The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on September 23, 2020, 08:28:29 PM
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Hi All...
This is not a sad song ( :o ;D).. I thought I should just mention that as it's a little unusual for me.. Edit - although I do acknowledge it is dark, a dark love song so to speak :)
I've been mucking around with this for ever it seems... And it's had lots of different arrangements but finally here I am... As ever I've bent the ear of that young Swedish fella @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) whose patience I test on a regular basis.. so my thanks to him as ever..
As always by the time I post, I know I've still got tweaking to do but if I don't release, I'll be tweaking until my ears fall off.
And yes, the outro is long, very long but I've decided not to conform on this occasion.. For those of you who find it interminable, I did spare you the (almost as) long piano intro.. now deleted..
All comments / advice etc etc wholly welcome..
Karen
I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you
I'm like putty in your hands
I relish your demands
And welcome every feeling you invite
I'm enthralled and I'm transfixed
Love never felt like this
So maybe this time we got it right
I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you
I told you once in a flash of truth
I love the bones of you
With such intensity it almost hurts
And I still feel the same
I'm like a moth to your flame
And I don't care if I burn
I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you
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This is another piece of the highest quality Karen. A beautiful love song. The intro is haunting, almost medieval sounding with the harmonies that you use. The build is quite exquisite and the introduction of the bass and guitar is just perfect. Oh, and the outro worked for me as well. Top, top song :)
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Good evening @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Beautiful from the beginning. I'd say that's love, sacrificing everything for someone that you love. Excellent piano break. Such a beautiful soundscape for a beautiful cause!
Paul
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You are a dark soul alright Karen, as even in the ‘not a sad song’ pre-billing even I wasn’t expecting such a musically moody and deep offering as this. Well for a start, even though it is at the end, I loved the piano outro. I imagined it as the end of a sad TV drama where the camera pans back to review a scene of tragedy from an aerial distance. It would definitely work like that!
It’s relatively bare bones too, but I was wondering what a choral like synth pad would sound like on that chorus, and that outro could definitely be layered to a crescendo as an alternative. Not that what you have done isn’t beautiful. It’s just that I was thinking that the track has a restrained yet powerful inner tension to it, and in some ways I wanted it just to finally explode.
But that’s just me, ha! It’s a fabulously well measured piece, super just as is. I really liked those different but very dramatic harmonies. And the uneasy feeling that although I’d like a woman to love me like this, well she could be a bit too much to handle in an obsessive kind of way. The love affirming lyrics clash with the dark accompaniment. Well if you meant all that, you are just a genius. I’m giving up this music thing right now! ;)
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Wow it seems a week for raw-heart-opening on the forum. I'd find it difficult to put these feelings into words and express them with such honesty. You always transmit the art of your songs in a special way.
I found the almost religious setting unsettling at times (perhaps sensing some of the danger suggested by MichaelA). The bones, burning and demands lend a little ambiguity and support to that idea. Powerful flavours indeed.
Two very banal suggestions: the first lines of the verses (putty in your hands, flash of truth) get a little lost and could do with some automation to bring them up; and the piano outro is not loo long at all but I felt didn't quite match the feeling of the main section - perhaps using a more similar reverb could help the two gel together more?
This one has everything, it's a top quality piece.
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You keep excelling Karen! I loved most of it and i really liked the piano outro, but then I'm a sucker for a great piano piece )I should really learn to play one!).
For me I didn't like the intro as much, having a stripped back chorus didn't really give me the feel of what was to come. However when the verse started I was hooked. I also really liked the second verse when the guitar and bass are involved. Great stuff Karen!
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Maybe not a sad song, as you say, but the protagonist doesn't seem to have a healthy sense of self-worth. That attitude is common in love songs, so definitely not out of line and this is actually a new (to me, anyway) and creative way to present the theme. The whole thing is gorgeous, definitely. I find the minor key interesting in what appears to be a happy love song. Could it be insinuating shades of negativity for the way the protagonist is willing to basically erase herself in favor of her love?
I really like the development of the music. Starting light and getting thicker and richer as it goes. Really draws me in. I always like piano, so I enjoyed the ending.
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A whole chorus of Karen’s - ahhhhhh nice 😍
Very Celtic folk which I love. The harmonies are bold and brave. I am sure there are obvious comments about who you sound like but I am big sucker for natural accents coming through 👏🏻
I love the harmonies in the chorus - it’s almost like a chant - or a spell to bewitch your lover. I can imagine singing this at mass after too much of the priests wine 🤪🍷 As I say some excellent vocal work which blends in nicely.
I’ve made up my mind I don’t just like this , I love it! How do people come up with this stuff in their houses lol. And I love the outro - I could have listened to more of that this morning . What a gorgeous song 👍🏻
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lovely
I'm a sucker for the accent
but this is good besides all that
nice piano
so much work went into those vocal harmonies (at least it would be work for me)
well Done!!
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Love the acapella intro and the sound of that piano. Seriously good vocals throughout, @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
The song really takes on its character, though, when the bass and guitar come in. Might sound cool to have a long timed delay at the end of some of those guitar parts to echo them along.
I think that the long piano outro is critical to how the song lands with the listener (at least to this listener) as that piano is an extension of your vocals in a way and the way you play it out seals the deal on the emotional impact of the song.
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Very nice song this Karen. I agree that it sounds almost medieval with the gorgeous choral harmonies. Spooky weirdness in a good way. I like the piano/bass outro..not too long at all & as you say essential to the song. Lovely stuff.
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Lovely song, great vocals and harmonies. It certainly has a Celtic feel ( which I like) and I love the piano towards the end.
This would be excellent as a backing track on a Netflix original!
Well done, Kevin
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Your song has captivated me, it is simple but deep, the minimalist arrangement fits perfectly with the melody and the style that you wanted to give it. the use of the voice with chorus envelops the song in an aura of mysticism that I love, no, or your song is sad, it is a total surrender to love @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Big kiss for you!!!
Mora
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A really, really fabulous song and arrangement with outstanding vocals and Irish folk style harmonies in the chorus.I loved the lyrics and thought the Piano outro was 1st class, no need to tweak or change anything.Very original, great track.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, a delightful arrangement with lovely celtic feel to it.Love the instrumentation and the harmonies are lovely. Sometimes less is more, and that's definitely the case here.
Great song!
Cheers
Jamie
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Thanks all for your lovely comments.. This one had a tricky journey out of my DAW between the song itself, the piano melody, time sig messing, inability to decide on a chorus melody (hence the 3-part - I just used them all, sung individually as potential leads not as harmonies :)).. So other songs have come and gone in the meantime.. so it’s great to finally have it out there… The church thing is a surprise though... although maybe I can understand it now it’s being mentioned..
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - thanks so much for your lovely words.. they mean a lot.. too kind, sir
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - such lovely comments - I thank you..
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - are you calling me dramatic again?!?!? :) You know I don’t do drama!! :) Well yes it is dark. I’ll give you that.. this song has evolved but the passion or impassioned verse 2 which has that darker imagery grew out of the “love the bones of you” line which is one of my very favourite terms of endearment which I find lends itself to supportive expression of love during difficult times.. as always, thoughtful comments.. I thank you! Interesting synth suggestions, I shall try them out.. Thank you so much as always!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - the religious thing as noted above is a surprise to me. Yes there’s darkness in there and the imagery is a little stark.. Thanks re the automation notes.. will look at that and the keys reverb.. I agree there’s a little disconnect between the two - I had a 12-string in there which I extended to the first beat of the outtro but it was so crap I deleted it.. I’ll have a look.. Thanks a mill!
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) - such lovely comments.. Hear you on the acappela - can’t quite believe I was that brave but it’s probably a love/hate thing. Thanks so much..
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - it’s funny you picked up on that - I’m working on another at the moment which has lyrics that are less than empowering and I’m rewriting them as they don’t sit well with me.. this one less so for some reason.. It’s not my story although parts come from me.. it’s always interesting to write of darkness - I tend not to introduce my songs with context both when real or not.. maybe I should
more.. anyway thanks so much for your detailed listen and comments.. much appreciated!
@kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) - lol re a whole chorus of me.. sounds a little scary.. thanks for the lovely comments … Not sure what church you’re going to - sounds a lot more interesting than my (distant) memory of mass… Thanks for your lovely comments ..
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - well the accent has a life of its own.. just keeps poking out.. The harms were less work than you’d imagine.. As noted above, I just sang the choruses 3 times with different melody lines against the bare backing. I’m amazed the match to be honest.. Thank you!
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) Thanks a mill - interesting suggestions.. perhaps beyond my abilities but I shall have a look.. Lovely comments you are too kind!!
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) Spooky weirdness you say? I like that a lot, thanks!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) - lovely words, I thank you, kind sir!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) - Big kiss to you too - such lovely words..
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) wow - thank you so much.. chuffed!
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - delighted you liked it - thank you so much.
Delighted I am.. Thanks all..
K
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Hi Karen, just popping in to say I enjoyed my listen to this.😄👍🏻 I had no issue with the outro at all, sounded lovely. A very engaging track despite minimal instrumentation. Nice work with all those harmonies, all nicely placed in the stereo field. Good stuff as always mate!🎶👊🏻🎶
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Hi Karen.
A bit late but I couldn't let it pass without saying that I thought you were bang on the money again here in every respect. Those layered vocals are a work of art. The ending just hangs there superbly. Like a portrait.
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Hi Karen,
I don't know how you do it. Another great track.
The vocals are great. Could hear a massive choir doing those harmony parts in a cathedral.
The whole arrangement is so well judged. It's stunning.
Depeche Mode in their darker days would have been happy to have done something like this. (And that is a massive compliment as I'm a big DM fan. :D)
Something like Pimpf meets If Want You Now. (Music For The Masses album if you're not familiar)
Great stuff as always.
Digger
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Hi Karen,
I wish someone would say who they think you sound like - I can't hear any similarity to anyone I know. This has a lovely Celtic vibe and the 12(?) string acoustic gives it a lovely, stately feel. The piano part is beautifully done and finishes this superb track off perfectly. My favourite song of yours - truly brilliant, beautiful music.
M
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Hey @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) wow, blown away by your comments.. Thank you so much.. It's a 6-string actually.. I did have a 12-string in as well but I took it out..
Hiya @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) .. what lovely comments.. DM you say? I'll check out those tracks.. completely delighted you liked it..
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - thanks so much for checking this out and for your lovely words.. mean a lot you know..
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Leo - thanks a mill for that - you are too kind, sir!
Thanks all - really delighted to receive such great comments.. :)
K