[Oli Dickinson]

I want to write a song about my scars. Each one. And explain how I came to have them and why I enjoy looking at them and remembering the times in my life that will always be with me so physically.

(There's also an allegory towards emotional scars and how we carry those people with us through life. Despite hurting us, these people can end up meaning more than most because, more often than not, the aches we feel are growing pains).

So far I only have the first verse. It's my first scar.

I cried
The day my dog died
He pushed me through a plate glass door
I cut my wrist and it was sore
For days.
(Passed)
We kept finding glass
The door was changed and I survived
I healed so fast when I was five.

But I'm so glad you left a scar.
It means I'm never lonely.
And if someone asks me where I got it
I can tell your story.

'Cause if you push me through a door
And if it leaves a scar
I will love you so much more
And I'll always remember who you are.

[S.T.C]

Got potential...you just need to finish the story more.

[cena69]

i agree with the above,
and also if you allaberate more and make it longer it could have been excellent

[GTB]

I agree too, but doesn't need a lot more though 'cos the idea is well framed already. I hope you already have the other scars you need, we don't want you self harming ;-)
GTB

[cena69]

defenetly i've been there it is no good for you

[BooBoo]

So far seems good. Flows nicely and tells a story!

[Kevin j]

 its nice so far, i like how it tells a story,
it just needs a few more verses!

kevin

[Sing4me88]

A very good concept for a song with a great personal touch. Have something worth developing further here and I think the trick is to get something of a discernible chorus worked out and then develop what you have around it. Can't wait to read this when its 'done'.

[benjo]

hi oli,
 
for me nuff said it is finished
it's one of those things short and sweet
to the point bosh done i loved it
if you wanted to extend it you could repeat a few of those lines
over n over NICE well done...

[Oli Dickinson]

Thanks so much for the feedback, guys.

For me, the metaphor of being pushed through a door and getting a scar was so poignant that I had to at least explore the possibility of getting it into a song.

I'm having a bit of difficulty getting as much poignancy into my remaining scars.

Maybe I should just explore this one scar a bit further.

But thanks for all your comments.

Oli x

[Jess]

It's a great concept- writing about your scars (whether metaphorical or physical) this piece has a great opening and now to finish it...

[GTB]

Hi, why not just mention some other scars but don't say anything about them?  Leave the listener thinking how what you've already said could apply to his/her own various scars.  I do think this song is almost complete, like someone said above just round it up and maybe repeat some bits.  GTB