[ric]

Jillian (A Song for)

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11646036&q=hi

Looking out of her window
Jillian -
Climbing down from the window sill
Jillian, don’t fall

Moonlight dapples through tall trees on
Jillian -
Owls glide silent till first light gleams
Jillian, go slow, take your time

Well nocturnal roaming
& there’s just no knowing
& the wind is blowing
Her name across the sky

Jillian good-bye

And here’s a song in the morning for
Jillian
Fair meadowsweet, broom, oak in bloom for
Jillian - she's here

Springtide echoes with birdsong for
Jillian -
Lady of flowers, lady of grace
Jillian, fly high on wings so fine

Well nocturnal roaming...
~ blowing petals ‘cross the sky  ...
~ her name across the sky ...

Jillian good-bye

Good-bye



..............................................


Hi,

A song for Jillian: this based on a story about a girl who gets changed into an owl :> am calling this psych-folk rock because most of what i do is inspired by the psychedelic 60s & 70s.

Many thanks,

Ric

[The Corsair]

I think 'psych folk rock' is a great way to put it...

This is a very interesting song... It puts me in mind of PaTD's second album, though it sounds like a very unpolished version of that sound...

The vocals get a bit awkward in the higher notes and held notes, so you may want to look into that.

Personally the only downside for me was, like I mentioned before, the fact that it sounds very unpolished. Then again, that mainly comes from my preference and there are people who like the rougher sound you have here.

By the way, here's the song it put me in mind of...

[garner]

I'm responding as I'm listening for the third time ... this time not reading the lyrics while I'm listening ... there are a couple of times where I couldn't make out the lyrics ... usually when there are lower notes in the melody ...

I do like the feel of the song ... but I'm not sure that I got that she actually turned into an owl and flew away from the lyrics ... I kind of thought that Jillian died ... but I guess anyone who turns into an owl dies a certain death of sorts

all that being said I really like the melody of the song here "nocturnal roaming, & there’s just no knowing, the wind is blowing, Her name across the sky" ... I was singing along with that part of the song ... I thought that was lovely

[ric]

I think 'psych folk rock' is a great way to put it...here's the song it put me in mind of...

Hi Corsair,

voice is ever the unknown quantity, was about to dub vocals over acoustic soundtrack but at last moment thought might lose whole feel of piece in doing that, so guide vocals stayed.

PaTD - that was fun to listen to, thanks but yes although i constantly aim to improve on what i do that type of production is not really my thing, i think i prefer a vaguely 'live' sound as opposed to the clinical precision that a pro studio can supply. I'd still like to improve the overall sound though.

many thanks,

Ric

[ric]

... I was singing along with that part of the song ...

Hi Garner,

Thanks for taking a listen Yes you're right, she's not an owl at this stage, still a human being but the owl aspect is all around her as she creeps out the house surrounded by night; that's based on a story by Alan Garner (a relation?) but goes back to a much older story drawn from myth. The song is very tongue in cheek, it just sort of suggested itself & came together like that. I wish I was a better singer yes - did Jillian die? I don't think so, she just went away - she's also an aspect of the spring which is ever anticipated & then transformed into summer before you realise it, so a case of 'hello & good-bye' I think. I am glad you liked the melody, it's nice to hear that a person can sing along to this song!

Ric

[nooms]

hi ric
enjoyed this
your vocals eccentric, bit naive & bit neil y in places..works well for me
love the feel your going for....
my only quibble is the drums , wish theyd just stay straight backbone fashion let everything else hang over the sides..still though i like its precariousnessness..

[andy5544]

liked the song and the story ,very different , found the drumbeat a bit off putting .

apart from the drums ,all good 

[Schavuitje]

Hiya
Overall I liked this but the vocals didn't work for me and I agree about the drums. They were off-putting and a bit out of time too.
Take nothing away from the piece though, those things are fixable 

[cheff daniel]

fine melody in this song. i think you have the right atmospere but need to work on the drums and lead guitar. overall i liked it very much.



gr.   Dan

[Boydie]

This style is not really my bag but I can appreciate that there is something in here...

The track is crying out for a solid groove throughout - the stop/start nature of the drums is quite off putting

However, I can really see a band performing this on Jools Holland and it wouldn't sound out of place at all

I agree with the other points that have been raised - although I actually quite liked the vocal delivery

I can understand why you didn't overdub the vocal but I would suggest that you "embrace" multi track recording - when you get used to it you will worry less about losing any kind of feel with (an evil) overdub

[ric]

hi ric
enjoyed this - your vocals eccentric, bit naive & bit neil y in places..works well for me - love the feel your going for....only quibble is the drums , wish theyd just stay straight backbone fashion let everything else hang over the sides..still though i like its precariousnessness

Ta Nooms,

a drummer i ain't :-o think i changed key three times before i could find something i could span for the whole song. many thanks for the kind comments!

Ric

[ric]

liked the song and the story ,very different , found the drumbeat a bit off putting .
apart from the drums ,all good 

Thanks Andy - luv drums but am hopeless it seems. Never mind, all my songs are demos in a way so they could be re-recorded at some stage. Then again re-recording some of them might lose that certain something from them, so it's probably not as open & shut as i'm trying to make it sound.



Ric

[Boydie]

Hi ric

I mean what I am about to say in the nicest way and it is not a criticism of you directly but a general observation of some songwriters' approach to recording, which has been sparked by a few of the comments you have made in this thread...

Although it is sometimes possible to capture the perfect take first time, capturing that "spark" of brilliance, I think it is easy to fall in to a trap of "I have captured my song and it is so special it can't be tampered with"

I am worried this approach could stiffle your development as a songwriter

I would suggest that overdubbing vocals, rerecording bad takes, tightening the sound, experimenting with different instrumentation, rewriting sections of the song, re-arranging the song, re-mixing the song, collaborating with others etc etc are all ways in which you can improve and nurture your songs

This is only my opinion so you can of course ignore it - I have only posted this to try to help you open up your options to improve your material

I will go out on a limb and say with 100% certainty that a re-recording (or tweaking within a computer) to tighten up the rhythm would improve your song WITHOUT "losing a certain something" - unless thst certain something was the disjointed rhythm

I dont mean any of this to sound harsh but I think you would develop your writing, and end up with much better songs, if you widened your options a little and not be too "precious" with your first recording - it can be great fun ripping your own songs apart and rebuilding them, you will either end up with something better or worse case go back to the original - at least you would have given yourself some options

[ric]

Overall I liked this but the vocals didn't work for me and I agree about the drums. They were off-putting and a bit out of time too...Take nothing away from the piece though, those things are fixable

Thanks Schavuitje - yea, i'm a lousy drummer & keep meaning to take lessons, need a decent drum kit too :-o I'm stuck with my vocal cords though, unless I get a 'voice lift' or something!

Ric

[ric]

fine melody in this song. i think you have the right atmospere but need to work on the drums and lead guitar. overall i liked it very much. gr.   Dan

Kind thanks Cheff,

Maybe the guitar a little too loud or too insistent?

Ric