[jmacdon]

Here's a rough demo, played on the piano live.

https://soundcloud.com/hitfactoryuk/e-minor-blues

I was in the pub this evening and on the other side of the bar was two older gents (septuagenarians) having a lively and lovely chat with two younger girls (early 20s).  This got us gossiping (very unfairly actually) about the intentions of both..... and it seemed a nice topic for a song.  So here it is. 

Is this song worth developing?
 
Through the times
When you were gone
Thats' why life
Began to move on
It was moving on so well
Until the day you came back again

The memories are short
Of the times that we were hot
But I know that's not a clue
You got motives, I know you

So why, do you lead me on?
I'm an old fool, getting on
If it's money that you want
I got plenty in the bank

Repeat CHORUS

[GTB]

Hi, I would say the song you have so far doesn't really follow on from the story in the pub. That's often the case with inspiration though, ideas develop a life of their own. Also, the song has a long way to go (I'm sure you know that) as the story and the point you want to make needs developing. the line about money in the bank sounds a bit too direct to me too, may be better to soften that.
Good idea for a song though, musically and lyrically it is definitely worth pursuing.
Now, where's that pub where the girls like older fellows? 

[Dutchbeat]

yes, cool idea for a song, worth developing, chorus sounds good, but i agree with GTB that the last line of the chorus doesn't sound completely like the right line....in my opinion

and yes  , where is that bar??? 

[diademgrove]

I think the song has potential. The first verse doesn't tie in with the story about the pub or the chorus. I like the first verse, it goes with the blues. It says to me "you ruined my life, you left and I was happy, but now you're back". The money in the bank line could work, "take it and leave me alone".

However the chorus seems to suggest I'm old, please stay as I'm well off. A completely different song in my head.

Having two directions you can take the song is a fairly good place to be, you could try both approaches and you may end up with two really good songs.

Looking forward to hearing how it develops.

Keith

[prstoncoleoakley]

Hiya first of all good song so far why don't you use a mind map of the pub situation and decide the mood that might help develop the song entirely or at least give you a rough idea of what will work and not other than fact not completed it sounds amazing keep it up

preston

[Neil C]

Conceptually & lyrically Yes. And I like the stripped backed piano backing.
One avenue you could pursue is the girls point of view.
In terms of style I think a very straight and unemotional delivery would fit the backing really well
Good luck with it.
 
Neil