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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: GTB on September 13, 2013, 12:08:39 AM
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NEW RECORDING - now sung by Lee from my band, also some (dis)chords added and mixed better :-)
https://soundcloud.com/gtbr/abominable-snowman-demo3
moderate tempo, creepy vocals, dark and a bit sinister.
It's about someone who won't be 'walking in the air' :-)
Abominable Snowman
verse 1
Don’t you love the way she moves
See how she breaks the rules
She watches me from her room
Imprisoned in this melting tomb
She taunts me as she bathes in the heat
And I can’t move my frozen feet
She smiles into my coal black eyes
She whispers her sweet little lies
She watches me dissolve into the snow
How long can I last before I go
Pre-chorus 1
Underneath the warm light she dresses for bed
Underneath the moonlight, tomorrow I may be dead.
Chorus 1
Abominable, Abominable
verse 2
She thinks of me as more than just a friend
I’d like to keep her with me ‘till the end
Everything she’s doing now for me
her life would be nothing when I’m gone
What’s the point of living all alone
Chorus 2
Abominable, Abominable
Pre-chorus 2 (High & loud)
Underneath the warm light she dresses for bed
Underneath the moonlight, tomorrow I may be dead.
Chorus 3 (High & loud)
Abominable, Abominable
thanks for reading
GTB
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IT'S ANOTHER CHRISTMAS SONG :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
And I love this one, although I feel really sorry for the snowman :'( I love the way you describe the unpredictability of their 'lives', in the pre chorus, plus how you use hot and cold opposites throughout the song. Just one question, WHERE IS THE CARROT NOSE!?⛄🌽⛄🌽⛄🌽
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Good stuff, like you say a bit creepy, I can imagine it would build and build as it progresses. You could even add some subtle bells as a nod to the wintery theme, but in a slightly dark, tombstone type of way.
Looking forward to hearing it :)
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hey,
it's not like you to do a Christmas theme song ha ha,
this is very good I like it the way it uses the hot and cold
and she dresses for bed, love to hear this to some music
get working on it please, well done, tony...
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Enjoyed this with some good lines in there - She taunts me as she bathes in the heat
And I can’t move my frozen feet. Look forward to hearing a awesome tune with it.
:)
Neil
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Hi GTB,
I was feeling sorry for this guy. It seemed a touch romantic as well as the creepy side.
I won't say it makes your heart melt. Oops i just did!
Nice one,
Phil.
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Hi GTB
What an interesting concept - written from the snowman's POV.
I like the contrasting lives of her and you (the snowman that is)
I accidentally read the lyrics first, then I read the title.
Got me thinking, that's the order a listener would likely hear it.
My point is that I didn't get the fact that it was the snowman singing
until I read the title. So, if the lyrics could make that clear earlier, it would work better IMHO.
That's gonna be a fun song to finish!
Paul
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I bet you just can't wait for Christmas haha
I love how short the chorus is, really different and rememberable
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Loved this and I am from the southern hemisphere, how the hell am I supposed to relate to a xmas snowman when its 30 degrees outside??? Crickey he'll be dead within 30 minutes :D
I didn't realy get any creep factor from this, just a melancholy feeling. I felt pretty sad for the guy at least the carrot will hang around fro a while I guess.
Allan.
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Thanks everybody, I can't believe how much 'sympathy' my stalking/peeping-tom snowman is getting, you're all weirdos ;-) Tbh I did think of him like Frankenstein's monster so that's a result!
Jess, sorry no carrot, I thought it would give things away too early.
Habitat, I like the 'bells' idea, will do that. Yes, it will build up as it goes (if I can get my voice up there ;-) and create the death throws of a snowman)
Benjo, cheers mate, I have a 1st cut with bass & drums but no guitar yet. Hope to post something tomorrow.
Neil C, nearly there, I have a tune already but as usual when I compose with Bass first I have a few tricky harmonic issues to deal with on guitar :-S
Peejay, The fact that you (& others) have expressed some empathy to my snowman is brilliant, I'm really pleased with that! - he's becoming worthy of a sequel !
Paulski, good observation about identifying him as a snowman earlier, but I did want to conceal that for a bit while I built up some tension and made people hopefully feel a bit uncomfortable first - I couldn't resist it :-)
BooBoo, thanks, I was really aware that I could have easily offended you ladies with this song so I'm glad you're ok with it. Writing it felt a bit like finding yourself walking too close behind a woman on a cold dark night.
Seriousfun, sorry about the weather you've got coming down there, while we are now looking forward to our lovely grey winter ;-)
Thanks all for reading - music to be posted soon (tomorrow, I hope)
GTB
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man GTB - you are one of the most innovative and idiosyncratic artists on here
This is clever and well written - top work mate ;D
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Thanks Kafla, - I may have found my vocal style with this one ;-)
GTB
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top marks gtb
i really got into this
i wish john peel was still around ..thats where this takes me anyway
reminds of dark comic books and kevin coyne and alex harvey band...
and all kinds of mysterious gems that flourished on his program..
great stuff
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Seriously weird this one. Your vocal totally sells it. The fact that it's nearly completely out if tune doesn't matter one bit ;-)
Unnerving, unsettling. The snowman was always a peeping Tom from the outset for me.
I'd definitely have a social drink with you GTB.
With others present obviously.
Alan.
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Thanks Nooms, yeah bring back John Peel that's what I say. Alan, if you're offering me a pint there I'd have to talk to my 'handlers' ;-)
I'm due to re-record the vocals this weekend with my band's singer so I'll post that next week.
thanks guys
GTB
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Wow - I was expecting this - wouldn't play this alone on a dark night!
You know I quite like the groove and the guitar
Is that spooky female vocals as well - and 'Abominable' is ace
You know I am being really honest here but I don't really know what else to say here ;)
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Thanks Kafla, I did the guitar in one long take so each part would come out a bit different - I never seem to get the same harmonics twice :-)
Mrs GTB thinks I should write another version from the girls point of view to go with this. Can you imagine that? me writing a song about about how women think when they are being watched by a peeping Tom snowman - come to think of it....
GTB
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Oh yes, an entire concept album, i think!! Would be amazing!!!
Out of interest, with all that distortion added, what are you vocal caveats?
Crazycool lyric writing and sound...a "bit" sinister is the understatement of the year!!
Good luck with getting the next John Lewis xmas ad! ;D ;D
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I know it's too late for the Christmas competition, but hope it makes someone smile anyway
GTB
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That chorus is ace!
Your vocalist sounds like Bon Scott when he lets rip particularly on the last chorus. Love the semitone rises? they really add tension.
Warning but I'm gonna swear.
That chorus is f'ing awesome!
Insane!
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Cheers HomelessR, my singer (Lee) will be really chuffed you compared him to Bon Scott (we are not worthy!)
There are a lot of close intervals in there and he did struggle to find the vocal melody line at first, I just keep getting drawn to weird chords and scales :-)
GTB
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Hey, this is super cool.
It has like a Nirvana or even Pixies thing going on. It is 'silly' and 'disposable' in the way that the best garage rock from that era is. Cobain used to play on that with purposefully bad rhymes and a performative vocal style, wondering if it might work for you here?