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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: seriousfun on September 14, 2015, 11:37:26 PM

Title: Descender
Post by: seriousfun on September 14, 2015, 11:37:26 PM

My latest work is called Descender mainly because it all revolves around a descending bassline.  I submit my lyrics for your critique, but when critiquing please bear in mind that this tune is an instrumental.


Descender.
=======

Verse 1

Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh


Verse 2

Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh
Aaaahhhh


Thank you in advance.

Allan.

Title: Re: Descender
Post by: johnlondon on September 15, 2015, 01:04:23 AM

that's exactly the sound I make when I play bass

Title: Re: Descender
Post by: hardtwistmusic on September 16, 2015, 07:01:50 PM

Both restful AND concise.   Well done.   ;o)

Title: Re: Descender
Post by: Paulski on September 16, 2015, 07:45:29 PM

You really know how to get to the bottom of a good lyric.  ;D ;D
Maybe a chorus with Oooooh's - actually, no - that doesn't rhyme with Ahhhhh!

Title: Re: Descender
Post by: Neil C on September 17, 2015, 07:19:54 AM

Alan,
Great title.
It may be just an instrumental but I'm really not at all sure about a number of things:
Are you really explaining why the song is descending?
And indeed where does it go when it gets there?
The rhyming scheme really doesn't work for me, just too repetitive I'm afraid.
No chorus, and where's the variation and imagination?
Come on Allan you can do better than this ;D
N

 

Title: Re: Descender
Post by: seriousfun on September 17, 2015, 08:03:17 AM

@Neil, "where does it go when it gets there?"

Indeed, this song is like a summary of my life.... 4 tiny steps forward and then one huge leap backwards :(