The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: tboswell on July 15, 2016, 08:38:33 AM
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Hi all,
This is a my nasty little entry for the "bare bones" comp. Wanted to do something a bit different, so this is entirely written on piano which is a fairly new thing for me.
I've tried to build something unsettling in every way, musically (changes of time signature, uncomfortable chord progressions, fractured drum rhythms and out right dissonance) a challenging arrangement and a creepy lyric. Yet at the same time it is hopefully is seductive, drawing you in so I can get you where I need, to really mess with ya!
https://soundcloud.com/t-j-boswell/naked-to-the-bone
Enjoy,
Tom.
Disclaimer
All persons in this song are fictional and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely a coincidence and would be really quite creepy
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Naked To The Bone
(T J Boswell)
See all the animals
They're out tonight
They smell the blood that runs through your veins well out of sight
She all the shadows cast
Between the trees
I'll lay you down to sleep on that bed of autumn leaves
Meet me
In the pale moonlight
I want to know all your secrets
You just might,
Be naked to the bone tonight
See all those bluebells
Bowing their heads
They lay a trail for us to where all your fears are shed
See all humanity
All filth and tears
In a descent to hell that'll last a million years
Meet me in the pale moonlight
Hey don't it shimmer so pretty,
On this knife
Meet me
Well out of sight
We're crossing over boundary
Souls alight
And naked to the bone tonight
(c) T J Boswell 2016
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Great changes and beautiful style.
And pretty good production. Only occasionally it peaks a bit right? Maybe you meant it that way?
But beautifully played with the harmonies. The experimental sounds fit well. Gives it a nice theatrical atmosphere to it!
Well done.
BJ
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This would make a good suspense/horror show song, Hallowe'en song....
Based on what you said you were going for with the chord progressions, you achieved your goals.
From my perspective you successfully combined the suspenseful musical elements (eg, dissonances, uncomfortable chord progressions) into a cohesive unit.
Vicki
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Hi Tom,
Spare and spooky....with a great payoff line
Meet me in the pale moonlight
Hey don't it shimmer so pretty,
On this knife
Well done with and evocative vocal performance! Well done...
igg
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I suspect you can guess what I'm going to say.
First verse was my favourite music of yours I've heard - absolutely brilliant, top class, superb singing, an original and enticing melody, and terrific lyrics. Loved it. The rest has all of that, too, but the drums and synths and other instrumentation distracts. I think it would work without all of that.
But you knew I was going to say that!
Very good.
Derek
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Hi Tom,
Well now - a very nice venture from your usual soulful sound. The smooth vocal is there, but the music is much more my kind of thing. My fave of yours by some distance.
Great synth work.
The gradual build really develops the suspense. Lovely atmosphere.
Very cool.
Digger
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Hey Tom, well you didn´t mess with my head (much), but this is my favourite of yours by miles and miles. It´s really good to hear you trying something out of the normal.
The creepy synth at the start is really effective and fabulously mixed in the background. The chord changes and vocal accompianment are superb. It is really is very original stuff. I´d really like to hear it without the drums in the middle though because I think there´s enough going on there, or maybe try some creepy guitar instead (call Tina). However, the build to the crescendo at the end is a halloween-style execution (perfectly done). Consider it saved to my collection, I loved it.
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Wow Tom. This has got to be one of my favourites of yours. The discordant piano, the amazingly clever chord progressions and your subtle yet so effective use of synth sounds.
Love it. On my second listen now
John
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this is creepy! Ooooer! love the scary synths...it sounds like a song from Bare Bones the forum musical till the nightmare begins..
im thinking you had a lot of ironic fun making it sound so scary...i wouldve!
Im a sucker for your gorgeous pop melodies so I found it harder to get into on a hummability level than usual....but of course it is superb the way it conjures up the sinister & the horror & suspense ...songwriting like this makes you work by different rules
I saw you in a victorian gamekeepers outfit singing this .. definitely not alice cooper halloween makeup
tom boswell youve made my skin crawl so far im going to have to run & get it back...talk about naked to the bones! ;D
(http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h400/brightlightstonight/emoticons/2mpe5id_zps3x7bdzaj.gif) (http://s1107.photobucket.com/user/brightlightstonight/media/emoticons/2mpe5id_zps3x7bdzaj.gif.html)
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Tom,
You should definitely write for musicals or movies.
This song could also be a James Bond song too....reminds me a bit of Skyfall.
Excellent lyrics, love the pianos and synths combo.
Sandeep
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Yanno when mad old Charlie Manson's crew killed all those folk back in the day? They did it to the accompaniment of The Beatles 'Helter Skelter',which Manson believed would trigger a war between black and white.
That's what popped into my head when listening to the track. :-X
A lot of craft and your musical knowledge has gone into realising this work,Tom and it shows.
Gets better and better every play. 8)
Here's creepy for ya...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9QXY80OxS0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9QXY80OxS0)
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Hi Tom
Yes helter skelter is a good comparison - now that skub mentioned it.
Great dissonance and as you say uncomfortable chord changes.
Not for the easy-listening crowd for sure but well done for the style.
Love the vocals
Paul
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Very strong lyrics and great melody. I especially liked the build up in the vocals. Unfortunately I heard hardly anything from the piano, I think it was much too low in the mix. Don't be shy about it!
Somehow I had to think of Nick Cave's Where the Wild Roses grow... but probably more because of the topic than the music.
Great competition entry!
Bye Wolfi
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yikes :o
fantastically creepy stuff, Tom...i'd start ringing around for quotes to have an extension built onto the Boswell trophy cabinet :)
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Great stuff - I think really sucessful in what you set out to do. The atmosphere is right there and very theatrical/cinematic.
Perhaps that was just a bit overwhelming for me so I didn't really concentrate on the lyrics/melody. Maybe that's a normal trade-off - but I also wondered if a totally acoustic version could work (in a different way obviously).
So original and creative though (again!)
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creepy as all get out. I listened to it the whole way through I really enjoyed it. Kept me guessing what was coming thank you.
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thrilling song boswell
beautifully put together
lyric and voice superb
i didnt want to blink
topman
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Tom,
Love you ambition as well as your execution.
Restless piano, great drums and your fabulous vocal delivery. Cleaver lyrics too.
Too busy listening to say much more
As rooms says thrilling.
:) :)
Neil
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Creepy indeed. Slightly disturbing. Right on the money for the competition Brief. Excellent performance and arrangement and the high pitched, scraping kind of sound is bang on. It's odd really that I feel this is likely to score high in the comp. but it is extremely unlikely to appear in any play lists of mine!
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Do not play this song in the dark with the lights off!
Scared me half to death - what is that eerie sound you've got going on in the background? This is very original, different and too clever by half :)
It also has some beautiful moments. The arrangement is very cleverly done - dense with a lot of great ideas.
The vocal is a little mannered as I think I've mentioned before but otherwise, it's pretty awesome.
M
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Sets a good mood, love the lyrics! Really like the vocals as well. The time sig changes are way cool (nice to hear them outside of a prog rock context). There are some unusual progressions there but I think ther work just fine, not weirdness just for weirdness sake. One or two perhaps that I could do without but not a big deal and matter of taste naturally.
Mix sound fine, personally I found the drums a bit "muddy" and "undefied" esp the cymblas that lacked a bit bite and more or less washed around. But once again, a matter of taste.
Well done, one of my favvs in the comp for sure!
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Wow. Spooky in every way. Sounds like an excellent piece on a movie soundtrack. Very good, sir!
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WOW<Tom :o This is fantastic :o
"I've tried to build something unsettling in every way, musically (changes of time signature, uncomfortable chord progressions, fractured drum rhythms and out right dissonance) a challenging arrangement and a creepy lyric. Yet at the same time it is hopefully is seductive, drawing you in so I can get you where I need, to really mess with ya!"
I think, you've totally accomplished all, and more, that you set out to :) I love it :) Good luck! :)
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Hi Tom,
excellent, reminded me more of David Bowie rather the Beatles. Nothing I didn't like.
Keith