The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: IronKnee on August 17, 2016, 04:59:26 AM
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OK.....it's time to bandage my wounds and tend to the bruising I got in the last competitions. And while I'm away, I hope you like my little acoustic folk guitar lament.......
As always, all comments and first impressions are very welcome and appreciated ;D
Turn Off These Lights
By Tom Tognaci
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12366111
I’m sleeping with the lights on
I keep the radio on
‘Cause I can’t stand this empty room
You once wrote, (that) your leaving
And all the pain I’m grieving
Will be behind me, one day soon”
But, still I can’t forget you
No matter how I try
I wish I could forget you
And turn off these lights
Most nights, I’m up all hours
Wondering if she’s ours
Was that new baby in your plan?
Now, I know I’ve been drinking
But, how long were you thinking
I was more a tool, than your man?
And, still I can’t forget you
No matter how I try
I wish I could forget you
And turn off these lights
Thoughts bump in the night, they circle me like a starving shark
While memories, of her, bite at me from the dark…….
……and so,
I’m sleeping with the lights on
I keep the radio on
‘Cause I can’t stand this empty room
Your favorite song keeps playing
And, while it’s just me saying
I’d swear I’m smelling your perfume
‘Cause, still I can’t forget you
No matter how I try
I wish I could forget you
And turn off these lights
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Amen, brother.......well done. Sweeping melody, and the lyric paints a vivid picture of loss in real time. Nice guitar work as well - wish I had fingerpicking skills like this. Good job on this.
But let me pick your brain a bit, you being a guitar player/writer, as I strive to be...... With this particular piece did you wrestle out most of the instrumental before lyric one and fit a melody to it? Or did you have a piece of verse or chorus that you hammered out the guitar for and built from there? Or did it happen some other way entirely? The process interests me nearly as much as the product when it comes to writing.
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Amen, brother.......well done. Sweeping melody, and the lyric paints a vivid picture of loss in real time. Nice guitar work as well - wish I had fingerpicking skills like this. Good job on this.
But let me pick your brain a bit, you being a guitar player/writer, as I strive to be...... With this particular piece did you wrestle out most of the instrumental before lyric one and fit a melody to it? Or did you have a piece of verse or chorus that you hammered out the guitar for and built from there? Or did it happen some other way entirely? The process interests me nearly as much as the product when it comes to writing.
Hey there Buc....thanks for listening and asking.
This particular song was conceived while noodling around the guitar, playing and picking with rhythms. The bouncing rhythm came first.....then the melodic phrase.......while the first line of the song spilled out, writing the rest of itself, seemingly on its own. The melody happened only a footstep ahead of the lyric. The only part which needed a more conscious focus of attention was that break about the shark in the dark. This was one of those lovely songs that only took a couple of days for me to believed it to be finished.
I too, am a songwriter person. I love the process of actually creating and writing the guitar part, the melody and lyric.. My recordings, however, are proof that I'm not much into the recording end of the whole process :P. Don't get me wrong, I love the final finished results.....I just dread the recording process. I've got a dozen songs, 5 of which are potentially my best work, but I just don't have the time and energy to do what I need to do to motivate myself to the recorder.
In the end, it's questions and comments that keep me interested in music writing.....Thanks!
8)-Tom
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Very nice guitar playin. Nice refrain.
I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliche.
That's just my take on it though.
Very smooth.
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Very nice guitar playin. Nice refrain.
I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliche.
That's just my take on it though.
Very smooth.
Hi Rightly.......thanks for listening and commenting; however, "I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliché"........ :-\
Listening again, maybe the 200rdth time, I don't hear any breaths ??? And unless they sound forced and contrived, how could a breath sound cliché ?
I don't get it ???.......only that you found my song irritating :'(
Sorry, man....I hope you can define where the breaths are that irritate you :-[
8)-Tom
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Very nice guitar playin. Nice refrain.
I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliche.
That's just my take on it though.
Very smooth.
Hi Rightly.......thanks for listening and commenting; however, "I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliché"........ :-\
Listening again, maybe the 200rdth time, I don't hear any breaths ??? And unless they sound forced and contrived, how could a breath sound cliché ?
I don't get it ???.......only that you found my song irritating :'(
Sorry, man....I hope you can define where the breaths are that irritate you :-[
8)-Tom
I can distinctly hear breaths... I'll listen again.
Aye, nasal breaths at the beginning, then later too.
I didn't mean the breaths sound cliche, but the lyrics.
Like I said though, that's down to personal taste.
I certainly don't mean to offend.
Rightly.
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OK.....it's time to bandage my wounds and tend to the bruising I got in the last competitions. And while I'm away, I hope you like my little acoustic folk guitar lament.......
As always, all comments and first impressions are very welcome and appreciated ;D
I'm pleased you're recovering and have bounced back so quickly.
It's a great song.
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Don't know what your recovering from but this is one hell of a recovery.....hi standard mate..mucho respecto!!!
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Terrific stuff, Tom. There is some great music coming out of this place at the moment and much of it is from yourself!
I wouldn't worry about the competition results - this music lark is so subjective. For what it's worth, your entry was my number one choice!
Cheers
Derek
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Hi Tom,
Excellent work mate! This is my fave of yours when it comes down to the musicality.The guitar bounces around very nicely.The singings very nice to of course and the melodies very nice,especially when you drop to "turn down these lights".
Also kudos to you for pushing your voice in the bridge,well executed...haha & by that I mean you didn't murder it!! ;D ;D
My only nit is the breathing in the intro and the musical break before the second verse?? Sorry man,but it was distracting.You'll agree when you hear it.I don't mean the breath you take before you sing but this is heavy breathing while you are playing.Its really easy to edit out (unless of course you did it all live? Which of course I would tip my hat to you for! ;D )
Don't worry it's not a deal breaker or anything but I would get rid of them if You can.
Great work man
Leo ;D
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Superb from start to finish Tom, great song, great picking and fantastic performance. This is really hooky as well, it really has your soul plastered all over it. I can't remember hearing you sing so well before...your voice soars in places with real emotion. I have to say I am a big fan of your songs.
The breaths others are referring to are your normal breathing being picked up by the mic, but they do come through quite loud. Hazard of recording live I guess.
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Very nice guitar playin. Nice refrain.
I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliche.
That's just my take on it though.
Very smooth.
Hi Rightly.......thanks for listening and commenting; however, "I found the breaths a bit irritating though and it seemed cliché"........ :-\
Listening again, maybe the 200rdth time, I don't hear any breaths ??? And unless they sound forced and contrived, how could a breath sound cliché ?
I don't get it ???.......only that you found my song irritating :'(
Sorry, man....I hope you can define where the breaths are that irritate you :-[
8)-Tom
I can distinctly hear breaths... I'll listen again.
Aye, nasal breaths at the beginning, then later too.
I didn't mean the breaths sound cliche, but the lyrics.
Like I said though, that's down to personal taste.
I certainly don't mean to offend.
Rightly.
Well......the critisism is set against the recording, and it would be ridicules of me to overly defend my studio work. My wax filled ears aren't hearing it (could be the earphones I use)......anyways......thanks, again, for letting me know 8)
OK.....it's time to bandage my wounds and tend to the bruising I got in the last competitions. And while I'm away, I hope you like my little acoustic folk guitar lament.......
As always, all comments and first impressions are very welcome and appreciated ;D
I'm pleased you're recovering and have bounced back so quickly.
It's a great song.
Thanks, Paul!
Don't know what your recovering from but this is one hell of a recovery.....hi standard mate..mucho respecto!!!
I'm recovering from the realization that nobody really loves me :'(............I think I'll go eat some worms :P
Thanks Shadowfax!
Terrific stuff, Tom. There is some great music coming out of this place at the moment and much of it is from yourself!
I wouldn't worry about the competition results - this music lark is so subjective. For what it's worth, your entry was my number one choice!
Cheers
Derek
Have I told you that I think you are AWESOME, lately ;D Thanks for the most generous and kind words. Always a pleasure, Derek!
8)-Tom
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Great song Tom....as ever
How you stay at such a high standard demonstrates your class.
Guitars excellent as ever.
Don't get the picture!
Sandeep
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Hi Tom,
Excellent work mate! This is my fave of yours when it comes down to the musicality.The guitar bounces around very nicely.The singings very nice to of course and the melodies very nice,especially when you drop to "turn down these lights".
Also kudos to you for pushing your voice in the bridge,well executed...haha & by that I mean you didn't murder it!! ;D ;D
My only nit is the breathing in the intro and the musical break before the second verse?? Sorry man,but it was distracting.You'll agree when you hear it.I don't mean the breath you take before you sing but this is heavy breathing while you are playing.Its really easy to edit out (unless of course you did it all live? Which of course I would tip my hat to you for! ;D )
Don't worry it's not a deal breaker or anything but I would get rid of them if You can.
Great work man
Leo ;D
Thanks for stopping by Leo, I really appreciate it.....I've listened now, 15-20 times, for the breathing, and I still don't hear it.....I guess a fox doesn't smell it's own den, too, as the saying goes :P
Anyways, there's something there that everyone hears, for the love of Peat, I can't hear it ???
but, thanks for listening and commenting!
Superb from start to finish Tom, great song, great picking and fantastic performance. This is really hooky as well, it really has your soul plastered all over it. I can't remember hearing you sing so well before...your voice soars in places with real emotion. I have to say I am a big fan of your songs.
The breaths others are referring to are your normal breathing being picked up by the mic, but they do come through quite loud. Hazard of recording live I guess.
Thanks MnR..........I appreciate the kudos!!
Great song Tom....as ever
How you stay at such a high standard demonstrates your class.
Guitars excellent as ever.
Don't get the picture!
Sandeep
And thank you Sandeep...........I always try to do something different. I appreciate the ;glowing review ;D
And the pic is a shark metaphor representing fear: "Thoughts bump in the night, they circle me like a starving shark, while memories, of her, bite at me from the dark"…….hence, creating that fear of the dark, which can be so disturbing, compelling my subject to leave the radio and lights on during the night. ;D
Thanks for asking!
And thank you all for listening!
-Tom
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I always like your songs, and this one especially. Maybe all of them especially--I'd have to go back and listen again to be sure. This one because I'm listening right now! :)
I listened a couple times, trying to hear the breathing, but no luck. It must have something to do with the headphones/speakers a person is using. So not everyone can hear the breathing. I'm using headphones. I haven't tried speakers.
My only nit has to do with [no surprise] enunciation. Sometimes ends of words are missing, and saying things like "forgetchew" instead of "forget you" is one of my pet peeves. I know it's no big deal to a lot of people, so ignore that or not, as suits you.
Vicki
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I always like your songs, and this one especially. Maybe all of them especially--I'd have to go back and listen again to be sure. This one because I'm listening right now! :)
I listened a couple times, trying to hear the breathing, but no luck. It must have something to do with the headphones/speakers a person is using. So not everyone can hear the breathing. I'm using headphones. I haven't tried speakers.
My only nit has to do with [no surprise] enunciation. Sometimes ends of words are missing, and saying things like "forgetchew" instead of "forget you" is one of my pet peeves. I know it's no big deal to a lot of people, so ignore that or not, as suits you.
Vicki
Hi Vicki........I'm sure I'm singing "forget you" :-[ and I'm never in such a hurry to forget to chew :-\ On second thought, I was eating some peanut butter when I was recording :P
Anywhoooo, I'll try to be more conscious with my annunciation.
Thanks!!
-T
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A very catchy song,Tom. There wasn't anything that jarred with me at all. Well written,well played and well sung. :)
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Now that was one lovely song, you got great style Tom no doubt about that and i love that little guitar playing at the end, the way you sing your songs with that lovely acoustic playing, Man as i said, you got great style 8)
Lovely picture of you and your daughter as well.
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A very catchy song,Tom. There wasn't anything that jarred with me at all. Well written,well played and well sung. :)
Thanks for listening and commenting.......and for the kudos ;D I'm glad you liked it
Now that was one lovely song, you got great style Tom no doubt about that and i love that little guitar playing at the end, the way you sing your songs with that lovely acoustic playing, Man as i said, you got great style 8)
Lovely picture of you and your daughter as well.
And thank you, Oldbutyet..............very much appreciated. 8)
And thanks to all, for listening.....
-Tom
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Hi Tom
Great song from you again.
Lovely finger picking - reminded of Gord Lightfoot or Glen Campbell - had that energy and forward motion. Vocals are great - esp that high note in the bridge! I heard some breathing at the front end too or was it hiss - couldn't tell. But it didn't detract. At first I thought the lyrics were too sad for the upbeat tempo, but I got so much into the feel of the song it didn't matter :)
Stellar work!
Paul
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I love folk songs. I love finger pick guitar. I always love how your songs come together (at least the ones you post).
It was an absolute inevitability that I would like this a lot. My kind of music, my kind of guitar work, and my kind of songwriter.
Not much to say beyond that, but this was another in a long line of exceptional songs.
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Haha people are always telling me I am deaf which I find annoying but I also hear the breathy sounds as well quite easily at the beginning
I also have to agree with Vicki on the "forgetchew" singers do it a lot and if a certain word comes a lot it is quite irritating
But quite a catchy song to listen to :-)
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Wow Tom. Just catching up on some stuff on the ferry on a day trip to France. This is brilliant man. The number one thing that gets me about this song is the absolute passion that you put into everything. I got some sixties vibes big time. It's a great song and breathing, well we all have to do that don't we :) Respect bro :)
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Listened to it on the way back as well. Love it.
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Hi Tom
Great song from you again.
Lovely finger picking - reminded of Gord Lightfoot or Glen Campbell - had that energy and forward motion. Vocals are great - esp that high note in the bridge! I heard some breathing at the front end too or was it hiss - couldn't tell. But it didn't detract. At first I thought the lyrics were too sad for the upbeat tempo, but I got so much into the feel of the song it didn't matter :)
Stellar work!
Paul
Thanks Paul.....I've always been impressed with Glens guitar playing.....and have always loved Gordons music. Thanks for the kudos!
I love folk songs. I love finger pick guitar. I always love how your songs come together (at least the ones you post).
It was an absolute inevitability that I would like this a lot. My kind of music, my kind of guitar work, and my kind of songwriter.
Not much to say beyond that, but this was another in a long line of exceptional songs.
Although undeserved, I thank you very much for all the encouraging words. I really appreciate it! Thanks Hardtwist
Haha people are always telling me I am deaf which I find annoying but I also hear the breathy sounds as well quite easily at the beginning
I also have to agree with Vicki on the "forgetchew" singers do it a lot and if a certain word comes a lot it is quite irritating
But quite a catchy song to listen to :-)
Thanks lillypilly (that's some net-name ;D) Not convinced that it's breathing.......but it must be something. Whatever it is, I'm not hearing it on my headsets...... :'( Sorry! I don't dent it....just wish I could hear it :-\ Thank you sooooo much for listening and commenting...I appreciate it 8)
Wow Tom. Just catching up on some stuff on the ferry on a day trip to France. This is brilliant man. The number one thing that gets me about this song is the absolute passion that you put into everything. I got some sixties vibes big time. It's a great song and breathing, well we all have to do that don't we :) Respect bro :)
Listened to it on the way back as well. Love it.
Thanks Pompy.........I am tickled that you like my song enough to listen to it twice........very nice, and a wonderful compliment unto itself....thank you ;D
And than you to all who listened!!
8)-Tom
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Hi Tom,
Lovely song....with a full production this would be classic ;D
Really like the gtr playing, rolls along very nicely. Good, comfortable
feel, which backs up the vocals perfectly.....very hooky ;D Changes
are good, especially like the way you handled the break and the way
you bought it back.....nice chords ;D
Excellent songwriting ;D
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Hi Tom
This a very nice song I love the guitar playing (sounds very Donovan to me) I had one of my songs done in this style, I love the lyrics, and melody and the way you've performed them very good write.
Cheers
Royston
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Hi Tom,
Lovely song....with a full production this would be classic ;D
Really like the gtr playing, rolls along very nicely. Good, comfortable
feel, which backs up the vocals perfectly.....very hooky ;D Changes
are good, especially like the way you handled the break and the way
you bought it back.....nice chords ;D
Excellent songwriting ;D
Hey there Bin.............thanks for chiming in.....I appreciate the encouraging words ;D
Hi Tom
This a very nice song I love the guitar playing (sounds very Donovan to me) I had one of my songs done in this style, I love the lyrics, and melody and the way you've performed them very good write.
Cheers
Royston
Thanks Royston!
And thanks to all!
8)-Tom
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Hi Tom,
You're one of the people on here who should be famous - everything you do is quality and this is no exception. Lovely guitar work - tasteful and restrained. Lovely vocals with loads of lovely timbre and interesting overtones. It's one of the best vocal performances I've heard on here in a long time.
I absolutely love it.
M
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Hi Tom,
You're one of the people on here who should be famous - everything you do is quality and this is no exception. Lovely guitar work - tasteful and restrained. Lovely vocals with loads of lovely timbre and interesting overtones. It's one of the best vocal performances I've heard on here in a long time.
I absolutely love it.
M
Thanks for listening and the most generous comments. I really appreciate the encourgement... ;D
And thanks to all who listened
8)-Tom
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Hello Tom,
Really enjoyed that. I like the sound of your voice, it lends itself nicely to the mood of the song. I can hear this being played on the soundtrack of 'The 3:10 to Yuma' or 'High Noon'. Sounds very 'radio quality' if you get my gist. Nice one! Duncan.
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Hello Tom,
Really enjoyed that. I like the sound of your voice, it lends itself nicely to the mood of the song. I can hear this being played on the soundtrack of 'The 3:10 to Yuma' or 'High Noon'. Sounds very 'radio quality' if you get my gist. Nice one! Duncan.
Thanks for commenting, CANDEETA......I appreciate the compliment. I use a Boss Micro BR-4trk. It fits my needs very well. I'm not very wise with recording equipment.....I'm into writing and the process of writing and performing ;)
Thanks for stopping by! ;D
And thanks to all who has listened!
-Tom
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great song pro playing and pro singing
I can't offer any crits only praise so I apologize