[stargirl]

Based around the idea of putting Romeo and Juliet on at a theatre. Any feedback would be great. Thanks.
(V1)
The wings are alive with chatter,
The buzz is flowing through the crowd,
Tonight’s the night of the love story,
The dressing rooms silent,
Do not disturb sign is warning us all,
The leads playing the lead in her own story,

(C)
I’ll rewrite the scene,
Juliet’s getting on my nerves,
And this over dramatic actress,
Is about to be killed off now,
I’ll rewrite the scene,
Hope Romeo doesn’t mind,
He’s not dying this time,
Juliet’s going to take her last bow now,

(V2)
The wings are alive with whispers,
As she walks down to smile at me,
Oh my, that was almost sincere,
The stage is echoing silence,
Tension almost visible as we,
All wait for Juliet to disappear,

(C)

(V3)
For a woman taught to be anything,
She’s so hated for what she is,
For a woman taught to be something,
She made the wrong decision,
And she’s not his tonight,
Romeo, keep Juliet out of the light,

(C) x2

[tone]

I like the idea of this song, but I think it lacks flow.  By which I mean it doesn't read like song lyrics, and I think it would be very hard to make this lyric fit to music.  You may of course have already put it to music, and proven me wrong, so I'll reserve judgement as yet.

I like the way you've included the audience in the song, it gives it an originality.  There's one line I'd definitely change and it's

The leads playing the lead in her own story

Use of the word lead twice so near to one another doesn't work for me, and I'm sure there's another word you can use instead.

Also, is this a first draft? It just feels like one...

Definite potential, needs a bit of tidying up though.

[british anarchy]

this to me feals more like the director commentry of the scenes rather than a song would be intrested in hearing how it sounds

a good start needs tweaking tone is better at giving advice than me

[gibsona07]

I think this is a really brilliant idea and reads brilliantly as poetry. I think the verses are really brilliant, i love the sound and alliteration of the lines, and contrary to what tone suggests I think using the word 'lead' gives it a nice sound and makes it roll of the tongue a bit better, but that could just be my preference.

However, I think some of the lines in the chorus don't seem to quite flow, although they may sound better with music.

Please post a recording of it soon as I am eager to hear the finall results 

[stargirl]

Thanks for the feedback.

It is a first draft and i will take into account all you guys said when I make my second. Hopefully I will have a recording done soon but I have a load of back up to clear first :S

Thanks again