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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on April 07, 2024, 06:13:54 PM

Title: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 07, 2024, 06:13:54 PM
hi.
This was originally intended as a more punky song
In the back of my mind was the desire to do something in 3/4 time
and this came into being

The start was easy and fun, it got progressively more difficult.
In all, I'm quite happy with it.

After obtaining permission I attached a photo, taken by a talented artist,
namely, Mr. Nathan Wright

(I've heard someone say, it's smells of lavender, like old furniture. lol.)


Link:

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/this-is-how-the-rich-win-the-war-15-with?si=b72ef6906b6846a6a622455550862ce0&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Lyrics:


this is how the rich win the war


this is how the rich win the war
magnifying differences
triggering all prejudice
this is how the rich win the war

this is why we're destined to lose
content with apologies
accepting o' the way it is
this is why we are destined to lose
these mad machinations
way out on a limb
they're tightening the vice
my head caves in

this is how the pricks win the war

success will surely destroy you
there's no way other way around it
you will leave it like you found it
success would certainly kill you
these mad machinations
telling me I cannot win
my head is in the vice
still, the light gets in

this is why we're destined to lose

they will eat you alive
slowly 'cause they got no teeth
it begins on the inside
'til you're praying for release

this is how the rich win the war

_________________

Rightly

Photo by Nathan Wright
his Website: https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/this-is-how-the-rich-win-the-war-15-with?si=b72ef6906b6846a6a622455550862ce0&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: Dorian on April 07, 2024, 06:46:30 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Before even hearing the song I could see how the lyrics derive from a nihilistic punk point of view. Your 3/4 rhythm comment however, made me wonder what the end result would sound like.

A few minutes later: Now I know. May I say that I just love the tuba like brass-bass (or whatever it is). It somehow slows down the music in a pleasant way, as if you’ve already given up fighting those rich b*stards. Nicely done. My only comment would be that the song is a bit long.

Cheers, Dorian
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: Elvis Nash on April 07, 2024, 08:14:10 PM
Hey man , dig the 3/4 time
Yeah its pretty bad on power struggles
Another useless election , Why bother ,
Good job man !!!
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: MonnoDB on April 07, 2024, 08:58:11 PM
This is interesting... I love the waltzy timing. That low rumbling brass (tuba?) is fantastic..

"Success would certainly kill you" - what a great line!!! Love the lyrics - as always you leave us to our own devices figuring out what the song is about although this might be a little more overt than most.

Piano part is great..

I love your stuff, @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - no news there!

K
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 08, 2024, 10:47:10 AM
Quote from: Dorian on April 07, 2024, 06:46:30 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Before even hearing the song I could see how the lyrics derive from a nihilistic punk point of view. Your 3/4 rhythm comment however, made me wonder what the end result would sound like.

A few minutes later: Now I know. May I say that I just love the tuba like brass-bass (or whatever it is). It somehow slows down the music in a pleasant way, as if you’ve already given up fighting those rich b*stards. Nicely done. My only comment would be that the song is a bit long.

Cheers, Dorian
Tuba, yes.
Not everyone likes it. Lol 😆
There is hope there
"Still, the light gets in"

I don't think it's too long
It's the perfect length for this particular song!
Maybe too long, for people in a rush.

Thanks for commenting dorian. 🙂
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 08, 2024, 10:49:37 AM
Quote from: Elvis Nash on April 07, 2024, 08:14:10 PM
Hey man , dig the 3/4 time
Yeah its pretty bad on power struggles
Another useless election , Why bother ,
Good job man !!!

Yes, regarding politics
I tend to be a bit nihilistic
Not so in other aspects of living.
Thanks elvis.
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 08, 2024, 11:02:08 AM
Quote from: MonnoDB on April 07, 2024, 08:58:11 PM
This is interesting... I love the waltzy timing. That low rumbling brass (tuba?) is fantastic..

"Success would certainly kill you" - what a great line!!! Love the lyrics - as always you leave us to our own devices figuring out what the song is about although this might be a little more overt than most.

Piano part is great..

I love your stuff, @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - no news there!

K

Yes, tuba.

Hey, I don't completely leave you to your own devices. Lol.
I don't. This is an ongoing theme in public.
The haves n the have nots
Capitalism vs. socialism
The ongoing class war

And other examples.

Song is always a dialogue
There are songs (probably) that give the listener All the information.
To write such a song would be dull,
 and the writer and the reader would have no desire to go through all that again. Lol.

I appreciate your feedback.



Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: Dorian on April 08, 2024, 11:55:09 AM
Quote from: rightly on April 08, 2024, 10:47:10 AM
Maybe too long, for people in a rush.

Ah there you have it. I listened to it in the morning at the breakfast table before starting my day. I'll promise to listen to it again tonight.

By the way: Did you know that Bowie used some tuba instead of a bass guitar as well at the beginning of his career (a few songs around the time of "Rubber band"). I absolutely loved the tuba in popmusic when I heard it the first time some years ago, even wished I had a tuba instead of a bass guitar  8) So, on my behalf: thanks for this song!

Cheers, Dorian
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: Carlonely on April 08, 2024, 04:33:39 PM
That's an interessting piece for sure!
I like the harmonies, the brass things in the background and the piano. The guitar, however, is way too repetetive for me which makes the song sound a bit monotonous althought it isn't at all.
So I'd rework the guitar and make the rest louder :)
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: CorkingCrackBand on April 08, 2024, 06:38:28 PM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

  When I read the title I imagined the music being very similar which is interesting. It has a sort of Roger Waters vibe and is very engaging. You're lyrics always have a sharp insight and potent quality and I really appreciate that in your work. The instrumentation is great - the guitars sounds beautifully recorded and the whimsical quality of the song being pulled into a more sinister area with the discordant feel works very well.

Top work.

All the best,

CCB
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: pompeyjazz on April 08, 2024, 09:34:53 PM
This is a fabulous song @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I love the way that you’ve kept it fairy simple but intertwined hard hitting lyrics. I love songs that have a jolly musical direction and combat that with a well thought out message. Bravo !
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 09, 2024, 10:31:45 AM
Quote from: Carlonely on April 08, 2024, 04:33:39 PM
That's an interessting piece for sure!
I like the harmonies, the brass things in the background and the piano. The guitar, however, is way too repetetive for me which makes the song sound a bit monotonous althought it isn't at all.
So I'd rework the guitar and make the rest louder :)

Thanks for the suggestion. A good one.
Guitar, though it changes, is repetitive.
I thought
Like when one looks at a scene of the amazing, mysterious ocean
the viewer's focus rests on the detail of the small boat.
The ocean is subconsciously appreciated.
I tried that approach.
There's also this thing of music being too giddy when it jumps about needlessly.
 Still, as I said, a good suggestion from you.
Thanks for the feedback. 
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 09, 2024, 10:34:04 AM
Quote from: CorkingCrackBand on April 08, 2024, 06:38:28 PM
Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

  When I read the title I imagined the music being very similar which is interesting. It has a sort of Roger Waters vibe and is very engaging. You're lyrics always have a sharp insight and potent quality and I really appreciate that in your work. The instrumentation is great - the guitars sounds beautifully recorded and the whimsical quality of the song being pulled into a more sinister area with the discordant feel works very well.

Top work.

All the best,

CCB

Thanks buddy.
😆 yes, I'm often drawn to a sinister sound.
I like those old horror flicks.
Interesting times we live in.
👍
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 09, 2024, 10:40:10 AM
Quote from: pompeyjazz on April 08, 2024, 09:34:53 PM
This is a fabulous song @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I love the way that you’ve kept it fairy simple but intertwined hard hitting lyrics. I love songs that have a jolly musical direction and combat that with a well thought out message. Bravo !
Lol yes,
Jolly tunes I usually find too much when the lyrics are also jolly.
I vaguely remember, as a kid on my paper round, replacing jolly lyrics with other lyrics.
It was a rough area. I remember having one hand in my pocket most of the paper round,
fondling a brass knuckle duster.
Ooh, those good ol' days!
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: moraamarolaloba on April 10, 2024, 11:30:09 AM
Hola @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This 3/4 has put the dance on my feet... the waltz of the vampires... A dance of realities that, more than dancing, digs a furrow in the ground that leaves the bones and remains of all of us exposed. ...
Good job!!
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 11, 2024, 01:44:18 PM
Quote from: moraamarolaloba on April 10, 2024, 11:30:09 AM
Hola @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
This 3/4 has put the dance on my feet... the waltz of the vampires... A dance of realities that, more than dancing, digs a furrow in the ground that leaves the bones and remains of all of us exposed. ...
Good job!!
Well said, Mora.
It's very seldom I try to sound modern.
Others will do that, I'll find my restrictions elsewhere.

I don't know if it's true
 but I recently told someone I'm not a soul seeker,
I'd rather dance.
She told me this song couldn't be danced to, so I danced,
(Without once bending my knees!)

Glad you liked the song. 🙂

Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: Elvis Nash on April 11, 2024, 02:21:07 PM
Quote from: rightly on April 08, 2024, 10:49:37 AM
Quote from: Elvis Nash on April 07, 2024, 08:14:10 PM
Hey man , dig the 3/4 time
Yeah its pretty bad on power struggles
Another useless election , Why bother ,
Good job man !!!

Yes, regarding politics
I tend to be a bit nihilistic
Not so in other aspects of living.
Thanks elvis.


I don't think I'm nihilistic. It could be changed on structures from the inside, for less human suffering.
But I get your nihilistic ideology.
 
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: RC James on April 11, 2024, 06:46:05 PM
The vocal sounds like it's coming up from the depths of history - a classic that fits the circumstances of any age.  It's a message that needs to be repeated until there's some semblance of equality and a fading into obscurity of privilege.
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: ChrisPrice on April 11, 2024, 11:03:16 PM
Firstly, I'm loving the lyrics. The arrangement is totally off the wall in a very good way. The 3/4 waltz time works fabulously. I really like your music - it's like no other. This is one of your best imo. Excellent track :)
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 12, 2024, 03:01:47 PM
Quote from: RC James on April 11, 2024, 06:46:05 PM
The vocal sounds like it's coming up from the depths of history - a classic that fits the circumstances of any age.  It's a message that needs to be repeated until there's some semblance of equality and a fading into obscurity of privilege.

Thanks RC
It's not my thing to write political songs, usually.
I had to keep it very simple, I tried to veer away from anything exclusively subjective.
With the voicevstanding out as it does
I'm still not sure I should leave it like that.
In a moment of uncertainty i was following some badly articulated advice from a novice engineer

So glad you like the song.
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: rightly on April 12, 2024, 03:06:40 PM
Quote from: ChrisPrice on April 11, 2024, 11:03:16 PM
Firstly, I'm loving the lyrics. The arrangement is totally off the wall in a very good way. The 3/4 waltz time works fabulously. I really like your music - it's like no other. This is one of your best imo. Excellent track :)

Was a pleasure reading your comment.
Yes the lyrics are good, at first I thought them throwaway
Then when singing spaciously I realised they're a sharp fit
and that I'm rarely this articulate.
I think we're on a similar wavelength.
 I'm happy to make your acquaintance. 😊
Title: Re: this is how the rich win the war
Post by: RC James on April 18, 2024, 05:43:11 PM
A timely piece considering the number and intensity of wars going on now.  I like how melodic this is - especially the vocals.