This certainly is a very catchy tune. Both the verse and chorus are strong. It may be an idea to change the backing, eg add a synth sound, in the second half of the verse to maintain the interest level. I felt it was beginning to sound a little repetitive towards the end. You'll also need a break somewhere in the full song.
In terms of the lyrics some work really well eg without a goodbye party or a see you again someday. Excellent!
However I also have a few major issues. First of all, you've repeated the word "away" and "day". (verse and later in the chorus). I think you need to change this and have some alternative lyrics without "ay". Also is "Father came" in the opening line "Father came but he ran away" OK? What exactly does it mean? One alternative may be " One night father ran away" and then you explain later on that he'd been absent previously?
Also some other words don't scan too well eg mother she had a breakdown, turn those clocks back.
You also rhyme break down with handed down which sounds a little weak.
I thing you need to spend a bit more time looking at the lyrics and make sure they really fit the music well and there are stronger good rhymes Otherwise you'll diminish the impact of a very promising melody. Hope this helps,
Alex S
