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We are not mountains.
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We are not mountains.
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Vintage54
Platinum Album
Posts: 746
We are not mountains.
«
on:
July 12, 2016, 08:21:49 PM »
We are not mountains.
Holed up in your room
Laying low like Billy the kid
Running away from love
Keeping your heart hid
Not one beam of light
Can penetrate your gloom
You can live without the sunshine
But you can't live without the moon
We are not mountains
Can't stand alone against the cold
We're just flesh and blood
And we need a hand to hold
Your friends are worried
They've been rapping at your door
You won't let them in
But that's what friends are for
They've all been there
No one is immune
From the heartaches that come
With the changing of the moon
We are not mountains
Can't stand alone against the cold
We're just flesh and blood
And we need a hand to hold
Will you sink ever deeper
Into that ocean of despair
Like a blue whale singing sad songs
Never coming up for air
Or will you break those chains
Find your wings and once more fly
Rising like a skylark
Singing stars into the sky
I know you're hurting
And you've lost the will to fight
I know it's all gone wrong
But time will make it right
The cuts will mend
Don't throw the towel in too soon
Come out swinging
Roll with the punches of the moon
We are not mountains
Can't stand alone against the cold
We're just flesh and blood
And we need a hand to hold.
Vintage54
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Miguelrye89
Guest
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #1 on:
July 12, 2016, 09:08:57 PM »
Wow, I absolutely loved this. Will definitely read again to see what I can critique, but from a first read I thought it was great!
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CaliaMoko
Stadium Tour
Posts: 3690
Strumming on the couch in pigtails
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #2 on:
July 13, 2016, 12:49:10 AM »
I like this lyric a lot! I am really looking forward to hearing how it sounds once set to music. I have one possible nit--the line "Roll with the punches of the moon". I understand why "roll with the punches" is appropriate here, and I understand that "of the moon" maintains the pattern of ending each verse with "[something] the moon". But putting those two parts together doesn't make sense to me.
I could certainly be missing the point completely, but I thought I would mention it. Other than that, I think it's great.
Vicki
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igg
Solo Gig
Posts: 396
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #3 on:
July 13, 2016, 04:50:21 PM »
Hi Vintage,
The moon and the mountains....those fitting metaphors for change and vulnerability are beautifully used in your song....Everything is woven in very exquisitely....for me the standout resonance is "Singing stars into the sky"....Excellent work my friend!!!
igg
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hardtwistmusic
Stadium Tour
Posts: 3037
Central Oregon Sunset
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #4 on:
July 13, 2016, 08:15:16 PM »
Didn't really like this as a read.
When I sang it, it took on life. That's what a lyric should do.
I didn't mind the "punches of the moon" metaphor. I felt it was better than deviating from the "moon" ending rhyme.
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JolieThePassenger
Busker
Posts: 23
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #5 on:
July 22, 2016, 10:59:55 AM »
'Roll with the punches of the moon'
I liked this line enormously. From reading the rest of the (excellent) lyric, I felt it was almost another way of describing time (phases of the moon?) and it's effects. I'm not articulating it particularly well as I'm pressed for time, but sort of rolling with the punches that time delivers, but measured by the perpetual presence of the moon, marking time.
I liked it anyway
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tomcrocus
Solo Gig
Posts: 459
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #6 on:
July 24, 2016, 05:52:16 PM »
Love it Vintage,
as usual you rarely disappoint.
"rising like a skylark
singing stars into the sky",
that's a throwback to my youth,alas there are not too many
skylarks left in the north east of England,
top write, Tom.
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Neil C
Stadium Tour
Posts: 3970
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #7 on:
July 25, 2016, 03:43:09 PM »
Vintage,
Up to your really high standards.
Sunshine, moon, whales and skylarks all interminged in a conversation with a friend in my mind.
The 'we are not mountains' (chorus?) is very powerful.
Great
Neil
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Paulski
Stadium Tour
Posts: 4418
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #8 on:
July 25, 2016, 05:29:19 PM »
Hey Vintage
Wonderful stuff - too many good lines to mention just one.
Now my only teensy tiny nit is a personal one I'm sure - the mention of "Billy the Kid" early on - he's such a specific character that my mind went to images of outlaws/bandits etc. which took me momentarily out of the context. Maybe that was your intention - if so well done!
As Neil says chorus is stellar!
Paul
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lillypilly
Open Mic
Posts: 180
Re: We are not mountains.
«
Reply #9 on:
July 28, 2016, 11:33:18 PM »
wonderful Vintage write once again
"Rising like a Skylark singing stars into the sky"
"Like a Blue Whale singing sad songs never coming up for air"
really really nice stuff
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