The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: SFX on January 13, 2019, 09:51:55 PM
-
It was dead of winter when I saw you crossing my path like a meteor
That's when my mind went crazy and to this day it gets no easier
Then you came closer, overdoser, and now I'm struggling to breathe
But your breathe in my mouth, on my skin, activates the animal in me
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
Eyes of fiery lamentation makin' me wanna go dancing in the acid rain
So cute but you got that kick like butter dripping down my dirty face
Lips as scarlet as your tousled hair and my heavy beating booming heart
I don't know whether I wanna rip you in two or I wanna be ripped apart
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
Come on Dante, let's get nasty in this burning circle of Hell
Ooh al dente, feed me plenty, even if it's hard to swallow
Don't want dirty, don't want flirty, just want you anyway I can have
Up and down or round and round, in the front and in the back
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
-
Let me suggest the following format changes to make this easier to follow the "rhythmic flow" of.
This did not "look" like a lyric, but when I broke it down like this, it sang easily and well.
It was dead of winter when I saw you -- crossing my path like a meteor
That's when my mind went crazy -- and to this day it gets no easier
Then you came closer, overdoser, -- and now I'm struggling to breathe
But your breathe in my mouth, on my skin, -- activates the animal in me
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
Eyes of fiery lamentation -- makin' me wanna go dancing in the acid rain
So cute but you got that kick like -- butter dripping down my dirty face
Lips as scarlet as your tousled hair -- and my heavy beating booming heart
I don't know whether I wanna rip you in two -- or I wanna be ripped apart
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
Come on Dante, let's get nasty -- in this burning circle of Hell
Ooh al dente, feed me plenty, -- even if it's hard to swallow
Don't want dirty, don't want flirty, --- just want you anyway I can have
Up and down or round and round, -- in the front and in the back
Ding dong Dakota
Revvin' me up like a Toyota
Gosh dang Dakota
Gonna make me pop my cork like a soda
Hot damn Dakota
Really really fillin' up my fuckin' quota
My sweet little Dakota
Givin' me some dirty thoughts- lemma show ya
When we are trying to review a lyric.... the smaller you can break down the components for us, the more likely we are to get your (rhythmic) flow, and thus the point of your lyric. They are small things, but the dashes indicating separation REALLY help us to understand your rhythm. I may not have gotten all of them in the places you intend, but the point is, if you want us to understand what you do intend, break it down for us.