[beckylucythomas]

I've really been thinking about music since my last post - as a result of looking/listening through other people's work and feeling inspired (/envious!)... I never really put the effort in with the music before - just churned out lyrics into a scrappy notebook, always thinking 'I'll think about music another time'... So I have been trying to challenge myself to actually do a bit of development around some basic melody ideas... Well anyway I think it's gonna be slow progress and I'm still at the gathering my thoughts stage and trying some things out re the music, not the recording and posting stage yet... so for now it's still just lyrics! (sorry!)

The chorus for this varies slightly each time but I haven't bothered typing it out because I have a suspicion it might just be a bit shit! I'm no good at writing choruses - I always think they veer off on the cliche side of my writing - I think my verses generally manage to skirt along the edge of a cliche - but then I add a chorus and it pulls it right off into Naffsville!... any thoughts?

Don't have a title either...

 
Sometime before
The sunrise comes the chorus of the dawn
She draws to you in the blue hour
She’s so close she feels the pulse
Of life beneath your skin
And to your core
 
Chorus:
For she is the sunrise
She is the life that fills your veins
She is the sunrise
She is the hope that warms your face
 
Somewhere between
Waking and the blackness of your dreams
She laces you with kisses
So light they make the world
Not quite as black
As once it seemed
 
Chorus
 
And one day you will wake and then you’ll know
That love it must be nurtured to grow
Then the sun will reach its zenith in the sky
Refracting with the magic of kalei-doscopic colours
And all the birds will sing in chorus as they fly
But only with her, only with her
 
Something to believe
Her love for you is patient as you sleep
She trusts in providence and in time
That fate will show its purpose
And her patience rewarded
Her faith not in vain
 
Chorus
 
And one day you will wake and you will see
And you will give to her as much as you receive
 
 

[Sellon]

call it the morning song, easy enough.

ok, its good because it has a theme, at least its not like ''i love u ur the best, now come over here so i can touch your breasts'' kind of thing. actually that was a joke, what I really meant to say is ''I love you, you're my anything, i would never give you up for anything'' etc. you know what I mean, cliche to the max and no meaning, yours has meaning you're comparing someone to something as amazing as a sunrise, which is beautiful, so i think this stands out a bit more. all in all not amazing but not bad, in the middle my friend, I like it enough for if i wrote it, i would just change it a little, instead of getting rid of it completely.

[beckylucythomas]

Haha thanks Sellon! "I love you you're the best, but I have never written a song about breasts"...

Actually in this I'm comparing myself to the sunrise - cos I'm amazing right! But mainly because I keep coming back every day patiently waiting to see if anything will be any different... While the person I love is someone who sleeps right through the sunrise...

So what to change... I think the chorus... I'm starting to hate the chorus but still quite like the rest...

[beckylucythomas]

Oh yeah "she" is "me" of course - otherwise what I said made no sense at all!

[Sellon]

AHH right, so it's a 3rd person song? lol I'm confused, you use ''she'' and other 3rd person terms, so it's hard to interpret, and well, that's a pretty good meaning, i like that, nice one.

ye chorus is either too short or repetitive, elaborate on it...maybe? i dunno lol, I make choruses like that sometimes and they turn out fine...so i can't say much on it, but maybe for this particular song it doesn't work too well. anyway, good luck.

[Songsmith]

Hi,
    I like this lyric a lot but I want to hear the music you are hoping to produce with it. So good luck & I hope to hear your fruits of labour soon