First draft of a song I wrote, a midtempo song with a rap.. I would appreciate your feedback
Deep underground
Our secret place
No sign of the light
We'd soon have to face
Your arms around me
Like seaweed encasing jewels
The tides, they do turn
And they had me fooled
Oh your skin is tan
Tan as the sand
The golden grains
That slipped through my hands
I left my heart in Valhalla
Behind a waterfall of dreams
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
Dwindling in the streams
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
Buried deep in the sea
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
And it refuses to leave
Deep darkened storm
We would wait to pass
After every tsunami
In bounty we'd bask
Thought I learned to swim
But with one vengeful wave
You syphoned me away
And showed me my mistake
Your eyes are blue
As blue as the sea
But not as blue
As blue as me
CHORUS
For a while there you were like the cat who got the cream
Fantasies of me in the ocean- talk about a wet dream
Oyster to your pearl, universe to my world
Your body is my cargo and darling I feel the surge, oh
Believe me I'm ready to blow
Air bubbles, double trouble and I swear I got my fill
Got your pills and your thrills, oh
Gold revolver, shoot to kill
Yayo
I'm hypodermic for your love
So undeserving of your love
Can never get enough, one touch
Feel the rush,baby you really fuck me up
And I know
Nothing of the grottoes or the seaweed strewn coves
But when your lips touch mine that's where my body goes,
Oh shit
Your bodys a whirlpool and I'm drowning in it, got me wet
Let me catch my breath for a minute
Urban exploration, private expedition
Look around, there ain't no competition
You want me and only me, no other fish in the sea like me
And you're my everything, I don't ask for much
An embrace embodied by the washing tides in and out of torrid love
Just believe
My love for you is as vast as the sea
An oasis
In which I die
No strength to fight
The angry tide
CHORUS