll have to wait indefinitely...
A little bit different than what I'm used to gear from you, a very pleasant surprise!
A good groove going (I can see the go-go girls in the video for my inner eye) , however I think this one would really benefit from a real bass esp during octave playing parts.
If not, I'd say try to get some more low end to it and back it of just a tad, a little too up from atm imo.
The distorted organ at around 2 min is a great idea but i think you overdid it a bit, to me it is a little too "ugly" and unpleasant to the ear.
A great track and enjoyable listen!!
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Hi @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241), neat departure style wise while still holding onto a retro feel. Really like how you used the meaty bass as a contrast to the higher and thinner instruments. It develops well into something heavier and rockier than I was expecting, interesting mash up between the sixties beat pop song that’s in there and the real modern rock punch that comes in the middle, and wow is that punch!
Highly imaginative and interesting for me to try to work out how you came up with all of that box of surprises. I think you should explore this kind of thing a little more often. 👍
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Top notch songwriting this one. Kindof a Beatles feel to it melodically, and with an interesting breakdown in the middle. Good one!
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, HNY to you too. Has a real 60's Beatles feel to it. I could see the backing singers gyrating behind you before they came in, perfect! I liked the organ tone, but I agree it's a bit too loud. I seem to recall you told me you didn't do synth solos, loved it ;).
Great song Paul
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) I've listened to this a few times now, love it. Its a great departure from your usual style with a fabulous 60s / B52s vibe. Love the stops and starts and that OTT Keith Emerson organ is the cherry on the cake
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Really sorry for the late bump. I appreiste ll the great feedbac - and I've updated the track accordingly :D
Now playing a real bass (mostly!) - tamed down the distorted organ and did a remix. Hopefully didn't make it worse :D
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - cheers glad you liked the distortion :D sorry I scaled it back :D
@Beebeesmith (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22341) - thanks for the kind words - I agree about changing things up to keep interest. Glad I didn't lose you :D
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - cheers Alan appreciate the positive comments. Agree the lyrics are a bit road weary - oh well so am I I guess :D
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) - thanks for the kind words. I agree about the organ so I chose a different less distorted plug-in to tame it down. Appreciate the comment about my vocals - I try! :D
@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra - good feedback - thanks Ian. That bass was a soundfont MIDI - meant as a place-holder - and I was never happy about its sound either. I replaced it with a real bass in the riff parts and the bridge. Hope it sounds better. Thanks!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) Thanks Pete. Yep agreed about the organ - I've changed it and lowered it in the new mix
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) cheers Mora. happy you liked the bass line and it made you dance - great feedback thanks
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) thanks Paul - that's about as wild as this old fart gets :D Haven't watched the video yet but I will anon. :D
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) thanks for that - as usual you hit the nail on the proverbial head - the organ has been fixed and the bass (for the most part) replaced. Very kind of you to say it's a good song :D
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - cheers Michael yeah I guess I'm merging a few genres here - hey I'm a gendre-bendre! :D
@The Holographic Rodeo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22741) Thanks for listening and commenting. I'll take a Beatles reference anytime - cheers!
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Never totally into the fab four but you can't argue with success :D Thanks for the feedback Jamie :D
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Thanks John - means a lot. B52's eh? Must listen to them - didn't they do Love Shack or something? That was popular here in the colonies :D
Thanks again guys (where are the gals? :D )
Paul
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Wow that's quite something - the a bit proggy in the middle but a little bit soul and a little bit pop. Actually the lyrics probably are still a bit country.
Love the unclassifiability and originality.
I really like the line about still being on the rack. Possibly there is some more mileage in the double meaning in the title but I am wont to take those things too far.
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Yes mate!!!!! What a track!! I really enjoyed it...lovely guitars and catchy bass, funky synth solo. My fave bit was the complete change up around 1.41...great singing there especially.
Only thing I thought was that the vocals could come up a touch...not much though.
Really cool song Paul. Well done.😁🎶👊🏻🎶
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Beautiful vocals. The song has 60's style. It makes me wanna dance!
Very powerful and artistic! Melodically something as The Rolling Stones - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction.
Maya
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Hey @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - this is great!! Soooooo bleedin' catchy!!
The absolute star for me is the vox and particularly the BVs - they are so cleverly constructed and give a great breadth to the sound.... well and that synth line with its slightly dark turn is magnificent... well, and the high piano motif.. Its, frankly, all top notch..
My favourite of yours that I've heard by far.. Just great!
Karen.
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cheers all for listening and commenting
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - thanks for the kind remarks Adam - yes the double entrendre was intended but they seldom work for me. Perhaps could be milked more IDK
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) thanks Leo - appreciate the nice comments. I bumped up the vocals as recommended - great feedback thanks! :D
@Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) - cheers for that Maya - Never been called the rolling stones before but I'll take that comparison any day :D
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - thanks Karen - great to hear it worked for you :D
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Hello @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241),
Lovely instrumentation from the driving bass to the subtle piano then that really cool rhythm guitar. The lead electric plays a fine riff too. As always, it's all underpinned by a solid song. Great to hear your production treatment of this one. Fine riffs, a unique blend of playing styles and good songwriting. I 'm hearing everything from The Beach boys too queen and much more besides.
Paul
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Really liking this, like an updated 60's tune, especially with the BV's.
The sound is crisp, the bass cuts through, piano and guitars playfully doing it. And you vocals sound relaxed and spot on. And an orgy of psychedelic organs and synths.
Going to have another listen.
Catchy
:-)
neil