Thanks Neil, here goes. I think my comments are best served here as the words and the music go together.
These are my thoughts, so you can ignore them if you don't like them. I like most of the song, but feel it is a little too long and could be a little more interesting than a dude seeking out his former lover after she's become famous.
To begin, country songs are usually about the story, the clearer the better. So, I'm confused by the use of the first person. Who is drinking the whisky, the singer or the dude? I suspect its the dude, but "a whisky for me" doesn't make it clear.
Second, if Lucy is famous why hasn't the bartender heard of her? Especially if the bar is in Nashville. More interesting for me would be if Lucy wasn't famous. That opens up a whole different world. So, for example, in the first verse, the last line could be changed to "sits in my chair". Its the singer's favourite bar, so its likely he'd have a favourite seat. One change introduces a slightly different slant.
The first line of the second verse could be "A whisky for him he made it a double". The focus remains on the singer and how he sees the dude.
I like the first four lines of the chorus but feel the last two lines don't work musically. I'd take them out altogether. I change all the "I"s etc. to He's, etc with the exception of "the girl that I love". The song takes on a different texture and introduces a further tension between the singer and the dude. To me this is more interesting than Lucy leaving a band, her guitar, her lover and becoming famous. It fits in with the bartenders comments that somebody here may know who she is.
I'd keep the third and fourth verses and end by singing the chorus twice. If you wanted to introduce a twist you could sing ("the girl that he loves" in the first chorus and "the girl that I love" in the last two choruses).
I don't think the bridge works musically. Most country music I recall seems to be just verse chorus, but I may be wrong.
If you wanted to develop the singer's relationship with Lucy you could do, but I'd leave it open for the listener to develop the punch line in their own mind.
Sorry if I come across as negative, but I think its a good song, with a good melody and chorus. To me it needs to have a little less going on musically and something a little different lyrically.
diadem