The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on April 07, 2021, 02:04:30 PM
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Hi all, spoiler alert, this is not a religious song......I know it's Easter, (I'm so current... ???). A few weeks ago I was bullied by three erstwhile participators on the forum to buy a new guitar, a Squier Traditional Vibe Telecaster, since you asked (which is ace btw). After relentless trolling I succumbed and bought it (you know who you are ;)) . So now my marriage is in tatters because of my irrational spending on guitars, but on the plus side, I got a new song from it! The first thing I played on the new guitar was the riff that opens the song and soon (minutes ) I had the verse structure. I thought it needed a bit of a rock vibe, so I went for a classic guitar, organ, bass and drums vibe.Anyhoo, your insightful thoughts and comments are, as usual, appreciated.Be kind... ;) 8)
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/im-crucified
I'm crucified
Maybe the dawn will save my life
Your bitter words cut like a knife
And when the sky falls on my head
I'll sleep the sleep of the dead
This lonely child will feed the fire
Trapped by a noose of cold barbed wire
Where is the sun the I need it most
I hear the cry of an ancient ghost
The sun is too hot, It's burning my eyes
The moon and the stars, still sail through the sky
I'm crucified can't take no more
A blood red sky reaches down to the shore
A siren calls in the darkest hour
Slowly picking petals from a flower
The sun is too hot, its burning my eyes
The moon and the stars, still sail through the sky
And Angels will cry, theres a bridge to cross
Why can't you find me, who wants to be lost?
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Brilliant guitar sound here @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Glad you like the new axe - Jeez ! You are really going for it vocal wise here - I don't think I've ever heard you throw such welly at your vox - It sounds great. I love the vibe here, Late 60's / Early 70's rock sound - Reminded me of the Small Faces in some ways but with Jamie chord sequences. Great combo of instruments, organ sound is really cool as well and that Tele bights through just great - An absolute belter :)
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Rockin' out here, buddy!
great guitar sound n hook there
I wish I could do that!!
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Not 100 percent the stuff I listen normally but I enjoyed listening. Very good lead guitar. good production too. Sounds like good rock from the 70 or 80.
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Oh @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) this is a cracker! I don't think I've ever heard you go full Roger Daltry - the beginning in particular reminded me of "Won't Get Fooled Again". Your characteristic chord changes are there but everything else is such a difference to your usual material apart from the bridgey bit. I have a Squire Strat but I can't make it sound like your tele. This is an absolute belter.
M
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) well that guitar sounds awesome!! Brilliant opening🤘 Great riff and lovely treatment!👌
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Looks like that new guitar has released an inner demon Jamie, a great new persona for you unleashed. It’s funny sometimes how a new instrument can inspire new directions and experiments, it’s happened to me before.
I enjoyed that more full on vocal performance. Classic traditional rock for the most part, with a nod to prog rock in the break section. Really interesting mash up and I did like that intro riff too.
Well...if the marriage can’t be saved at least you got a fab tune out of it. ;D
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Great intro and guitar riff, plus love the organ driving the backing track. Some very nice bass playing in there too. Very much reminds me of the Who and Small Faces. Nice job and enjoy take guitar!
Kevin
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Vocals are a revelation...we're so used to your silky smooth tones...it's super to hear you really go for it here...you out-rock your rocking new telecaster.
Was that a couple of unexpected chord-changes too?
Whatever next...
A brilliant prog-rock influenced outro section...that's what.
Reminded me of Ian Astbury and Billy Duffy of The Cult a little.
Only better.
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Cripes, those power chords are blowing my mind! Awesome!
And you seem to be channeling Ian Astbury with your vocals. The chorus while good was a little underwhelming compared to the awesome power of the verse you have before it. That I get that verse is hard to follow.
Love the riffing finish, great guitar work. Drums sound great, really lively underneath it all.
It's a crunching, raw pleasure of a listen. Great stuff.
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, yes its a lovely guitar, definitely worth the money and more....A for the vocal, I decided early on that if I was going to do a song in this style I would have to give it some 'welly', well with some trepidation this is it! And yes I was aiming for a late 60's early 70's rock sound, hadn't thought of the Small Faces, but that's a nice reference!
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi Mr. R, well who'd have thought I could rock.....glad you enjoyed it!
@fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014)
Hi Alexander, it was more of an experiment than a change in direction, don't expect a barrage of Brit rock from me....
Cheers and thanks again!
Jamie
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Right up my street! That Tele sounds good as does the rest of the song. I can hear several possible influences here, but let's just say this is a great rocker. Hats off for some great vocals too. Excellent. :)
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Hola @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Qué tal estás?
I like the smell that your magnificent lyrics exude, so descriptive and raw and poetically dramatic. Nice job
Cuídate
Mora
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Hi, thanks for listening!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Hi Alan, yes the 'won't get fooled' was done on purpose, it seemed to fit and was a nod to the era I was heading. I can recommend that guitar it's brilliant. Glad you enjoyed it!
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704)
Hi, yes nice guitar sound, it kind of wrote itself once I played the opening section.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Hi Michael, yes that riff come from nowhere when I picked the guitar up. And having decided to go down the 'classic' rock road I had to have a go at the full on vocal approach. Not sure I'll use it too many times though, still nursing a sore throat ;). Marriage counselling is going well.........
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi Kev, yes as I said earlier the Who feel was a deliberate quote I think I said won't get fooled, but I think it's actually from pinball wizard ??? :P.Pleased you mentioned the organ and bass, I thought they worked well!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, yes The Cult were very much in my mind with the style of the intro, so guilty as charged! Yes I thought the vocals would get mentioned, not something I've done too many times before, still nursing a sore throat :-X. And yes there's a nod to prog in parts too, can't escape my roots!
Thanks for your cool words! I was aiming for territory in the region of The Who and Deep Purple, I landed in Why and a bit mauve......
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223)
Hi Tom, great review thanks, pleased you liked the recording your recent song was beautifully realised.Yes I wasn't aiming for an Astbury vocal, but I was thinking of the Cult in the treatment of the loud interludes and the quiet verses.
Cheers and thanks again for listening!
Jamie
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Hi thanks for listening!
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723)
Hi Chris, yes there are several influences, The Cult for sure, The Who, and Deep Purple were the ones I was conscious of. I said earlier I was aiming for a sound in the region of The Who and Deep Purple, and ended with Why and a bit mauve.........Thanks for your kind words!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, It's interesting that you mentioned the lyrics. I wasn't sure what to write for a 'classic' rock song, so I looked up a few lyrics and realised there was a lot of angst, being lost, nowhere to go etc etc, so I went down that road, and it was actually one of the easiest and fastest lyrics I've ever written......might have to do a few more 'rockers'!
Thanks again for listening!
Cheers
Jamie
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I wasn't expecting this @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125),
The influences are plain for all to hear. I really didn't expect to hear such a raucous vocal from you. Kudos my friend. Loving the space that you've created to deliver this song and yet, it isn't empty. A pleasure to hear something quite different from you. This is a real mix of styles.
Paul
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Hi Paul, thanks, great comments. Yes for once I decided to move out of my vocal safety zone. I thought the song needed it, so 'gave it some', so to speak! It is a bit of a pastiche of influences and styles, but it was done on purpose to give a thumbs up to the genre. Can't beat a bit of rock (although prog is still my fave!)
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Jamie,
Very cool song.
I was getting The Who loud and clear and it works brill. I wasn't getting so much of the Cult though.
Great job on the vocal delivery.
Some wicked guitar tones.
One of your very best for me - and there have been some stunners over the years.
Digger
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Really good. Very nice riffs and guitar parts. Good vocals. Good Mix. I too was reminded of The Cult.
If I have to be picky I would say ....
1. I wince every time I hear 'Cuts like a knife' in a song. It's too well worn.
2. I wasn't entirely sure about the 'sun is too hot' section. The song seems to step back into the 60s a bit there and it has that surprising chord change on 'stars' which I'm undecided on. All in all - I guess I just didn't like this bit as much as I liked the rest of the track.
3. The bass sounds a little hesitant when it first plays that riff at the end. If you using a DAW I'd check/modify the feel of the timing there - it's very slight but I noticed it.
That's all me being picky like I said - I thought it was great stuff though.
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
Hi, super comments! This was a bit of a 'classic' rock with a twist concoction, may have to try more of these in the future. 8)
@estreet (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=15055)
Hi, If you stick around you'll find out that this isn't at all typical of what I normally do. Wrote this because a new telecaster I'd just bought wrote it for me so I had to try and give it the right treatment. Lyrically I looked up a few classic rock songs and they do tend to be cliche ridden, so I got that right ;) with the cuts like a ...... ;D. Most of my songs have chord progression hand brake turns, so this although not typical of my output still maintained some of my musical 'tics'. I know what you mean about the bass at the end, I recorded it over and over and could never quite get out of that hesitant feel.In the end I persuaded myself it was ok ::) :o :P Glad you enjoyed it!
Cheers guys its appreciated!
Jamie