The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on October 26, 2020, 11:45:32 AM
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ah, I'm done with this one.
Feedback very welcome
I'll elaborate on the origins of the song if asked to.
I hope someone likes it.
link:
https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/shimmering-gold
and lyrics
shimmering gold
a hard skin to crawl under
when you can’t get with the joke
ev’ryone is a foreigner
they want to see you up in smoke
burning, burning up in smoke
burning, burning down real slow
friends looking on, vaguely confused
cannot be expected to know
black dog bites blindingly cruel
pain has the colours of shimmering gold
burning, burning, shimmering gold
burning, burning down real slow
what of all the summer rain?
laughter from another room
all the windows and doors are closed
no exit here, enter the fool
one way mirror, a real live show
burning, burning, shimmering gold
burning, burning down real slow
burning, burning, shimmering gold
burning, burning down real slow
shimmering gold
__________________________
rightly.
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The beginning of your song puzzled me a bit, but as the chords of the strings became more structured, I got into the song.
It is always a different experience to listen to your songs and your lyrics never leave me indifferent @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Mora
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As English is not my first language I had to replay your song a couple of times to have a better understanding. I really interesting picture you paint in your soundscape.
"a hard skin to crawl under
when you can’t get with the joke
ev’ryone is a foreigner
they want to see you up in smoke".........Continue to circulate in my head ;D
Thanks a lot for posting your song
Regards from Copenhagen
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Haven't listened yet, but the lyric is a great start. I'm out of time tonight, but I'll listen soon.
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi, another one of your enigmatic constructions. I like the way it's sort of deconstructed at the start and eventually when other instruments come in it starts to have structure. A bit like a sandcastle being washed away by the sea, but in reverse.Your vocal walks with the backing, but not holding it's hand. Always interesting!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - I'd like to hear about the origins / evolution of the song.. but only if you want to :)) I have my own ideas about what it's about - and that works for me in a very vivid way - portrays the emotion and unease perfectly - that is of course, if I'm right about the meaning... and I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I take something from it. I listed a few times on a loop, as I tend to with your songs as I find when I get familiar with them, the nuances and flow really emerge for me.
Loved it @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
K
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Hi @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
I was first drawn to your song by reading the lyrics which I found interesting and absorbing, I then listened to the track a couple of times and found that although difficult I did enjoy it and will listen again. I wont pretend to understand the meaning of the lyrics as you intended but I'm grateful that you didn't offer an explanation as I've enjoyed coming up with my own interpretations etc as i've listened to the track. I also thought the quasi avant garde jazz bass and drums were great and seem to work with the synth pads and washes.
.
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What an enigmatic (To quote Jamie) songwriter you are Rightly! Those synths really crash like discordant waves all around this song! Its the synth rising and falling that dominates the soundscape here and I think this may divide some people. Like all your songs this doesn’t lend its self to the casual listener trying to find a hook. Therefore I’ve listened 4 or 5 times and each time I get a different impression of it. Complex songwriting. I love what you do. Totally unique.
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Well you sure can't pigeon hole your music @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Each creation is incredibly inventive, unusual and unique. Love the synth work on this and the almost jazz nature of the drums. I would also be interested into the origin of the lyrics. Another gem from you
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Finally got a chance to listen. Loved the vocal melody, but the instrumental was a little too busy for my tastes. I will say that as you listen, the instrumental grows on you. Many songs take several listens before they really begin to 'speak to' listeners.
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Like the title and are form jazzy intro. You really have developed your musical pallet.
And your vocal delivery suits this.
My only thought is around the mix, I think the upright bass could be a bit louder, and maybe you have less going on in the verse compared to the chorus?
:-)
neil
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It couldn't have been anyone else.
Great lyrics!
Every time I listen to one of your songs, I feel like I've been smacked in the face by a Jack in the box that was hidden inside a postage stamp.
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A hard skin to crawl under - a great way to hit us right from the start (probably the best line in the best place).
I really like the swelling (orchestra?) underneath the vocal especially in the chorus - very nice harmonic support to contrast with the more dischordant parts. The not too in your face percussion and very nice sounding bass seem very good choices too.
It's definitely you - but not too similar to your others. Cool!
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Hey@rightly, I found this really captivating - mainly because you have a very structured vocal melody there that is easy to follow, but then you accompany it with all these fragments of left field wizardry that made my head spin, ha ha! I too liked that waves landing type of orchestra that added a kind of soothing rhythm to the whole thing. Very imaginative once again.
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Hey @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - I'd like to hear about the origins / evolution of the song.. but only if you want to :)) I have my own ideas about what it's about - and that works for me in a very vivid way - portrays the emotion and unease perfectly - that is of course, if I'm right about the meaning... and I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I take something from it. I listed a few times on a loop, as I tend to with your songs as I find when I get familiar with them, the nuances and flow really emerge for me.
Loved it @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
K
Hello K
I wouldn't mind posting the background story
but look what Grubstar says after your comment. I've got to respect that.
Thanks for your comment, the appreciation from you and folks of similar talent motivates me to continue.
All the best!
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What an enigmatic (To quote Jamie) songwriter you are Rightly! Those synths really crash like discordant waves all around this song! Its the synth rising and falling that dominates the soundscape here and I think this may divide some people. Like all your songs this doesn’t lend its self to the casual listener trying to find a hook. Therefore I’ve listened 4 or 5 times and each time I get a different impression of it. Complex songwriting. I love what you do. Totally unique.
Thanks Micky
your appreciation means a lot to me.
In my lists of priorities regarding songwriting, Comfort and casual-nesss (not one of my favourite words) are not very high at all. I'll not elaborate further on that, as there might be children listening.
hey
I could call my album "casual discomforts", if you don't mind.
All the best buddy.
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Go @rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) 🤩
Another box of jumping frogs 🐸
So captivating and intriguing ❤️