The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: vibesville on July 29, 2012, 11:46:22 PM
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Link to airplay at the end of post :)
OK went back to the drawing board a little on this although I need to re record the vocals. I kinda like where it's going now though.
Anyway feedback as always, much appreciated :)
Gone - http://soundcloud.com/kirbyhowarth/gone (http://soundcloud.com/kirbyhowarth/gone)
Gone
I want to keep your love inside my heart
I wanna take your hand so we can talk
about the love we've always shared
It's a love that shows we care
I want to live inside your world
and if I leave I would surely fall
But I could fall for no one less
It's your love that I caress
Please please, please don't go
I'd give my life to have you close
laying here I think of you
and the love we never knew
I want to take the tears that you have cried
put them in a place that you can't find
so everyday you'll wake and smile
and feel a love that's so worth while
I'll take the pain out of your day
So you'll always want to stay
in these arms that keep you warm
with a love that rides the storm
Please please, please don't go
Don't leave me here alone
I can't bare the thought your gone
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hi kirby
lovely piano
beautiful song, emotional vocal
think youd be right about a female voice, it would work really well,
dont think you should do much to it other than that
very radio friendly again
fine work
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Beautiful, beautiful song...I'm on my knees ;D......Why aren't you famous ??
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Beautiful, beautiful song...I'm on my knees ;D......Why aren't you famous ??
I'm not lucky enough Mr B :) Thank you
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the thing I love about your stuff (actually I love everything about you stuff) is I that it would be great in so many different arrangements. I love this as it is. Bon Jovi could make a rock anthem out of it - and it would be bloody lovely as an emotional modern folk song. This is top notch. Top quality song writing. Top quality performance too. Love it to bits. BTB
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the thing I love about your stuff (actually I love everything about you stuff) is I that it would be great in so many different arrangements. I love this as it is. Bon Jovi could make a rock anthem out of it - and it would be bloody lovely as an emotional modern folk song. This is top notch. Top quality song writing. Top quality performance too. Love it to bits. BTB
Your to kind BTB! Thank you it's much appreciated :)
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Lovely vocals, nice piano playing and the sort of top notch song writing that I've come to expect from you. It's beyond criticism. I hate you :'(
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Lovely vocals, nice piano playing and the sort of top notch song writing that I've come to expect from you. It's beyond criticism. I hate you :'(
Haha... not to much I hope MD ;)
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Short n sweet vibes me ol'bean , lovely tune , as someone else said you could make this in any style you wanted , loved it , very touching.
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I'm jealous
That is superb
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best tune i've heard like from you, deep, emotional, dig the piano aswell, great song! this kinda stuff should be top of pops!
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Short and sweet. I like that the lyrics are simple but go straight for the heart, and your voice compliments them nicely. You have one of those voices that really adds to the melody and lyrics just through sheer tone, I love the slight croaks and cracks that gives it the emotion. If you do go for a female singer for the chorus, make sure it's a backing vocal and and that it doesn't overpower your vocals too much - someone with a full but soft, folky sound would do nicely. Don't Celine Dion. Sweet songwriting.
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Wow! big thanks to you all for the great comments, I'm blown away. I really, really do appreciate it... thank you :)
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P.S. I've now added the lyrics if anyone want's to have a look :)
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this song is a gem. captures an essence of Coldplay but with your own unique panache. A+
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this song is a gem. captures an essence of Coldplay but with your own unique panache. A+
Thanks Daren, much appreciated :)
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that is ridiculously well done!!!!
what a beautiful song!!!!!!!!
i am pretty sure mrs. DB would absolutely love to sing that chorus (but i get complaints about how i record her voice, and/ or people don't like her voice...i think her voice is great, but i am not the most objective person to judge this...and if i would say something else i would be in trouble ;D)
and, we have a Dutch accent, no doubt...so that probably won't work
here is a song i made on which you can hear her voice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bigchKZRtVs&list=UUKIka_VENBJcBRbs60GGq2w&index=4&feature=plcp (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bigchKZRtVs&list=UUKIka_VENBJcBRbs60GGq2w&index=4&feature=plcp)
and here is a link to a (very old) recording, on which i didn't do the mixing, so you can her voice better, perhaps (?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSfLHmf2o_c&list=UUKIka_VENBJcBRbs60GGq2w&index=8&feature=plcp (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSfLHmf2o_c&list=UUKIka_VENBJcBRbs60GGq2w&index=8&feature=plcp)
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that is ridiculously well done!!!!
what a beautiful song!!!!!!!!
Thanks DB :)
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I've re-worked this track and thought I'd post it for anyone who wanted to have another listen, hope that's OK :)
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sounds really good
i cant recall the details of the earlier version but i like this, sounds really good,
reminds of coldplay and very radio friendly, all seems to fit naturally. dont know what plans you have vocally, mentioned a girl vocalist before ?
whatever, works for me.
words are a bit sweet for my personal taste but thats me, just sounds like a hit song
very nice mate and good to see you back here
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sounds really good
i cant recall the details of the earlier version but i like this, sounds really good,
reminds of coldplay and very radio friendly, all seems to fit naturally. dont know what plans you have vocally, mentioned a girl vocalist before ?
whatever, works for me.
words are a bit sweet for my personal taste but thats me, just sounds like a hit song
very nice mate and good to see you back here
Thanks Nooms, good to be back :)
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Nice song, got a lot of Snow Patrol flavour from it. The only thing I would change (And this is purely a personal opinion) is rather than the 16 beat drums towards the end I would keep the same drum rhythm throughout and maybe add some heavier strings to beef that section up instead. Other than that I really enjoyed it, it's a very nice song.
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love it, perfect songwriting
cooolll
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Very good. Definitely cut from the same tree as Coldplay, Snow patrol, etc. Understated yet anthemic at the same time.
Good stuff.
Digger
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some of the lyrics a bit predictable but a nice enough all round production
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some of the lyrics a bit predictable but a nice enough all round production
Sorry Kirby, but Weaver sums it up - it's all very predictable and Westlife-ish. BUT, on the plus side, your vocal production is excellent and brims full of emotion. You have great vocals, so rather than copy the norm, why not just write and sing a track that suits your style ? I can't wait to hear the results!
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I'm jealous of the production, the levels, clarity and so forth was brilliant on my headphones.
The strings don't quite work but that's because your using keyboard strings/vst's or whatever you use and it's difficult, I know :P
Don't know how you are recording but if you are using anything like Ableton try tweaking the volume here and there to create the effect of a human player rather than a constant, perfect note, that is too perfect.
It's all very well put together but it's just all too familliar and safe for my own personal taste.
Am sure a lot of people would like it though.
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Thanks to all for the feedback it's very much appreciated and on the whole is really positive.
some of the lyrics a bit predictable but a nice enough all round production
Weaver: You know you could be right, I think it's the nature of love songs that they are probabally going to be a little predictable through lyrics and theme.
[/quote]
Sorry Kirby, but Weaver sums it up - it's all very predictable and Westlife-ish. BUT, on the plus side, your vocal production is excellent and brims full of emotion. You have great vocals, so rather than copy the norm, why not just write and sing a track that suits your style ? I can't wait to hear the results!
[/quote]
John: its funny, I got a sence that the reference to Westlife was a negative one but I do take that as a positive. Lets be honest the songwriters/composers who wrote for Westlife have nice little royality payments every so often and if this song was picked up by a publisher looking after the interests of a band like that, I would be more than happy.
Predictability is in all our lives and something we all relate to, if my predictability has still resulted in a good song, then fantastic and over all based on feedback I think it works.
I've probabally come across as overly protective about my artistic compostition, which I guess makes me like every one else on here, which is more than OK to be ;)
You've given me honest feedback and that is truelly what I want and thank you, it is much appreciated.
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This is a really nice work. I loved your voice. It emulates feelings so strongly. Very emotional. The only notice is that the rhythm is a bit repetitive in the whole song. I think a kind of solo or maybe a rhythm change in the middle could help to get the song more full. But generally it really is an amazing work of art. And excellent sound quality! Bravo :)
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wow. what is there to say other than this is a pure gem!
very Radiohead/Coldplay/Muse i.m.o.
brilliant. simply brilliant.
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wow. what is there to say other than this is a pure gem!
very Radiohead/Coldplay/Muse i.m.o.
brilliant. simply brilliant.
Daren, what can I say... thank you for the kind words, really appreciate it :)
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epic! classic track! def the best tune i've heard from you!
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Wow, very impressed :o
I don't think I've heard the first version, but I'm loving this one !! Instant hit for me :)
Kind of Coldplay meets Snow Patrol.
Can't fault this in any way... really really strong songwriting, performance and production !
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Big thanks to all for the praise and the feedback I really do appreciate it, this is a favorite of mine... so thank you :)
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John: its funny, I got a sence that the reference to Westlife was a negative one but I do take that as a positive. Lets be honest the songwriters/composers who wrote for Westlife have nice little royality payments every so often and if this song was picked up by a publisher looking after the interests of a band like that, I would be more than happy.
You're right it was an off-hand but positive comment! That is why my songs are pretty cheesy because I know the commercial value of such songs! - just think Westlife and High School Musical! It needs a more defined hook and then, you've nailed it! Email it to Louis Walsh - you neva know!!
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Well I managed some local BBC airplay with this track which is a good start.
Gone played on BBC Radio York (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p012sjhg), 10 minutes in if your interested :)
Links good for 7 days only.
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cool! nice one mate!
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no criticism at all - sometimes you just need to acknowledge you listened , you enjoyed and wish you had written this song yourself :D
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Hiya,
Well my eleven year old said what are you listening to and I replied a song from the songwriters forum she said wow I thought you had Absolute Radio on - I personally think that's high praise indeed.
I loved it and I loved your voice on it too.
Flossie
x
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Good stuff mate - well deserved :)
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Really great song - well written lyrically and musically, excellent vocals and good production. These are my favourite types of song - they sound simple but are actually really hard to pull off but you've done just that!
This to me is as good as anything you would hear on the radio by any given artist - well done mate and so you should be very proud of this gem. 8)
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This is a popular song here and has a lot of good points. It does need some attention as far as recording goes though. Firstly, something happens at the verse start. You bring in a couple of extra tracks abruptly and this can be heard left and right. The strings are too thin and synthy and I would leave them out (the song is strong enough without them). Finally, I didn't like the drum track. It just doesn't work. Too busy and contradictory to the rest of the song. I'd also back off on the comp on the vocal (it gets a little breathy in parts). Your vocal performance is good.
I know this comment is going to stick out like a sore thumb but my offerings are honest and hopefully helpful to you.
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Big big thank you to you all for the support and love, means a lot and really do appreciate it :)
epic! classic track! def the best tune i've heard from you!
Wow, very impressed :o
I don't think I've heard the first version, but I'm loving this one !! Instant hit for me :)
Kind of Coldplay meets Snow Patrol.
Can't fault this in any way... really really strong songwriting, performance and production !
cool! nice one mate!
no criticism at all - sometimes you just need to acknowledge you listened , you enjoyed and wish you had written this song yourself :D
Hiya,
Well my eleven year old said what are you listening to and I replied a song from the songwriters forum she said wow I thought you had Absolute Radio on - I personally think that's high praise indeed.
I loved it and I loved your voice on it too.
Flossie
x
Good stuff mate - well deserved :)
Really great song - well written lyrically and musically, excellent vocals and good production. These are my favourite types of song - they sound simple but are actually really hard to pull off but you've done just that!
This to me is as good as anything you would hear on the radio by any given artist - well done mate and so you should be very proud of this gem. 8)
Thank you again :)
Kirby x
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Hi Vibes, nice to see you back ;D....I'm still on my knees from when I first heard this. Excellent song. If you don't get any success from this, then I'm going to quit trying ;D. great news about the radio exposure.....It's well deserved. If you need someone to carry your guitar for you when you're rich and famous, let me know....my 'carrying' rates are very reasonable ;D
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This is a popular song here and has a lot of good points. It does need some attention as far as recording goes though. Firstly, something happens at the verse start. You bring in a couple of extra tracks abruptly and this can be heard left and right. The strings are too thin and synthy and I would leave them out (the song is strong enough without them). Finally, I didn't like the drum track. It just doesn't work. Too busy and contradictory to the rest of the song. I'd also back off on the comp on the vocal (it gets a little breathy in parts). Your vocal performance is good.
I know this comment is going to stick out like a sore thumb but my offerings are honest and hopefully helpful to you.
Hi Alan, you make some constructive comments which are very honest and equally fair :)
I suppose it's all about personal choice when putting your own tracks together. You yourself have written some great tracks which are well recording, mixed, performed and very polished and clean.
For me I like a little rawness, like an imperfect diamond. Just because we can pick up on imperfections doesn't necessarily make it any the less beautiful. One man's trash is another man's treasure, so to speak ;)
What can I say, I love it! Could I have done better in the process? Yes. Would it have made it more appealing to a wider audience? maybe. It's swings and roundabouts when it comes to music and as well you know you can't please everyone, but that is more than OK with me.
Big thanks for the feedback Alan, much appreciated.
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Hi Vibes, nice to see you back ;D....I'm still on my knees from when I first heard this. Excellent song. If you don't get any success from this, then I'm going to quit trying ;D. great news about the radio exposure.....It's well deserved. If you need someone to carry your guitar for you when you're rich and famous, let me know....my 'carrying' rates are very reasonable ;D
Haha :) thank you very much :)