[UnknownLegend]

Hi folks

I've just recorded a new demo take of this song, just me bashing away on my guitar and recordeded on my iPad, I plan to record it properly over the next few weeks but would appreciate some feedback from you good people if possible

Cheers

http://soundcloud.com/the-unknown-legend/shes-an-angel-demo




The lyrics are;


The world turns, leaves behind a fading sun
As night dawns, has evening shadows on the run

Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way

Im Falling
Captured by the wave of her whisper
A Calling
Feel so alive when I kiss ya

Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way
Shes an angel, come to light my way

When she comes and lifts me on a wave to
my world, she brightens up the days, for
All time, we could fill the empty sky
She is to me The keeper of my soul

The world turns and leaves behind a fading sun

Cheers

[S.T.C]

 

I liked the guitar.

[UnknownLegend]

I liked the guitar.

Cheers, I think 

[nooms]

hi UL, welcome to the forum,
i like the moody lyric and a nice feel to the guitar ,
suggests a good atmospheric track but sadly your vocals are way off..
sometimes we can be the last one to know, get so close to an idea, dont hear it in real time..

keep at it, you can write songs but need to look hard at your vocal
all the best,
nooms

[faero]

There are some nice chord changes and the structure is solid too.  The song is very nicely put together.    I am hoping you can hear that the vocals are wildy out of tune and unfortunately kill the song almost completely.  
(No point in me saying otherwise as that would defeat the purpose of the forum)

Definitely worth another go on the vocals to see if you can get them closer to the chords? Maybe check you can hear the song ok as you play/listen back to the guitar etc.

[tina m]

youve lost an n somewhere &  you cant sing
if you hadnt come barging in here demanding feedback & showed some signs you read the rules & were going to contribute here i would have put that a lot nicer

[UnknownLegend]

Cheers for the replys very helpful,

I'll have another go at it.

I'm no singer mind I just like trying to write a tune

[UnknownLegend]

youve lost an n somewhere &  you cant sing
if you hadnt come barging in here demanding feedback & showed some signs you read the rules & were going to contribute here i would have put that a lot nicer

Soz chief

[Schavuitje]

  Chief Tina 

I tried to listen but for some reason it wouldn't work. 

[andy5544]

Hi,the links not working , i think Tina frightened him off

[UnknownLegend]

Hi,the links not working , i think Tina frightened him off

She is dreadfully scary!

Ive took it Down, I'm going to try and record a better version of it

[S.T.C]

I liked the guitar.

Cheers, I think 

it was a complement...but your singing needs a little work.

[Schavuitje]

Oh I was laughing, but you best do as she says... 

[bewarethisboy]

I hope is goes well - and look forward to listening. BTB

[UnknownLegend]

The skkkkyyy bit is horrendous, I'll probably get Celine a ring for that bit