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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on September 19, 2020, 02:49:15 PM
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without my love
‘In france the stars rejoice, her daughter has returned.’
Some songs announce themselves with an explosion that can’t be ignored. They have all the glitter of a starry night. This one I think, is a slow burner but I believe it has a certain charm that I am proud to embrace.
This song is called ‘Without my love.’
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/paul-without-my-love-mastered
Without my love
I awoke in the winter light,
maybe two in the afternoon.
as the sun fell upon my skin
I was loathe to let the day begin.
In my slumber where my dreams decide
you were smiling, you were right beside me.
I awoke in the winter light.
Perfect blue, no sign of you
then the sky said “Mr, you’re awake,
love has gone and the day won’t break."
In my slumber where my dreams decide
you were smiling, you were right beside me.
In France the stars rejoice.
Her daughter has returned
and though I keep her close
I am concerned for I am still without my love.
Still without my love.
I awoke, I could clearly see
that time was standing still for me.
I have no wish to ever leave.
I was lost, that I do believe.
In France the stars rejoice.
Her daughter has returned
and though I keep her close
I am concerned for I am still without my love.
still without my love,
still without my love,
still without my love.
Written by Paul Vasey
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/paul-without-my-love-mastered
Next up is a song called ‘one for the doubters’ that promises to rip the plaster from the walls!
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Great smooth sound. I like the production, here.........very easy on the ears.
Good writing and performances. I like the harmonies......good stuff.
Great groove............
-Tom
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It's been fascinating learning more about your writing process through our Friday night chats Paul. This is yet another extremely well written song. Tastefully choice of instrumentation and a lovely melancholy melody. I think that you are right about this one being a slow burner but hey, most of the best songs are. Really enjoyed it Paul
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I had a good 3 listens to this earlier today and your own assessment of it is spot on I think....”a slow burner with a real charm to it.” 😄👍🏻 I do think the harmony is a little too loud and could come down a dB or 2....especially on the word “rejoice” but that’s all I’ve got. Nice work as always mate.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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Hey fellas, thanks for reviewing.
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409), you wouldn't believe the work that has gone into getting this ready for presentation.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269),
so pleased that you persevered with this ne. It is indeed a slow burner and still I prix this above many of my more immediate songs tt grab the listeners attention.
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
thank you for your considered response and repeat listening. I've acted upon your harmony suggestion and nave lowered the harmony vocal in the mix.
thanks again
Paul
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Very romantic song Paul, ‘missing people‘ is a rich theme to explore, and you’ve tackled this intelligently with some delicate instrumentation and melancholy mood. It’s not full of big hooks, but the subtlety of the song really suits it and so the ‘slow burn’ approach is just right actually.
I really like the contrast between the sad verse and the joyous chorus where France is winning. ;) Plus those little bursts of supporting instrumentation are really sweet, eg the tinkling piano. All well thought out and a really nice listen for me.
Hope she comes home soon though, poor lad! 😉
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The way you wrote and produce Paul always takes me away to a unique place - you create musical landscapes and when you listen on headphones you can really hear all the music.
I know how meticulous you are with every note and line and it pays huge dividends here. This is classic writing and performing and I know I will never get close to this level.
I might write the odd good song and fluke the odd good production but this is art.
The breakdown sections are perfect and the piano note intro (and throughout) create a beautiful urgency and counterpoint to the gentle guitar strums...and the French accordion is just the bomb - man that’s genius
Another one to add to the canon @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
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Lovely song @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) .. gentle with lovely instrumentation underpinning it. Piano intro very attention grabbing and works well throughout. The accordion a clever addition.
Lyrics are really good - I particularly liked the lines about your dreams deciding you were smiling... also the stars rejoicing in France. Lovely touches.
Fab!
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Hi Paul - I had a few listens and I'll admit at first maybe it didn't connect. But returning to it, I really got taken with the driving rhythms of the verses and then the more introspective moments in between.
Lovely simple piano and sprinkle of strings (and accordions - happy memories).
I really really like the lyrics, particularly that chorus, really original and cliche-free and emotional.
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I like how this one develops......nice and gentle but steadily etching itself into my listening consciousness.
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Really like the production on this, it has a very smooth, flowing quality and some really nice touches. First rate writing and execution, well done.
(Somewhat reminds me of the Lightening Seeds, only better :) )
Kevin
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Hi @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
I really liked this, very impressive a real grower , I loved the latino? style drum,bass rhythm guitar with the fabulous piano refrain on top. Great lyrics and your usual faboulous vocal delivery. Nice one.
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Top drawer!
Not just a song...all your songs bring more than just words and music to the party.
Loved the little French flourish accordion twinkle in there!
Very classy indeed :-)
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Hi Paul,
Sounds like it belongs in a movie during a travelling scene or where time is passing by quickly.
As you mention, perhaps not instant, in your face - but definitely has charm.
I like that dark synth that seeps in every so often and then those higher notes that tinkle here and there.
Digger
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Hi Paul, great production, great vibe, a slow burner as you say. I particularly liked the cello/string/synth parts. Your trademark vocal finishes it off nicely.
Nice one
Cheers
Jamie
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Love the detail and observation in your lyrics and the way you use subtlety to draw the listener in rather than hitting them over the head with the obvious. As usual, the vocal is beautifully done. Such detail and care taken with the instrumentation. You really are a master at this songwriting/recording thing. The delicacy and density of the track reminds me of mid period Joni Mitchell.
Fabulous stuff.
M
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Hola @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231)
Sorry, I thought I commented here but... no
your ballad of love is ethereal, it does not load the words with too many explanations, the scene unfolds full of changes of colors and sensations. I liked it very much, very delicate., pleasant to listen to.
Mora
Stay safe
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This is great Paul. Love the repetition of the hook and interesting chord progressions and lyrics.
The ivories are tickled nicely.
Production is spot on too - what's not to like?
Great work - best one of yours since Bruce S. and Me - IMHO
Paul
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really like this paul
lovely light feel to it , sparse, sprightly and sparkling, the three s’ss !
mixed with a warmth & sadness in the words, stirred with the vocal..
and viola ! or volia !
you have us on the ‘tender-hooks’ mate
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Hi Paul
very easy on the ears and as been stated not so hooky but drives along nicely with a smattering of piano and others instruments to keep things interesting. Production and clarity of sound adds to the easy on the ears. I thought the little violin interjection worked well but sounded a little harsh or perhaps a little loud on my iPad but hey listening on an iPad is never the best idea.
Nice tune, sung and performed really well.
BB