The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: James Nighthawk on November 27, 2014, 10:39:34 PM
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Hey boys and girls
I will have totally new stuff to share in the new year. Mastering is go for Album #2. Until then, I have just uploaded this live version of one of my songs to Soundcloud. Some of you may have downloaded it already (it's a free EP download at my site, www.jamesnighthawk.com - errr, is it still a sales pitch if it is free?! ;) )
Anyway, I play this one live a lot as it is great fun to play...
To a well behaved audience, I play it much as you hear here. Soft and loud combined. To a rowdier crowd, I strum hard and sing loud! Covers both situations ;)
As such, in way of review, any comments on how me+my guitar can deliver this song appreciated. I like the Dylan approach of song's "changing" over time, stops me getting board with them. Tweaks to try to my performance welcome.
I got lots of mixed comments about the lyric of this one when i posted it first time over a year ago. It's a quirky one. I won't bring up the points, as I wonder if the acoustic rendition will affect people's thoughts?
The live version:
https://soundcloud.com/jamesnighthawk/ftw-live-and-acoustic
Album Version (for reference/those new to it):
https://soundcloud.com/jamesnighthawk/ftw
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#ftw
Hello from your good friend
Your friend just across town
We speak online daily
This ol’ life gets you down
A forward attachment
Breaks the working day blues
Harmless distraction
Full of harmless abuse
How r u doin’?
How have u been?
You reply with a smiley face
For the Win
So through web casts and forecasts
Our social skills stay on parole
Now our lives become hands off
As I laugh my ass off, So droll
We recount our nights out
We leave half the vowels out
Linguistic undoing,
Or modern renewing?
Who knows…
MySpace is my virtue
My home page adorned
With a little “Too much info”
We could not forewarn
Lo, stalkers and slackers
Identity fraud
But who’s really loosing face
In technology’s war?
So we roll on the floor
As we all laugh out loud
What’s so wrong?
We bookmark the pages
This R.S.S living’s ‘da bomb’
Our high speed connection
An imperial direction
To a world of false living
Where all love and all giving
Is gone, gone, gone…
Now the Day’s over
All life can begin
Skip on to our happy homes
For The Win
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I always feel a little intimidated, being the first to comment on a song, but here goes :o
I LOVE THIS SONG everything about is absolutely STELLAR! :)
Your vocals are amazing and so clear...great premise...it's all so true :)
I love the way you've written the lyrics :) got to love those smiley faces ;D ;D
I listened to both versions and I like both, but the live track sounds a little more intimate...like I'm sitting in the front row in your audience :)
I've downloaded your free album, so thanks :) I love all your stuff James :)
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Yes, it s a very nice song.
You are a very good musician.
I kinda missed a few surprises in terms of composing.
When the song started i thougth of "when a man loves a woman" :)
chords and melodies are great, but it sounds a little too familiar to me. Also that electric rhythm guitar that always plays one strum on the 2 and the 4.
it s very very accessible and it s a great production.
cheers
B
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@suzy Big hugs gal, glad you dig it!
@Butcher Yup, accessible and a tad predictable was kinda what I went for. The idea was the attack a modern subject using a 60s style of writing, with a bunch of the tropes you mention; the old juxtaposition nugget. It comes after a run of more dark songs on the album, accessible is dandy. Thanks for your comments :)
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Hi James,
Beautiful song sir ;D ;D ;
Your elegant brush strokes never fail to move me ;D
Gawd bless yer guvnr ;D ;D
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James,
Listened to the live version and I think its my favourite song of yours.
Cleaver lyrics and really catchy melodic tune. I like the way you sing the verses in particular.
:)
Neil
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Really nice song - prefer the full version but can imagine the stripped one being just fine live.
It kinda reminds me of beautiful south (in a good way)
If I had any negative comment it would be the slightly odd/american(?) way you sing some of the words
distrac-shone for example.
Good work here though
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Hi James,
It's cool, sophisticated and beautifully performed. Pop writing of the highest standard. Prefer the live version as it's just bit more organic.
M
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HEY JAMES
yeah you play so so well its a real pleasure to listen to talent like that
and the vocal reminded me a little of MR BLUNT innocent high vocal LOVED IT
i also felt like i was sat in the front row with a cold beer
this has everything it needs to get the attention and keep it ( it did with me )
lyrically nice and tight paints a nice picture too
over all James you got man LOVED IT
GOOD LUCK BUD
tony
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(I play this one live a lot as it is great fun to play)
I well believe the audience would love this fantastic performance and i would say they would be yelling for more.
WOW.
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great song! amazing performance in the live version, and great production in the album version :)
loved everything about it, can't really give any advice on it, great songwriting :)
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Hi!
I'm stuck with the live version, I like it a lot better. Do you have any videos of your performances?
I repeat myself but just voice + guitar always impress me as I can't do it myself. I found it hard to keep the audience interested. But this one keep my interest.
I didn't get all the lyrics because I'm french and I would have to take a dictionary. I'm frustrated. ;D
Great!
Nono.
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Thanks for all the lovely comments.
Yup, I have been called out before on my pronunciation of "distraction". It jars more I think, because I sing with an English accent in general, rather than american or neutral. Oddly, it was never on purpose, nor can I stop doing it even when trying! So I have filed it under "quirk" and will be cautious with future recordings. The feedback was certainly helpful!
JNx
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Thanks for all the lovely comments.
Yup, I have been called out before on my pronunciation of "distraction". It jars more I think, because I sing with an English accent in general, rather than american or neutral. Oddly, it was never on purpose, nor can I stop doing it even when trying! So I have filed it under "quirk" and will be cautious with future recordings. The feedback was certainly helpful!
JNx
It's a really easy thing to fall into especially if you listen to and are influenced by American music.
I think you are correct that mostly you sing neutral so it does stick out a little.
In honestly it's a little bit of a bug bare of mine and I can see why others haven't mentioned it as a lot of people do it.
It's not distracting from a really good song though
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Hi James
I really like this version, it showcases the song and the sharp lyric. Even though the album version is really good, I think I prefer this stripped back. It gives you room to play with the vocal delivery, which really suits the song.
Sign of quality songwriting in my opinion, to have it stand up so well with just a voice and acoustic guitar. Classy stuff mate :)
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Two quite different versions of the same song.
The studio version throws my mind back to watching 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'. For me, it could be a direct descendant from that musical. It's got Richard O'Brien and Americanisms all over it in my ears.
Nothing wrong there - just an observation.
The live (in the studio) version has a totally different acoustic vibe and, as such, evokes a different feel.
My favourite points are the two forced high vocal moments. Like them. Not usual for you.
You have a natural way of singing that (whilst not out of tune) makes me desperately want to sharpen notes for you sometimes! Ronan Keating does it. Rod Stewart does it. Both successful in their own rights but nonetheless, I get that feeling with you guys.
The lyrical content is great. The production great also although I found a couple of drum hits at odds in the studio version (timing-wise) but I feel I must leave these issues of mine on the shelf as you obviously found nothing wrong with the final release and you're the producer as well as writer/performer.
Nice one James,
Alan.
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For me this a no-brainer, the live version is way superior imho. Almost like it is a completely different song. For some reason I did not like the studio version at all. I actually almost found it disturbing to listen to which is strange since it absolutely nothing wrong with it ???
Anyway, I would not pay to much attention that, after all I heard "so this is Christmas and what have you done" in the first phrase of the first verse as well so it's probably just me loosing it... ;)
/Johan
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Hi James,
This sounds like something that the Beautiful South would have done in their pomp - something like One Last Love Song.
Really good write. The vocal has a great dynamic - to be honest i barely noticed the guitar. This isn't a problem for me - just means you really sold the song, and you can't ask for more than that.
Nice one.
Digger
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What brilliant lyrics!
I really like the live version, I think performance-wise it's all there. I love that you let rip at the punch line type bits.
I like that the melody is simple - i wouldn't have said predictable! - I think that keeping it familiar and accessible was a good choice - it works - the lyrics are already complex and the performance is very strong, so I don't think an overly complex melody (or indeed arrangement) is needed.
Really really enjoyed it! You should post more often! ;D
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As all have said, a great professional sound. And as most others I preferred the 'live' version of the song...it seems to go down better without any other embellishment than voice and guitar, but that's by the by. It's the song that counts, and as you say, this can evolve with time.
So, the song itself is well-constructed with a great melody and clever , incisive lyric that works. You said that you'd had mixed feelings from others about the lyric. I don't think anyone can say that it is not a well-built,nicely rounded piece of lyric writing. I suspect that, like me, it just isn't quite their cup of tea. i can appreciate the skill that went into writing it...it's just not my kind of thing!
Somebody I know has a song called 'The Facebook Blues' which needs no further explanation I don't suppose. I feel the same way about that.
Maybe it's just because I'm not 'connected'!!
Anyway, great, classy performance.
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I really like this song on the album
There are parts of the live version that I prefer - eg I prefer the extra "emotion" in some of the vocal lines where it sounds almost acted - such as the last line
I do think the live version lost something by being slightly slower
The perfect combination for me would be the stripped down version at the same tempo as the studio version to give it a little more "life", whilst retaining the emotion
Both versions are great though and it is a cracking song