[Paulski]

Call me crazy, but this is a song sung from the point-of-view of a ... goose!
Well, not just any old goose, a Canada Goose. They mate for life (apparently) and fly south every winter to warmer climes in big V formations. We see them fly over us constantly from where we live this time of year. Anyhow, would be interested to hear if this works as a lyric or if my sanity has gone south too.. Any suggs for improvement would be appreciated

Somewhere in the South

No longer here to mind me, she left a month ago
With the promise I'd catch up with her in time
The others grew impatient, instinctively were pulled
And I watched her as she joined them in the sky

{pre}
This swollen wing feels stronger every day
But throbbing pain insists that I should stay

(ch)
Somewhere in the south the sun is shining
Summer's song is singing in the breeze
She's calling to the wind, but she can't find me
Waiting for me somewhere in the south

It gets colder every day, I can feel the season change
As Winter watches Autumn cede control
I search to find the nourishment my healing body craves
But sustenance is buried now in snow

{pre}
This damaged wing must carry me though storms
But somewhere in the south the weather's warm

Somewhere in the south the sun is shining
Summer's song is playing in the leaves
Calling to the wind, but she can't find me
Waiting for me somewhere in the south

{br}
We're mated
Mated for life
Am I too late?
No!
I have to try
I have to try...!

{lift - the song really takes off here

Somewhere in the south the sun is shining
Summer's song is dancing in the trees
I'll be calling out her name, so she can find me
Soaring through the air
I know my love's still there
Waiting for me somewhere in the south
Waiting for me somewhere in the south

[pompeyjazz]

That's a great concept Paul and I think the lyrics are very strong. It's a love story

[hardtwistmusic]

Lovely lyrical concept.  Really good "delivery" on the concept. 

As an amateur ornithologist, I would suspect that the "she goose" would not leave her mate easily, and if she did, she would not "remain true" to him when it came time to breed. 

The "mate for life" concept is true with birds . . . but dna testing confirms that geese are no less "true and faithful to their mates" than humans are. 

Nearly all geese (and other "mate for life" birds) cheat on their mates when given the opportunity.

They just don't divorce and separate like humans do. 

That dose of cynical reality does not diminish this wonderful lyric. . . just an interesting side note. 

The reality that would damage your lyric if listeners were aware of it, is that in the situation you describe in the lyric, he's not going to make it. . . he will almost certainly die. 

It might be a good idea to "improve his prognosis" a little through the lyric.  Just a suggestion. 

[rikgrimesisdead]

i really really like it,solid lyrics and a strange point of view but it works amazingly!!!

[CaliaMoko]

This feels like a good, strong lyric to me, and it strikes me as a metaphor. That might be because I'm not a fan of humanizing animals, but I think it works as a metaphor which might mean different things to different people, the simplest of which would probably be a romance with some kind of obstacle. A common theme, but this is such a creative treatment.

A personal bias of mine is against the word "this" is certain situations, as in "This damaged wing", which occurs twice in the song. As it's a personal bias, perhaps everyone else likes it fine. At any rate I might say "My damaged wing".

One spot feels a little weak to me. Could be just me. It's the second pre-chorus:
This damaged wing must carry me th[r]ough storms
But somewhere in the south the weather's warm

I think my obstacle is the word "storms". I'm not sure, though, what might be better. Must carry me so far? Must shelter me from harm? No...wings don't shelter the bird while flying. The first alternative might work if followed by "To somewhere in the south..." ...No, that won't work, either.

Well, this has been fun, but not too helpful. I didn't sleep much last night, so I'm probably just not thinking clearly and it's perfect as is. 

I'm really looking forward to hearing it.

[Neil C]

Paul,
Great concept and cool lyrics as ever. Only suggestion is you change the she to you in verse 1.
Look forward to soaring music. Could be for a Disney film?
 
Neil

[PaulAds]

It's a great lyric and a brilliant idea...if I'd been fortunate enough to have written it myself...I'd have maybe disguised the goose bit more and used much of the lovely imagery to convey a more simple "grass is always greener" kind of thing.

But you probably shouldn't change anything...it's VERY good as it is.

[igg]

Hey Paul,

I feel a strong melancholy running through the song.....The emotion and strong attachment to the yearning really pulls well..
To my mind, maybe you need to set up the injury or weakness  in the first verse

I'm a little put off by swollen and throbbing...a little too medical
maybe something more like....

"And though my wings grow stronger, a little everyday
They still can't lift me up, my love, and send me on my way"  or something like that...

The rapport built into the song is great and I'm sure with your considerable talents you can make this one superlative...

igg

[Paulski]

Thanks all for reading and commenting. Some great points raised  

@pompeyjazz

cheers John - glad you see some value here. You're right - it is a love story - do birds love? I think they do  

@hardtwistmusic

thanks Verlon. As an ornithologist, you're the reviewer I fear the most   My goose is a faithful one - not a cheatin' gander   And I'm sort of glad that he likely won't make it - I think if his quest is against the odds it make the story more compelling, at least I hope it does.

@rikgrimesisdead

Thanks for that - you are too kind!

@CaliaMoko

Hi Vicki As usual you offer great advice. The "this/my" thing is one I struggle with too, and one of these started out as "my". I look at this song as a sort of soliloquy - so the goose is talking to himself. With that in mind, I think he would say "this" as "my" would be overstating the obvious. But I'm prob wrong   You're right about the storms line being weak. It evolved from an earlier version that didn't fit the meter. I like "Must carry me so far" - makes for a "far" rhyme with "warm" - I'll have a think on it - don't want to get the rhyming police upset.

@Neil C

Very kind of you sir   I'll think about the he/she suggestion. Would mean quite a lot of other changes though - and I'm pretty lazy   .

@PaulAds

Thank you Paul - most encouraging - what I need when I have doubts about a lyric  
I'm hoping that, without my preamble, the goose thing isn't too obvious and it'll be one of those songs that ppl find out later that it's about a goose. So good point taken on board.

@igg


Hi igg - and thanks for commenting. Re  swollen and throbbing - I was trying to project how the injured wing might feel from the goose's prospective. Maybe this goose went to medical school?  
But you're not the first to mention those terms don't work - I'll think on it  
Appreciate the kind remarks.

[Vintage54]

   Hi Paulski,
     Only just caught up with this one, glad i didn't miss it. I like this a lot, it's wonderful, up there with your best. Ok so there's room for improvement here and there, but i could say that about every song i wrote. Anyone not feeling this must be as hard as flint.

                        Love it
                          Vintage54

        PS I knew you were crazy, even before you posted this.