The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MichaelA on February 18, 2021, 06:37:50 PM
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A few Fridays back, a few of us on the forum Zoom call thought it would be AMAZING if we took part in a new challenge - and before you could hum the intro to Smoke On The Water, the Stolen Riff Challenge was born. Details here:
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=18208.0 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=18208.0)
When I say ‘a few of us’ I mean four of us to be precise. Me, @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) and @chrisprice, oh and @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) too, if he isn’t too busy listening to French radio and serenading his lovely one. But from small acorns great er...tomatoes are grown, and now @PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) has said he ‘might’ have a go. The momentum is incredible...and you too dear forum member could join in also. This world is full of opportunities. 😀
So anyway...about my entry. I started out listening to Bach's Cello Suite No 1 as an inspiration for the verse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCicM6i59_I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCicM6i59_I) In the end, not sure I really stole it as I messed around with it quite a bit. Me being a better composer than old JS Bach and all that, obviously.
But then I mashed in a chorus using the famous motif from Pachelbel's Canon, which was a direct steal, bangs to rights. ;D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvNQLJ1_HQ0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvNQLJ1_HQ0)
After patching it together I toplined a vocal and wrote some lyrics in double quick time. Well it is just a bit of fun really...but actually I do recommend the challenge as it's quite refreshingly different selecting music to deliberately rip off. As opposed to accidentally ripping it off and then someone gleefully pointing this out to you after you have spent days on it! ::)
Here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/motel-room-103 (https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/motel-room-103)
Lyrics:
Motel Room 103
Jumped into the car to drive 200 miles
Into the hills and the dark and the wilds
I said this is not the kind of thing we normally do
You said let go of the sides Bob, I’m here with you
There’s people we’re leaving, bet they’ll be upset
They’ve upset us too, you said, did I forget?
But I knew we were fleeing for a whole new start
We’re doing it, we’re doing it, following our hearts
We are together, we have everything
In Motel Room 103
And forever we’ll be smiling
In Motel Room 103
Altogether feels like family
We stole love, you and me
We are together, and we’ve got the key
To Motel Room 103
You turned to me on that long long ride
And said darling just promise to stay by my side
I said be careful what you wish for, Denise you’re daft,
We’re like glue you and me
Stuck together, we laughed
And our grown up kids, we then both realised
Will never see us again, we will be despised
But they never asked us round very often, we agreed
At this time of our lives
We have needs, we have needs
CHORUS
Gaze in the bathroom mirror
See a face that shows it’s lived
All my decisions etched there
That some will never forgive
Then in the bedroom now
There’s Vera, Chuck and Dave
All tucked up in bed with you
We stole them
We’ll hold them
Love them too
CHORUS
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What a blatant rip off @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) To be honest I'm not familiar with either piece of music but now having listened, I see what you've done. Very clever. It all hangs together very well and as usual there's a very interesting story to the song. You didn't mention the Vera, Chuck and Dave rip off though :)
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Excellent! I too didn't know the piece so had to check it out. But what you've done here is great. To be honest I reckon you could probably release this and no-one would raise an eyebrow. Btw, I haven't forgotten about the challenge..I just need to find some time to work at it. I will. :)
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Shameless...... ;D. Great lyric, that Bach knew a thing or two, and the other composer that I can't spell...... 8) I didn't hear the cannons though! :o
Cheers
Jamie
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Despite the "Borrowed" (ripped off riffs), this is trademark @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274).
It's really interesting how you've woven your own unique style into this musical famework. The chorus is especially catchy. I think that your usual style benefits from a less busy approach so, O think you should ditch the borrowed parts and present this as a classic MichaeA song. It's melodically very cool and tells a story that draws us all in.
Kudos!
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First of all, I think this is a great idea for stimulating new ideas, by "borrowing" from others that you would normally look to.
You've done a really nice job here, and although it sounds like you, it also is not the sort of song you would normally come up with, so well done!
I love the lyrics, witty but also with a touch of poignancy, without sentimentality.
(By the way, you are not the first to "borrow" from Pachelbel : Don't Look Back In Anger by Oasis and Whiter Shade of Pale both took inspiration from it ....)
Kevin
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
This challenge is certainly bringing out the best in the top echelons of talent on here. This is beautifully arranged and produced and I can't believe you knocked these lyrics out quickly - perhaps the secret!
Catchy chorus and refreshingly different from the expected.
M
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Even if Bach and his lawyers hadn’t long since turned to dust, he’d never make it stand up in court...and you could comfortably remove the bits that he might have been getting his beehive wig in a twist over and make it another brilliant Michael A song without the bits you probably only really left in to show it was for the stolen riff challenge.
Lyrics are super...the delivery is excellent too.
Neck and neck at the front of the pack, I’d say
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Hi guys, thanks for the feedback. I actually like the song a bit more now it seems a few of you enjoyed it ;) I might ‘de-classicalise’ it a bit one day, certainly the verses, when the challenge is forgotten, as @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) says, maybe make it a little simpler. Cheers Paul.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269), glad you enjoyed the Vera, Chuck and Dave bit. I didn’t think it all that subtle, but I guess you have to be of a certain age to get it, as proven by a thirty odd year old family member who didn’t get it at all. 😀
Hi @ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723), cheers for checking it out. Yep I am sure I would get away with it too. But even so, the ripped off bits are well out of copyright these days, so no probs there anyway.
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125), I applied a high pass filter which has dampened the canon. Sorry about that ;D
Hi @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775), I didn’t know about those other Pachelbel rip offs, but since you mention it, it is quite obvious. The one I did know about was ‘Freebird’. Cheers for the feedback 😀
Hi @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) , thanks for that. Yes I sometimes manage to write lyrics quickly, once I have the central idea that is. It just means I have to totally get into the zone and don’t let anything distract me. But I find coming up with the seed of the idea often harder than knocking out the full lyrics. But thanks a lot for this encouragement 👍
Hi @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253), yep as I mentioned above I might simplify the arrangement after the challenge is done, cos I do quite like it as a pop tune. Cheers for the thumbs up! 😉
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This works really well - and I think it would take a very sharp ear to recognise either piece (P's cannon has been done a million times though so it all blurs into one).
They're both great pieces though (almost of course) and so ripe places for inspiration.
It's a song with potential too - I kind of agree there's lots going on here so definitely worth another look if you like.
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Thanks @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) , yep I did think it could be developed a bit. So I've done an edit where I concentrated more on making it a good song rather than getting the stolen riffs to be prominent. Maybe this is also along the lines of what @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) and @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) meant about making it more of a MichaelA song?
I've left the Bach riff variation just there in the verse bass line, and took out all the heavy cellos. Then I've added a bit of sweet acoustic, which especially moves the attention away from Pachelbel in the chorus. Then deleted about six string members of the OTT orchestra! Anyway the song feels a bit more like one of my own now, so I'm happier :)
https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/motel-room-103 (https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/motel-room-103)
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Nice tweaks @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) It's definitely a MichaelA song. Not a stolen riff of cannon in sight
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) good move - you'd never know where this came from. (Just one thing - that percussion (kick? cajón?!) really seems to stick out - I'd have a look at that and maybe go with some more complete drums...)
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Thanks @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , yes I will save the canons for the end of lockdown. Cheers 👍
Thanks for the re-listen @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124). Yes I’m glad you think my cunning disguise worked. I am still mulling over the percussion point, thanks for the idea.
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So I'm hearing this @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) without the stolen riffs I believe... Great lyrics.. as always a great story told...
Interesting exercise I'd say - nice looking for another starting point when entering into a new song.. Hmmmm!
Nice work, sir!
K
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Production is really clean! Very nice mix and beautiful voice. Great sound and melody!
Maya
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Hi Karen, @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820), yes the riffs are pretty subliminal in the verse now. In the chorus it is the descending chord run of Pachelbel’s Canon that is stolen. But the distracting guitar motif I put on top of that is me hoping i got away with it. Yes it was an interesting way of ending up with a song, although somehow a bit too workmanlike for me. Cheers.
Thanks @Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) for those nice comments. 😀