The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: George Lowell on August 25, 2012, 08:27:06 PM
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I really like the basic tune here...but can't think what more to do with it. The intro is weird and could go somewhere else....the outro is a bit of fun which probably won't end up in a finished song. The acoustic guitar solo might work....no lyrics...not even sure it's a song or an instrumental. What do you think? Any ideas on how to develop it gratefully received!
http://soundcloud.com/twangothan/09-shes-gone-again
PS I'm new here...can't get the soundcloud widget to appear! If someone can tell me how I'l modify the post!
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The intro`s ok..sort of` Welcome to the pleasure dome`..]the babies crying is a bit irritating..i would play around with their sound .
But it was a nice listen..i don`t play electric guitar so can`t comment on your Technic//liked the ending!
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What a great track! We can probably do without the intro (keep that for your own experimental tracks) though. I'd call this a meeting of two greats: Gary Moore meets Enrique Iglesias! This is classic blues - great guitar playing, I found myself singing along creating lyrics along the way (wake up in the morning, hurting like never before, it was a long night, you spoke the truth alright.... etc). This song definitely needs lyrics and vocals. I"m not sure what timing your using (if any) - so maybe your next version can have a more defined 4/4 or something. The outro is pure Enrique / Ricky Martin - probably not suitable for this track as you could turn the outro into a pop song.
I look forward to hearing more of your talent!
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Really nice work , crying out for some vocals , when the bit starts up at 4:20 i thought the next song had started up , crikey that was good , as jmacdon said you could make that in to a song in its own right , also loved the acoustic lead guitar .
all in all , loving your work . ;D
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excellent guitar chops. reminds me a lot of Gilmour on Floyd's 'Animals' esp the double harmony parts.
the intro and outro are quite interesting; but i'm wondering if they could belong to songs unto themselves?
overall extremely impressive tune. any plans for vocals? as i see a lot of places where lyrical content could be developed; but it also stands on its own just fine as solo/instrumental opus. very well done; great listening to this. :)
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Yeah definite floyd - I nearly called my dealer listening to it :o
This is pretty good my friend - I love the mood - the guitars speak - you know what I mean?
And the flamenco style guitar comes in - ahhhhhhhh nice
Needs a lush vocal and lamenting lyric ;)
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intriguing intro kind of scary atmosphere
the main theme mix is colder , sounds dry as opposed to the warmth of the intro and would be nice if you could match them as they meet but thats mix..
very nice playing, beautiful track.
a decent vocal could be the icing on the cake..
parisean walkways comes to mind..
thought the surprise ending was fun but unnecessary..
very very nice george and welcome to the forum
(i had a double take on your name reading it as george orwell !)
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The intro has little relation to the main song and as such feels more like a musical prelude than an intro. The baby samples are very eerie. Crying babies are hard wired into the human psyche to make us feel uncomfortable. An instinctual response. As such, I have no idea why you have chosen to use them here... Did you want to freak us out ? It put me in completely the wrong mood for the music that came after
The track itself is very nice, and plenty open to play. Vocals will fit no issue, and a great song come come from here
The outro IS linked musically and works, although, once the song is in, be careful to find the right way to join the parts
Good artistry here that will likely end up as a great song :)
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I also found the baby crys a little creepy and didn't get the relevance
The guitar melodies are nice - the electric lines were standard fayre - I think the addition of the acoustic guitar in the middle was a nice touch and definitely lifted the track for me and gave it a bit more "gravitas"
I am not sure why nobody has mentioned early Santana?
I must be honest and say I am not a huge fan of that particular guitar sound and style where the guitar lines "replace" a vocal (and this is coming from a guitarist through and through!)
I think if you had a vocal melody in the track you would be able to inter-twine the vocal and guitar melodies beautifully - much more like Santana's more "recent" stuff - e.g. the Supaernatural album
I liked the harmony lines - you need to be ultra careful with tuning when doing harmony lines - especially high up where intonation issues can show up - if I listened very closely there were a few notes very slightly off but nothing that really noticed so I wouldn't worry about re-recording
I did like the change of gear for the last section
Since you asked - here are some initial (personal IMHO) ideas on how to develop the track:
1 - lose the baby cry intro
2 - write some lyrics with a melody to inter-twine with your guitar parts
3 - find a way to add some interest to the drums - they sound a little "flat" and draggy - either an interesting hat pattern or some percussion could help
4 - keep the acoustic guitar section as the "solo" of the song - and to break the main song from the outro...
5 - ...keep the outro - it is great! It may be worth adding a touch of reverb or delay to soften the guitar tone slightly as it is a little "shrill" - although this is definitely in-keeping with the vibe of the track it could be a little much for "normal people" (i.e. non guitarists ;))
Overall this is the bones of a great track - and if you are finding it difficult coming up with lyrics or a melody (ie from being so close to the track) I am sure you could find someone on here to collaborate with, which is another great way to learn and improve your skillz
Welcome aboard!
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Thanks for the constructive comments all, much appreciated. I think the intro has to go! I might use it for something sometime but you've confirmed my view that it is grafted on and doesnt fit. I can write some lyrics and see how it goes. I feel like it needs to change pace somewhere as its so slow. Anyway, very useful, thanks. If I finish writing and rerecord it I'll repost.
Cheers
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Lovely Santana style playing on a last 1/3 - very nicely played indeed. I find it hard to judge the song without a vocal but the way the guitar is played, I reckon it can virtually sit in the background where needed and singing grafted on top.
Once that's all done, the thing that will probably pull it together is interest from other instruments and as mentioned above - some action on the drums is probably the way. (Although my trips into trying to do 'Proper' midi drumming have been far too time consuming but I am sure others can rattle it off much more quickly)
Even Santana would struggle to keep going for 5mins solo without an army of bongo players and percussion to add layers and interest.
Really nice to hear something really quite different!
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I apologise that I haven't read all of the previous reviews but I think that can be a good thing .... direct opinion. Your playing is nice - you have phrasing, tone (which anyone with a brain knows comes from your fingers, not your gear) and accuracy. The baby crying doesn't work because there's no context for it, and it's not like it's a left-field piece.
The guitar doesn't 'sit' in the mix: too loud - too dry. The tempo change is good, but too sudden - like two tracks spliced together - needs a bongo flurry or something to bring the new tempo in ...
Anyhow you said it was a demo/idea so you quite possibly know all this but it always helps to be affirmed eh? lol
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I enjoyed the listen a lot - and you are a great player. I think perhaps more Michael Schenker influenced than Gilmor perhaps - in fact the main melody hook reminded me of a section from 'lights out' I think. But really nice - what's you plan for it?? Oh and the intro - didn't work for me - but I think you already have plans to use that elsewhere perhaps?
Good listen - love to hear guitars so more please. BTB
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i think what youve done here is think its an instrumental people might find it boring so i ll add some extra bits on to make it more interesting so you put the intro & outro on when in fact they just make it longer & dont realy fit & just confuse people a bit
i thought the main part was great & realy liked it the playing was very good but i think the guiatr would have sounded better with reverb or delay to make it stand out & give it a mood :)
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i think what youve done here is think its an instrumental people might find it boring so i ll add some extra bits on to make it more interesting so you put the intro & outro on when in fact they just make it longer & dont realy fit & just confuse people a bit
i thought the main part was great & realy liked it the playing was very good but i think the guiatr would have sounded better with reverb or delay to make it stand out & give it a mood :)
Yes I think you've summarised where in got to very well. I have never really known how to develop the basic idea. I think I will lose the intro and outro and write some words, though I still think I need a change of feel somewhere as it is sooooo sloooow. Trouble is I've tried it faster and it didn't work. Mmm. Thanks for the feedback.
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Yeah definite floyd - I nearly called my dealer listening to it :o
LMAO!!!! ;p
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that guitar theme is great
mike oldfield comes to mind, and pink Floyd
really good
i agree with others about the intro, it doesn't really make a click with the rest yet (but i only listened once...now)
and, i use a lot of samples myself (too much people keep saying to me), but crying babies.. are a no go area, it is disturbing...whereas the main slow guitar theme is very relaxing, i personally don't need to hear crying babies going there...
well, i don't need to hear crying babies in a general sense
but the main theme is lovely, it is perfect, the double time part, i am not sure about the rythm pattern, could be double time but more connected to the relaxing main guitar part???
oh well just, my thoughts when listening