[Nicolajane87]

Hi, I have just started writing a new song it's called not giving up only wrote the first verse and chorus, would like some feedback and let me know what you think of the lyrics thanks

Not giving up

Not giving up, not giving up on you

No matter how many times I fall,
I will get up for you il risk it all,
Won't let nothing come between us.
I know that they want to see me break,
Want to see tears rolling down my face,
But I will carry on and stay strong for you.

Chorus
Whatever they say, whatever they do,
I'm still not giving up on you,
I will keep on fighting for you,
However much they put me through,
Can't nobody say that I don't love you,
I'm not giving on you.

[JonnyD]

A good start to the song - I especially like the simplicity of the rhyme in the first two lines of the chorus

Obviously it needs some development - at least a second verse, but it's a good start

[seriousfun]

This is a good start. You introduce a the third party "they" in the verse and then use them again in the chorus. In both occasions it comes across as a fleeting throwaway remark, i think it could stand to be built upon a lot more and perhaps could be an idea to focus a little more on in the second verse.

The mention of they is quite general in both places and while you dont have or need the room to expand in the chorus you could be more specific on pethaps what they are doing/saying in the vetses and this will automatically add weight to them in the chorus as well.

Just an idea to move you forward if you like the direction.

Nice writing.

Allan.

[Nicolajane87]

Thank you for your comments 😊

[Peppermint]

Great start........I like it so far and I'm looking forward to seeing more of it Nicolajane87 
Also Allan has offered some great advice above.

Peppermint

[Nicolajane87]

Thank you and I have will take Allan's advice onboard

[diademgrove]

Hi Nicolajane,

as I was reading your words I started singing along. I'd put a pause (comma) in the second line "I will get up for you" pause "I'll risk it all".

If you want to follow Allan's advice changing "nothing" in the third line to "your friends" will identify the "they". "your family" works just as well but adds an extra syllable.

Like the others its a great start looking forward to where you go next.

Keith

[PeeJay]

Hi,

'Not giving up' sums up the situation here. Really good start but just needs an extra couple of verses to finish it off.

A good destination might be to describe who the 'they' are you mention. Why do they want to see you break? How are you going to overcome that? How will you feel after getting the better of them? Etc etc.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Reece!]

I think it's a fantastic start, the only thing I would say about it is the chorus almost every line ends with the word "you" the song would be stronger if you changed some of them around for example;

I'm not giving up, I can't give up

rather than ending it on "you", otherwise the rest is pretty great!

[Nicolajane87]

Thank you for all your comments.

[Nicolajane87]

Hi everyone, these are my finished lyrics to the song, let me know what you think, I have also changed the lyrics from my first post on this thread, thank you.

Not giving up

Not giving up, not giving up on you.

It's me and you till the end,
My love you can always depend on.
We started off as friends,
You were always there for me to lean on.
As time went on our feelings grew deeper,
Kept it between us, it was our little secret.
Couldn't deny our love so it was time to confess,
Left our families speechless but we had no regrets.

Don't care what they say, don't care what they do,
I'm not giving up on you,
I won't give up, I can't give up,
Our love is too strong to break up,
Not giving up, not giving up on you.

All we want to do is be together,
But it seems all they want to do is try and stop us.
Can't they see our love is forever,
Nothing is going to break us.
Do they really hate me that much,
That they want to break my heart.
I can't go on without your love,
I would hate for us to be apart.

Don't care what they say, don't care what they do,
I'm not giving up on you,
I won't give up, I cant give up,
Our love is too strong to break up,
Not giving up, not giving up on you.

[diademgrove]

Works for me, a very good set of lyrics.

Keith

[Vintage54]

    Hey!
       It works for me too. But i can't help wondering why everybody but yourself has reservations about this guy. Nothing about him in the song, all we have is your belief, and your word. But hey! if you love him, and obviously you do, no complaints. Good write, hope the next one aint a break up song.

                             Vintage54