[Schavuitje]

Thought I would re-post this here where it should be  
Please have a listen and try not to take the bad quality of the recording put you off too much  

http://www.myspace.com/camerashy007

[Nathan1709]

Nice arpeggio.  Seems like an unusual chord progression to my ear.  I like the harmonies too. If I did have one criticism it would be that the vocals are a bit indistinct in places and I have trouble making out the lyrics although this is probably more due to the recording than anything else.

I like your laid back vocal style a lot.

[Schavuitje]

Thanks Nathan   There are some ugly chords in there but I like that. Couldn't tell you what some of them are called though  
I know what you're saying about the vocals. I hear the same  
The trouble is this is actually my first attempt at recording a song on a computer.
I'm using a line 6 pod farm UX1 with no add ons, ez drummer, and ableton live 8 and I have no experience with any of these programs so it's been a really hard process.
I don't seem to be getting enough volume without there being too much noise and everything sounds too bassy!
Not to mention that I can't get anything like a decent bass sound out of the ux1. My bass sounds dire through it.
I'm learning slowly but surely as I progress  
I've tried to tweak it afterwards but I think it's going to take a complete re-record to get it sounding anything like.
Still wondering how to solve the bass and volume probs though  

Oh here's the lyrics 

Bang, bang.


VERSE 1

She found out

Photo’s from outside a motel window

That left her in no doubt

She let it all out


Bang, bang the door swung open wide

Nowhere for him or her to hide

The girl got dressed her husband lied

Why after all these years she cried

VERSE 2

He told her

Said he hadn’t ever, ever loved her

Said she hadn’t meant a thing

But she could keep the ring


Bang, bang is what the neighbours said

Two holes inside a poor mans head

A grieving widow is what they read

As they safely tucked themselves in bed

CHORUS

Why didn’t they say that love could end this way

No one told you it hurt, and the pain might stay

 Stay and never go away

Might stay, stay and hurt someone someday
VERSE 3

She’d killed him

And now she couldn’t face the guilt inside her

She hit it with some gin

And stuck a needle in


INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE


Bang, bang her heart began to race

The cold took her in its embrace

Regret appeared to leave no trace

Upon her worn and weary face



CHORUS

Why didn’t they say that love could end this way

No one told you it hurt, and the pain might stay

 Stay and never go away

Might stay, stay and hurt someone someday

[tone]

Wow, this is brave! And dark.  I feel your pain with regard to getting what you want out of recording software, and I really think it's doing a disservice to this song. I think I can hear what you want this song to sound like, and it's really interesting.  I think the guitar could do with being pushed back a bit so that those crazy chords are less in the same space as the vocals. The texture is beautiful, but the proximity is too much for my brain!
Nice work Shavuitje - I like your style very much. Puts me in a mind of Steely Dan and Eels both at the same time!
In terms of criticism, there's not much I can offer. I think it's one of those songs that a listener will either 'get' or not. But I can hear the thought and love that's gone into it, which makes it a success in my book.

[Schavuitje]

haha I know what you mean about the dark.
I'm not sure where the idea for this song came from. I think maybe watching Forensic detectives and FBI files too much 
I enjoy songs with a story to tell and wanted to do the same myself.
The quality of the recording and the mixing really is paining me though and I'm just really glad that you can I how I really want it to sound.
I'm really new at recording my stuff though and all these programs I use are quite alien to me. I'm learning... but it's a really frustrating process.
Thanks for your comments