The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: PaulAds on August 09, 2017, 11:49:15 AM
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Howdy
I wrote this during FAWM...it's done and finished but I don't want to bore everyone with too many songs I wrote a little while back, so I thought I'd share it in my beloved "lyrics" section instead
Requiem For The Suicided
If you shine a light in places
where the shadows hide the faces
Of the puppet-masters pulling all the strings
With distortions and omissions
reinforcing your suspicions
You're engaging in some very foolish things
This is a Requiem for the suicided
uninvited "Shouldn't write it" journalistic types
They can feed you some exclusive
But you must be less intrusive
Like the other Tippex-wielding Gutter Snipes
You must know you cannot fight it
It's expertly expedited
But you want to see the face behind the mask
And you're always taking chances
when you're looking for the answers
To questions that you're not supposed to ask
This is a requiem...
Someone Suicided them...
If you iron out the creases
and you find too many pieces
Of a puzzle you're not meant to figure out
It all gets pretty sloppy
Before you've even posted copy
Suicide. Without a shadow of a doubt
Link to the finished song is here...but not in "finished songs"
https://soundcloud.com/thefuneralcrasher/requiem-for-the-suicided
For Danny, Gary, Michael and - I suspect - many more...
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Hi Paul,
I haven't listened to the song as it may have influenced my comments on the lyrics.
I think the verses are great, very impressive.
The problem I have is with the chorus, I just can't relate to it. It seems far too complicated and the meaning isn't clear. I suspect its me and my age. I think the verses need something more straightforward and hard hitting.
I'll listen to the song tomorrow. The chorus may work once I hear the music.
If free to ignore me if you disagree,
Keith
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Hi Paul,
listened to the song and your words work. One of the beauties of music over reading poems (or lyrics).
Keith
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Hi Paul
Sure doesn't look like a fast FAWM write to me!
Well thought-out and engaging - a great tribute to those who have fallen to this cruel fate.
I love the verses' format and that chances/answers rhyme is inspired ;D
Haven't listened yet - will do so anon.
Paul
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After the news I received today,this has a special poignancy. :(
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Very intriguing write, the form...
Lol. I do get distracted by the sentiment. It makes a very relevant point. Celebrities are people and suicides leave a terrible mess for those left behind.
People often publish their opinions in a disrespectful manner.
It's good to notice this but it'll never change.
I hope hear the audio version.
All The Best, rightly.
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Great track Paul, well played and well sung, the lyrics work really well, I thought more backing vocals would help in a few places, but thats just a minor thing.
Mikey
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Thanks for the comments, fellas...much appreciated.
There's a great series of podcasts from "the Corbett report" which details some of the stories the song is about...well worth a listen, if youre into that sort of thing...or, even better, if you aren't ;)
Thanks again!
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Hey!
Always look forward to your posts, always thought provoking, always born on quality street. What's it like man, to be ten floors above me in the tower of song.
Lift aint working
Vintage54
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Glad I dropped in to read your lyrics - got the bonus of hearing the track! Great track mate and excellent lyrics. Superb rhythm to them. Very well sung and played. I enjoy listening to your music pal - so the more the merrier :P
Thanks
Darren
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How did I miss this one on the forum Paul ? The lyrics as usual are outstanding and just fit in so well with the tense nervous edgy feel to the music. Outstanding man
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Great track PaulAds.
As usual you give us plenty to think about while we're tapping our feet.
I think I understand the lyrics, they are a bit cryptic but I like that angle to them - they make you pause to think, a bit like looking for clues in a puzzle... I enjoy that a lot in your work (as I did with "Busmans Holiday" and "Stand Down" too). My only suggestion would be to lose the reference to Tippex since it dates it a bit (not sure if you can even still buy that stuff in the digital age?)
Musically it works well too - especially the nice momentum you get going with the guitars in the chorus.
Big thumbs up - I'll have to check out the Corbett Report now.