The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on September 01, 2018, 07:26:29 PM
-
I wrote this about a year ago and played it only on guitar for a while
This is the Cubase version. I'm still a beginner with Cubase, I like this version of it.
Feedback welcome
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/alone-on-the-bridge-1
Alone On The Bridge
potential was squandered
neglect has turned it brown
no amount of water
did ever touch the ground
step away from that door
and leave those orphaned keys
for all of your fine splendour
you never found relief
alone on the bridge, you were floating on it
longer than you would like to admit
kill or be killed, if that's what gets you
up on your heels, and running until...
away from all the noise
deep in your empty room
your resurected voice
serenades a distant moon
dressed for a funeral
you never leave the house
with ev'ry passing day
another light goes out
alone on the bridge, attractions effacing
darker than the quicksand you are chasing
do what thou willt, shall be the whole of the law
. . for loving oneself
back to the bridge, you are floating on it
longer than you would care to admit
la noche oscura del alma
Alone on the Bridge
________________________________
Rightly
-
Hi Rightly. I might be totally stupid but I couldn't find the link to the song so I checked it out on Soundcloud. I love what you're doing in cubebase. Loved the original as well. Totally unique as ever. The vinyl scratches and FX work so well. Totally out there and original as ever
-
Hi Rightly. I might be totally stupid but I couldn't find the link to the song so I checked it out on Soundcloud. I love what you're doing in cubebase. Loved the original as well. Totally unique as ever. The vinyl scratches and FX work so well. Totally out there and original as ever
Thanks Pompey for the heads up.
Glad zou liked the song!!
-
You have a great pace.. it's in the house of Cohen... I dig it.
-
Very obtuse......yet; a compelling, atmospheric write that keeps me interested and listening. And while listening, I am challenged with figuring out just what you are singing about. The lyric is poetic enough to promise a comprehensive ending.
I must admit, I have to listen some more ;)
Never-the-less, "Alone On The Bridge" is an interesting song, and your vocal is one of particular conviction.
Good stuff, man!
Good stuff..................
-Tom
-
Your vocals are always so unique, kind of brooding. Very suited to this piece. A couple times I wished I could hear the ends of the words a little better, but not a biggie. I liked the treatment. I can't think of anything to suggest for improvement.
Vicki
-
Yo Rightly.
A melancholic song with verse full of agonising soul searching and wasted opportunities.
Dark night of the soul indeed,Rightly.
A deeply moving piece and a well versed warning to those who spend too much time alone.
I can relate.
-
I recognize some of those birds! Haha. Beautiful, sad and painful lyrics. Your singing sounds really good.
-
pretty stark vocals which make it even more easier to listen to, but for me I had to read it as a poem first and just loved it, it is kinda what I would expect from Leonard Cohen,
to me it is a keeper
cheers
Lilly
-
Hi!
It's such a beautiful voice))
It certainly differs from all that we hear on TV, in movies, etc.
The voice of the real English aristocrat ;)
The lyric is very good and refined.
Thank you!)
-
Your vocals are always so unique, kind of brooding. Very suited to this piece. A couple times I wished I could hear the ends of the words a little better, but not a biggie. I liked the treatment. I can't think of anything to suggest for improvement.
Vicki
Hi. @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)
Yes, sometimes the last consonant is cut. This has been on my radar a short time, it's possibly the next stop on my road to improving.
Glad you liked the song.
-
I recognize some of those birds! Haha. Beautiful, sad and painful lyrics. Your singing sounds really good.
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171). Thanks, was tired when I recorded this, the caged bird followed, after that it was all downhill, for two other songs, one I have to do again from scratch.
I'm happy with this song though. I knew the words and it felt relevant to me.
All the best!
-
pretty stark vocals which make it even more easier to listen to, but for me I had to read it as a poem first and just loved it, it is kinda what I would expect from Leonard Cohen,
to me it is a keeper
cheers
Lilly
Thanks so much @lillypilly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19725)
It always phases me when I'm compared to L. C., he's one of my top cats.
-
Puts Tom Waits in mind for me a little although I note a LC ref which I can see too. Having said that you strike me as very original and unique... Intriguing lyrics @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) and I love the instrumentation and the engaging and unusual treatments really work to add interest to what is already pretty interesting...
Loved this!
-
Interesting piece of work always good to hear something original - well sung I thought with discipline -I’d have liked a bit more experimentation regarding just taking the music and putting a few more little twists in but maybe that’s the point /
Had real feeling in and that’s the main thing
-
Puts Tom Waits in mind for me a little although I note a LC ref which I can see too. Having said that you strike me as very original and unique... Intriguing lyrics @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) and I love the instrumentation and the engaging and unusual treatments really work to add interest to what is already pretty interesting...
Loved this!
hi.
This was somehow and surprisingly an easy song to commit to a DAW treatment
Sometimes it ocurred to me it was a litlle spare with the instruments, then I'd remember that was one of my main aims to begin with.
A few weeks passed before the studio and engineer were ready for recording, in this time I gnawed away at seemingly little changes, often coming to to the point where I thought "okay, Now it is finished".
I'm making steady progress with DAWs and production and I reached the insight that taking one's time is essential.
Glad you liked it MonnoDB. :D
-
This is very sophisticated and complex stuff. There is too much discord to make this a relaxing listen but that's not what it's about. Your vocal is incredible - so original and unforced. It's art for it's own sake.
M