Hi,
Really like the idea here, and this could be really, really good with some work and some time. I was going to pick up grammar only, but got a bit carried away and re-worked the first verse and chorus with the melody that came to my head. Had to stop myself there. Please feel free to ignore.
Mike
Hiding round the corner
Behind the scarfs, and coats and blazers.
Crying because of the words you said
Cut through to my darkest places.
Oh you. Did I almost see.
The fear in your eyes when you came for me?
Did you think I'd fall? Did you think I'd cry and tell?
You think I don't know you? I know you well.