The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on March 30, 2021, 09:32:06 PM
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I seem to venture out of 4/4 territory once again, this time it is 7/4 with some 4/4 thrown in for good measure. Still sounds pretty "normal" though :)
As always, @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) was a fantastic support while working on the lyrics but this time she also provided some of the keyboard parts. Well, I may have edit them a bit so if anything sounds odd it is my fault..
All any any feedback very much appreciated.
Say what you have to say
I'm not standing in your way
Time has changed us
Still you want to stay?
You’re not OK and I know it
You are fooling no-one
You try so hard to hide it
From yourself more than from me
Once
Maybe twice
We can pick up all the pieces
but it comes at a price
Do we dare walk away?
We're so addicted to the games we play
Every single day
What do I need to do
To get through to you
The next move is yours
I’ve given you my truth
I’m not OK and you know it
I’m so afraid to show it
I try so hard to hide it
From myself more than from you
Once
Maybe twice
We can pick up all the pieces
but it comes at a price
Do we dare walk away?
We're so addicted to the games we play
Every single day
I still believe
If we can start over
We can make it through
Put the past behind us
And the fear won’t find us
If we start anew
We're not OK but we know it
and we're not afraid to show it
We're done trying to hide it
We're not holding back
Once
Maybe twice
We can pick up all the pieces
but it comes at a price
Do we dare walk away?
We're so addicted to the games we play
Every single day
Do we dare walk away?
We're so addicted to the games we play
Every single day
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Oh ya....I'm the first, to say just how enjoyable the performances are. Great song, man. Very uplifting!! Dig the vibe.......a real winner!!
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Hi, really nice song with some lovely chord changes and harmonies. Nice production too. The phrasing in the first few lines of Once, maybe twice, We can.....sounded a bit unnatural to me, but I'm prone to the same :o ::) ;).
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Truly luv your voice man. I would add more distortion or overdrive to your guitar. Maybe add a solo in there too. and sometimes I have the feeling that theres something not in rythm. Could be me too.
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Ah I love 7/4 -- reminds of some of my favourite bands from the 90s grunge era. Your voice suits this song particularly well and the production is fantastic. Really nicely done 8)
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) this is so uplifting! Beautiful pairing of the guitar and piano to open, then you sweep it up to a brilliant euphoric chorus! Love the harmonies you use there! Like the way you cleverly wind it all back in again before it builds back up to that great chorus... and in 7/4 too!...brilliant!👌
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This is a clever piece @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) It's taken me a few listens to really appreciate the subtleties of the time signature. I found it a bit awkward on the first listen but now I really did it :) It's a great arrangement and I like the dropout and build section with the piano a lot - Another song of the highest quality form you for sure
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409): thank you, glad you appreciated it!
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125): thanks, you're too kind. The phrasing, well yes, singing to a 7/4 was eh..... different ;D
@Veance (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22148): thanks a mill. Good suggestions, I've sort of gotten tired of solos lately and there is so much stuff in the chorus that more distortion would probably overload the whole thing.
@The Holographic Rodeo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22741): Thanks pal, much appreciated!
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704): I'm running out of ways to say thanks but you get the idea :)
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269): Glad you took the time to get into the 7/4, I recon it was worth it :)
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Hey @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) This is an adult subject treated to a great direct and honest song. Your vocals are simply superb and your harmonies are perfect. The chorus is a real hook fest. Superb production and arrangement which carries enough variation and change of pace to keep the listener's ear. Strangely, you accent adds to the power of this song which is beautifully melodic, particularly that chorus mmm...
M
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Hey @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) This is an adult subject treated to a great direct and honest song. Your vocals are simply superb and your harmonies are perfect. The chorus is a real hook fest. Superb production and arrangement which carries enough variation and change of pace to keep the listener's ear. Strangely, you accent adds to the power of this song which is beautifully melodic, particularly that chorus mmm...
M
Do you suggest I have an accent!?!?! ;D ;D ;D ;D
Joke aside, thanks a mill for the kind words, much appreciated
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Hi mate, you really do sound great on this one...those harmonies are ace! The keys are really fab. (Well done Karen...or Jams editing!😆🤷🏼♂️) Great lyrics and very true...although with two young kids im FOREVER picking up the bloody pieces!!🤪😂🤦🏼♂️
I actually thought the time signature sounded cool and different until the last chorus where I felt the extra snare hits at “do we dare walk away...” threw the flow off for me a little...I know u want the end to have everything kicking off, but if it was me I would just copy and paste the same beat that worked in the first and second choruses into the last.
I loved the stripped down bridge.👍🏻 Great stuff man...as always.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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Hola @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Good good track and sound, I think it runs very equilibrated but I think same than @Veance (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22148) regarding some moments in rhythm ?