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New song, needs a lot of help?

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Missseventeen:
Hey so this is a song I was working on at like 4 in the morning a few nights ago and I just never had the chance to finish it, and I can't really remember where I was going with it I mean I still feel the emotion but I'm abit stuck with the last few verses, so if anyone has any help that would be so appreciated I would be really grateful, so yeah any feedback and help would be fab thankyou!!


V1
I need an escape
A new story a new fate
Why won't these thoughts leave my mind
I'm tired feeling this pain inside

V2
I'm done reasoning
Begging myself not to cry
No one else is to blame this time
I'm bleeding myself dry

Pre chorus
Can't see a tomorrow
Can't see a next week
Don't want to cry
Don't want to be so weak
 
Chorus?
I wanna wake up and feel okay
I want to remember how to smile
But not every story has a happy ending
I've known this for a long while

Bridge
I guess I always knew deep down inside
This is my life, I guess I'm too tired
The fight in me has subsided
Who though I would ever be so quiet

darreldo:
I like song structures like this, end on the chorus i would say.
I don't believe in a set pattern to songs, just go with the flow.
The lyrics seem as though they are going to be some kind of ballad?
Its a good song, would be interested what chords you had in mind

fleabass:

--- Quote from: Missseventeen on April 12, 2013, 03:17:24 AM ---Hey so this is a song I was working on at like 4 in the morning a few nights ago and I just never had the chance to finish it, and I can't really remember where I was going with it I mean I still feel the emotion but I'm abit stuck with the last few verses, so if anyone has any help that would be so appreciated I would be really grateful, so yeah any feedback and help would be fab thankyou!!


V1
I need an escape
A new story a new fate
Why won't these thoughts leave my mind
I'm tired feeling this pain inside

V2
I'm done reasoning
Begging myself not to cry
No one else is to blame this time
I'm bleeding myself dry

Pre chorus
Can't see a tomorrow
Can't see a next week
Don't want to cry
Don't want to be so weak
 
Chorus?
I wanna wake up and feel okay
I want to remember how to smile
But not every story has a happy ending
I've known this for a long while

Bridge
I guess I always knew deep down inside
This is my life, I guess I'm too tired
The fight in me has subsided
Who though I would ever be so quiet




--- End quote ---

wake up and feel ok is a line you could change a bit to show why
you feel like this and add charachter to the song .
Wanna wake up and feel loved , or feel warm or feel nicole sherzinger haha. Do you get my drift .

man of simple pleasures:
hello miss seventeen do you have a link for the song? theres doesnt seem to be one?

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