[Demonslayer4]

Ok, this is the first song i have ever written and am looking to get some opinions and adivce on the lyrics i have.

Back Story- I have been suffering with mental health issues for over 3 years now. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Paranoid Schizophrenia. Self-harm and suicide attempts have been a big part of this. This song is about the fight against those urges and the desire to be free from them.

Just to give people an idea of how it will sound, i wrote this with the intention of being a metal song though i don't really have anything else to offer except the lyrics.


Verse 1
A fight that i keep hidden,
I battle all alone, no sign of hope.
Wounds that mean nothing to anyone,
Scars i'm ashamed to show

Pre-Chorus 1
People think I'm stuck in a hole,
But I'm just trapped within myself.
Can I be rescued from this internal cell?

Chorus
I beg the voice of reason,
Save me from my mental treason,
Help me fight this demon
And earn my inner freedom
Help me fight!

Verse 2
My thoughts are never clear
They turn drak with ease, painful mind, it hurts.
I cut my skin, watch myself bleed,
It's my solace, the only way i turn

Pre-Chorus 2
An overdose to numb the grief
But I'm still trapped within myself
Is there an escape from this internal cell?

Chorus
I beg the voice of reason,
Save me from my mental treason
Help me fight this demon,
And earn my inner freedom
Help me fight!

Middle 8
And when it becomes to much,
When I'm fragile to the touch,
Mental hell breaks loose and consumes me
I need to carry on in my fight to be free

Chorus
I beg the voice of reason,
Save me from my mental treason
Help me fight this demon
And earn my inner freedom
Help me fight!
Help me fight!
I won't die tonight!
Help me fight!


Thank you for reading 

[Bleedin Boy]

Nice rhymes in the chorus.  I enjoyed the "earn my inner freedom" lyric. It sounds like you've been through a lot and perhaps your struggle is a trial that you must (and hopefully will) overcome. I like the end of the song, it sounds like it would have a lot of impact if it were to be sung.

[benjo]

 HEY DEMONSLAYER,

                     HUGE WELCOME

 you really got to me with these words
 they are very powerful and i felt every single word
 i painted my own picture and it was bleak

 you sound like you've been through a lot in your life
 i don't know if this problem is from a bad past or just something inside you
 but you told your story very well and they say
 if you talk about your problems and share them it helps
 so putting down on paper your feelings is really brave but a great idea
 and you have the talent to do this
 i really hope it does help you and the feed back you get inspires you to focus
 on what you are so good at,  lose yourself in your talent
 and it will help you

    i wish you well and good luck this is what you are meant to do so go with it

           look forward to more from you


                     

                         

[Vintage54]

      Hey Demonslayer, hope you slay your demons. Can't even begin to know what its like, so i won't even try. All i can say, if its any use, is keep pouring it out on page. Sing the blues if it helps. If you ever get in a real dark place and you can't find a friend, i'll listen man, my e mail is right there. Nice write by the way, keep em coming.