The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat

Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on September 04, 2021, 07:16:42 PM

Title: love is making justice a game
Post by: rightly on September 04, 2021, 07:16:42 PM
This song i wrote when lovesick, maybe 28 years ago.
it has evolved on guitar over the years. this is a new version.

Feedback would be nice

well
the latest mix

i mix until i'm truly sick of it. lol.

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/love-is-making-justice-a-game



lyrics:

love is making justice a game
_________________________________

I don't want to hurt anyone
I have to do something with this pain
I'm angry in a gentle way
smoke was playing in the air
I lit a candle with the greatest care
as quiet as not being there

everything is remembered in hate
and love is making justice a game
and love is making justice a game

the truth defends any criminal
you don't have to see it that way too
but I could not find exception to this rule
today I'm giving more than I'll forget
the blood has dried the hurting hasn't started yet
I'm falling down a slide it's getting wet

memories won't even go halfway
I'll curse you, still I'm glad that you came
and love is making justice a game
and love is making justice a game

and everything is remembered in hate


_____________________________

Rightly
___________________
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: moraamarolaloba on September 04, 2021, 08:40:56 PM
Hola!!!

I find it's a very good song, the arrangement is strange but logic and the rhythn is catching but there are moments the drum appears and breaks the tempo? There is something that sounds there out of tempo? Sorry, it's my perception 🥶.  @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219).   Fo the rest it's one of the bests from you.

This phrase, among others, is fantastic!

"I lit a candle with the greatest care
as quiet as not being there

Stay safe

Mora

Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: cowparsleyman on September 05, 2021, 07:19:47 PM
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - I’ve heard a few mixes of this and this this by far the best, it still retains the edgey multi time sig  drums, which to my ears only adds to the piece, although I’d bring them down the mix, so they are not the thing one focuses on, the lyrics are the star here, just brilliant words and delivered with a poison, She must have hurt you man.

Definitely easier to engage with and a rare piece, Ive never heard anyone get close to this style, have you?

Production wise you have come a long way since you went to cubase.

Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: LostBoy on September 10, 2021, 04:31:56 PM
Fantastic lyrics mate! Very well written…..very original arrangement, I enjoyed those crazy drum bits a lot…nice to hear you pushing your vocal range aswell. Good work man.😄🎶👍🏻🎶
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: ChrisPrice on September 11, 2021, 12:00:20 AM
Yes, as has already been said, great lyrics. I can certainly relate to them.. and a really adventurous arrangement. Well done mate..I love it. :)
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: rightly on September 11, 2021, 04:47:21 PM
Quote from: moraamarolaloba on September 04, 2021, 08:40:56 PM
Hola!!!

I find it's a very good song, the arrangement is strange but logic and the rhythn is catching but there are moments the drum appears and breaks the tempo? There is something that sounds there out of tempo? Sorry, it's my perception 🥶.  @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219).   Fo the rest it's one of the bests from you.

This phrase, among others, is fantastic!

"I lit a candle with the greatest care
as quiet as not being there

Stay safe

Mora



hi Mora
I've listened very carefully several times, I find it doesnt at any point break tempo.

listening to it on my phone sometimes there has been a stammer, never in the same place, but that's about the Wifi.

really glad you like the song.

lol that phrase you quoted
it has always seemed fitting to me
I remember some gentlemen talking to me after a performance taking issue with this one phrase,saying it was unnecessary "apart from that everything is alright. Sheer poetry"
I didn't know what thy were going on about and being drunk I couldn't be bothered wasting much thought on their words. We like the phrase, so that settles it!

All the best!
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: moraamarolaloba on September 11, 2021, 05:36:36 PM
"I lit a candle with the greatest care
as quiet as not being there"

Well! I reaffirm that this phrase describes so many invisible things! Really special.

Stay well

Mora
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: MonnoDB on September 12, 2021, 05:23:41 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - the lyrics are exceptional, really interesting and smart.. So many lines to pick out.... stand out for me:

I'm angry in a gentle way

everything is remembered in hate
and love is making justice a game

And especially: I'll curse you, still I'm glad that you came

This one took me a few listens to be grabbed by the song vs the lyrics but grabbed I was... Really like those heavier drum bits..

Such an inventive soul you are!

K
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: rightly on September 13, 2021, 05:13:09 PM
Quote from: MonnoDB on September 12, 2021, 05:23:41 PM
Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - the lyrics are exceptional, really interesting and smart.. So many lines to pick out.... stand out for me:

I'm angry in a gentle way

everything is remembered in hate
and love is making justice a game

And especially: I'll curse you, still I'm glad that you came

This one took me a few listens to be grabbed by the song vs the lyrics but grabbed I was... Really like those heavier drum bits..

Such an inventive soul you are!

K

@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)

I remember being inspired by an Iggy Pop lyric
something like "see the angry hills, hear them laughing"

this is one of those songs
the sentiments that i could access with this song were so private, I never thought I'd make it public
Many years later though the music improved and had changed many times
and I got distance and perspective.

I've always liked it.
Title: Re: love is making justice a game
Post by: IronKnee on September 14, 2021, 06:33:17 AM
I really, really like this. Reminds me of those cool improv poetry / jazz gigs......only with a bit more of a music score, and without the bar stool.
This would be awesome to see performed live.
V. cool.............
                              -T