The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: CaliaMoko on August 22, 2016, 07:48:25 PM
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I posted this song in WIP in January. I've finally gotten back to it to try polishing off (sort of) a finished product. Since I'm not ready to try playing all the instruments myself, I've relied on Songsmith to provide the accompaniment for this. Not ideal, I know, but better than nothing. :D
So, for feedback, how bad is this as a finished piece? Meaning, is there anything I can do to improve the production, considering my limitations? Would a different style accompaniment be better? Songsmith has several options; I picked a jazzy one. I don't think any of them were described as "folky".
Also, is it okay as a solo or should it have some harmonies? I noticed it would be really easy to add harmony to the verses, but more difficult for the chorus (for me, anyway). So I didn't add any, since it seemed like a weird idea to have harmony on verses and not choruses. Right??
Anyway, here's the link: Keep the Fire Burning (https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/keep-the-fire-burning)
and here's the lyric:
VERSE 1
My heart was cold, my world was dark, My life was empty, then came a spark
A spark of love, a spark of love
My heart grew warm; I saw the dawn; Within my soul, the spark grew on
The spark of love, the spark of love
CHORUS
A flame has been kindled in my soul. I was broken all in pieces, but now I'm whole
The fire burns and warms my heart. I face the world; a brand new start
Oh woh, KEEP THE FIRE BURNING
VERSE 2
I fanned the flame with deeds of gold; Don't want it to die and grow cold
Keep the fire, the fire bright
Share the flame and spread the love; We can never have enough
So keep the fire, the fire bright
CHORUS
Woh-oh, keep the fire burning, burning.
VERSE 3
My heart is warm, my world is bright; My life is full of giving light
The fire burns, the fire burns
Happiness swells and fills my soul, Then spills from me, an outward flow
The fire burns, the fire burns
CHORUS
Woh-oh, keep the fire burning
Woh-oh, keep the fire burning, burning, burning.
Copyright © 2015 Vicki Morrison
BTW, for anyone wishing to compare the WIP with this, can find the original post and link here (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=10565.0).
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I cant help you with production i know nothing about that but you got a lovely song here and lovely vocals, the only thing i was thinking was maybe in the second line in all the verses "A spark of love, keeps the fire burning" although i dont know how that would come across if recorded maybe you tries that already, its just that your song sounds like it would make a great singalong song and an audience would pick up on it very easily, harmonies i think would work on the second part of the second line of each verse.
Lovely song Vicki really enjoy listening.
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Hi CaliaMoko.....I think the lyrics really stand out, here. Very simple, and comprehensive.
The melody is a bit generic, yet cradles the lyrics well.
I can't help with the production........my psychiatrist :o doesn't allow it ;)
Nice song!
-T
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This song has a lovely melody. It's a very sing along sort of song. Your voice is sounding great as usual Vicki. It's got a very late sixties feel to it I think. You're coming out with some good stuff !
John
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Hi Vicki,
I can totally relate to what you say about accompaniment...I am fairly limited in what I can produce myself, so rely on apps and programs to bulk out my songs a little!!!
This is a lovely songs with simple but relatable lyrics...some of the best songs are written in this way!
Really enjoyed the listen...thanks for sharing,
Paul :)
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Hi Vicki
This is a lovely singalong type of piece and I love your vocal melody. You said you picked a jazz accompaniment but it also sounds like there is slight country/gospel influence in there...not sure.
I think the backing is ok, but doesn't do justice to the song. You could pad it out with more acoustic instruments to layer each verse i.e. introducing something different each time, and also some add some gospel style backing on the verses, with harmonies on the chorus. Does that sound doable? I think the song itself is great and you have a real sense of melody here, but the backing could be beefed up to basically give it a bit more oomph. Very nice work though.
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you write some lovely melodies vicki & this is another one
its like a gospel song..the real thing...not bucs atheistic gospel that gets all
the non believers dancing & waving their arms in the air to the god of atheists
i listened to both versions & at first i preferred you & the guitar...that style probably suits the song better...but this one altho its got the artificial backing it just sounds so easy on the ear i think its my fave
yes harmonies would be good or extra instruments as it is a teeny bit long to stay the same all the way thru
i dont know why you cant add other instruments from your keyboard? hasnt it got violins & trumpets & things on it?
i dont know audacity but cant you open other tracks & record on them.
i mean i havent got a clue about arranging songs i just play whatever sounds nice when adding extra instruments
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Yo Vicki.
I'd echo some of Martyn's comments about the musical accompaniment. It does the job to get the song across,but since you asked how the song stood as a finished piece,I have to say the music sounds like a backing track,slick,but mechanical and lifeless. It does let the song down.
I'd like the vocals more integrated with the music too,they seem too prominent,quite dry and out of balance.
Sorry if all that seems negative,it's only my opinion and what I want to hear! I really liked the song,but for me it's a work in progress purely on the mix/production front.
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I cant help you with production i know nothing about that but you got a lovely song here and lovely vocals, the only thing i was thinking was maybe in the second line in all the verses "A spark of love, keeps the fire burning" although i dont know how that would come across if recorded maybe you tries that already, its just that your song sounds like it would make a great singalong song and an audience would pick up on it very easily, harmonies i think would work on the second part of the second line of each verse.
Lovely song Vicki really enjoy listening.
Thanks OBY for the compliments. An interesting idea to make it more sing-along-able. That's something I could try when I take this out in public. :)
Hi CaliaMoko.....I think the lyrics really stand out, here. Very simple, and comprehensive.
The melody is a bit generic, yet cradles the lyrics well.
I can't help with the production........my psychiatrist :o doesn't allow it ;)
Nice song! -T
Thanks for the compliments, Tom. Nice excuse! I'll have to try that one sometime. ;D
This song has a lovely melody. It's a very sing along sort of song. Your voice is sounding great as usual Vicki. It's got a very late sixties feel to it I think. You're coming out with some good stuff !
John
Thanks, John. I'm a sixties kid! :D I have a hard time getting myself into any other era. While the sixties style is awesome (in my opinion), I'd like to be able to branch out a little, too. Maybe next time. Meanwhile, a sing along sort of song is good. :)
Hi Vicki
This is a lovely singalong type of piece and I love your vocal melody. You said you picked a jazz accompaniment but it also sounds like there is slight country/gospel influence in there...not sure.
I think the backing is ok, but doesn't do justice to the song. You could pad it out with more acoustic instruments to layer each verse i.e. introducing something different each time, and also some add some gospel style backing on the verses, with harmonies on the chorus. Does that sound doable? I think the song itself is great and you have a real sense of melody here, but the backing could be beefed up to basically give it a bit more oomph. Very nice work though.
Doable? Not sure. What I probably need to do is just grit my teeth and try it. My keyboard has many voices, so I could try stuff. Thank you for the complimentary words.
you write some lovely melodies vicki & this is another one
its like a gospel song..the real thing...not bucs atheistic gospel that gets all
the non believers dancing & waving their arms in the air to the god of atheists
i listened to both versions & at first i preferred you & the guitar...that style probably suits the song better...but this one altho its got the artificial backing it just sounds so easy on the ear i think its my fave
yes harmonies would be good or extra instruments as it is a teeny bit long to stay the same all the way thru
i dont know why you cant add other instruments from your keyboard? hasnt it got violins & trumpets & things on it?
i dont know audacity but cant you open other tracks & record on them.
i mean i havent got a clue about arranging songs i just play whatever sounds nice when adding extra instruments
Thank you, Tina. I hadn't thought of it as a gospel song, but I can see where the spiritual side of my nature is peeking through. I'll have to put some more time into working on harmonies, and I totally agree the song needs to build somehow. My keyboard does have a variety of instruments and, yes, Audacity can handle multiple tracks, all at once or one at a time. Unfortunately, the voices on the keyboard are not sampled, so they sound less than awesome in many cases (although the pan pipe is wonderful). I just need to stop being so cautious and start experimenting.
Yo Vicki.
I'd echo some of Martyn's comments about the musical accompaniment. It does the job to get the song across,but since you asked how the song stood as a finished piece,I have to say the music sounds like a backing track,slick,but mechanical and lifeless. It does let the song down.
I'd like the vocals more integrated with the music too,they seem too prominent,quite dry and out of balance.
Sorry if all that seems negative,it's only my opinion and what I want to hear! I really liked the song,but for me it's a work in progress purely on the mix/production front.
Hey Skub, I don't see these kinds of remarks as being negative at all. I understand you're providing some negative feedback, but it's constructive guidance, which I like a lot.
I listened to the song with headphones and the mix sounded pretty balanced to me, but then I listened on my laptop speakers, and the voice just boomed out while the accompaniment was almost inaudible. I need to start listening to my songs using more than one method.
You also mentioned the vocals being quite dry. Does that mean not enough reverb? I know what reverb is in a general sense, but I'm mystified as to how to adjust it. What I mean is, I can open the reverb plugin and study all the sliders, but I don't know what I should do with them. Some (probably LOTS) of experimenting is, no doubt, in order.
Thanks for all the feedback so far. I appreciate it a lot! :D
Vicki
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Vicki,
Can't help on the production.....but all sound good to me.
What I can say is that I like this a lot.
Great lyrics, as per usual you have that great 60s feel in your songs.
Could imagine myself walking with a spring in my step.
Sandeep
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Nice bouncy tune! You have a fine, smooth voice but to my ear it's a bit short on dynamics, kind of vanilla in flavor and even keeled across the board......which is not necessarily a bad thing, it just doesn't do it for my ear. Good lyrically. As McCartney said, another silly love song......but a good one!
....like a gospel song..the real thing...not bucs atheistic gospel that gets all
the non believers dancing & waving their arms in the air to the god of atheists
Ha! There's nothing atheistic about that tune at all! If I hadn't told you, you'd have never guessed.
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buc all i meant was that you said you were a atheist & i know vicki is a believer .... so that makes her song real gospel & yours not ... bcos she believes & you dont.... i wasnt talking about the music :)
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Hi Vicki
What a lovely song - lovely melody and words. Great vocals, too. You're coming up with some terrific songs at the moment.
As you know, I'm no good at the production side of things either. But I hear this as a wonderful country gospel song (the verse could go in a jazzy direction, but the chorus is pure country so that's how I hear the whole song). How you get to that is tough - there are folks here who could help, I'm sure. But the backing (not the singing) as is just feels like a club performer with a keyboard that has generated some sixties middle of the road preset. The song is fifty times better than that. My second preference would be to strip it right down rather than have the current backing, but even that would be dependant on your guitar / piano skills.
The way I hear it my imagination would be something like Eva Cassidy's "Penny to my Name". Eva straddles that jazz country gospel folk bridge better than anyone. Have a listen to the clip on Amazon if you don't know the song. A light breezy backing with that feel would be wonderful. Like I say, how you get there is another thing altogether. Maybe just sell the song to someone in Nashville :-)
Great work!
Derek
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Hi Vicki
Love the woah woahs in this :)
As far as production goes, I can't believe I'm saying this but I would dump the piano and use guitars in this. I think it would flow so much better - piano is such a percussive instrument at this tempo - I think you need the sustain of guitars :) It's lyrically solid too. For me I thought the hook could be "The Spark of Love" b'cause Keep the Fire Burning seems rushed when you sing it but what do I know? anyway?
Well written song and did I mention I liked the woah's?
Paul
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Hi Vicki,
I'm with delboy and Paulski on this. The background music is pretty hideous if you don't mind me saying and does the song no justice. The fact that I still like it is testament to how good the song is. It sounds like what it is - you singing over a distinct pre-recorded backing track. it doesn't sound as if you're in the same room as the other instruments. If this were my song I would slow it down and replace the backing tracking with a fingerpicked acoustic guitar and bass. That's all it needs and i think you could drive the song along with your singing rather than the backing pushing your vocals (which are lovely, BTW).
M
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@Movin Flavour: Thanks! I'm just a sixties kid. I don't even know I'm doing it. I would like to try to grow into a newer decade one of these days, though.
@Buc McMaster: Yes, I have a tendency to forget totally about dynamics. Something I need to work on. It would be cool to have my own personal vocal coach. I should have taken advantage of the opportunity in college!
@delb0y: I'm familiar with Eva C's "Over the Rainbow" but not "Penny to My Name", so I'll have to take a listen to that. I'm going to town tomorrow, so I can maybe get it downloaded then. I'm considering redoing this all stripped down but it may be challenging....
@Paulski: Yeah, I like the woahs, too. I didn't write them in at first, but when I started singing it, I realized I needed to add them. I agree about just using guitar. I guess I need to get drilling on my guitar skills. Like, seriously.
@montydog: I don't mind at all. I really like constructive feedback. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It doesn't hurt my feelings at all. It's actually kind of exciting to get hints for ways to improve. Also, I am the least objective person in the world when listening to my own stuff. I have a tendency to think everything sounds bad, although I'm getting over that, but I need objective feedback a lot! Which is why I love these forums.
@everybody: Thanks for all the complimentary remarks regarding my songwriting and my singing. They motivate me to do more and try harder.
:)
Vicki