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comedown. work in progress

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darreldo:
This is a song i recorded in 1 take.

Please can i ask for songwriting reviews and ideas please as its just a quick recorded demo, the recording isnt an issue for me at this stage. (sorry to sound demanding lol!!)

I realise that its should maybe be shorter and have a real 3rd verse instead of just repeating the 1st verse.

Im not the greatest singer but its all about having a go and putting our point across.

look forward to your reviews, critique and hope you enjoy
 
thanks, darrel.
 
https://soundcloud.com/darrel-mcgibbon/comedown

darreldo:
i forgot the lyrics.

v1 Theres things they like to say to you,
    you do things you like to do.

ch. you know your only stalling,
     on your one and only calling.
     dont go and throw it all away.

v2 too far, too blind to even see,
    you live your life so pleasantly

ch  (as above)

middle

v3 (as above)

solo and outro.

man of simple pleasures:
some nice guitar solo work in there, best bit for me the guitars i suppose give your vocals a bit more oomph when you sing it i suppose! bit shorter would be better i would say and i duno doesnt really seem theres a chorus just seems verses maybe do something with the chorus as it doesnt really standout for me!

monkfish79:
Nice. Some good guitar work in there.

On the first listen, it feels like the chorus should be more of a pre-chorus leading into something else.

Also, there's never a reason for somebody to apologise for their own voice! There are all sorts of singers making a fortune from recording regardless of technique and training. It's your own song and the hard and fast rule is that if you like it, there'll be more than a few folks around who feel the same, so when it comes to laying the final tracks, be really brutal with yourself - it'll pay off in the long run.

With a little confidence and practice you could get a really nice vocal for this. Saeed made a comment on the soundcloud page about sounding a little timid and I think he's spot on.

habiTat:
Hey Darrel,

I like this, it has a Blur feel I think, I reckon you could belt it out on the 'don't go and throw it all AWAYYY' parts, that would be really cool. Like you say, maybe write another verse if you can, maybe tie up the loose ends, tells us more about why they are stalling, or what the calling is..

It's got a nice feel to it though, worth pursuing methinks :)

hab..

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