The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Alan Starkie on January 17, 2013, 08:43:12 PM
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I wrote this song for a P!NK kinda artist.
http://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/stronger
Thanks for your opinions.
‘Stronger’
I need this like a hole in the head
And that ain’t too much baby
A dark time that I never saw
Happening to me
I can’t see any cracks in the floor
But they just keep on growing
A new start like a knock on the door
Tells me something’s out there
Creeping up for sure
You turn up with a sorry falling from your mouth
But I don’t hear you
No salt in the tears rolling down your face
But that don’t mean a thing ‘cos I’m…
Stronger, a fighter
Every day gets a little bit brighter
Keep your thoughts to yourself
‘Cos I’m on my way
You think that you’re here to appear
But you’re not running my show
Makeup with a face underneath
That’s hidden like the old snow
Underneath my feet, yeah
You turn up with a sorry falling from your mouth
But I don’t hear you
No salt in the tears rolling down your face
But that don’t mean a thing ‘cos I’m…
Stronger, a fighter
Every day gets a little bit brighter
Keep your thoughts to yourself
‘Cos I’m on my way
Oh I’m stronger, a fighter
Every day gets a little bit brighter
Keep your thoughts to yourself
‘Cos I’m on my way
CHORUS
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Good rocky tune...nice flow...i can see the Pink connection...showing another arrow in your quiver..hey. ;)
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I found this one much more listenable. Everything about it was more interesting and it
had that x in it that was missing for me in the other one. :)
The whole song was more interesting and I can definately see the p!nk connection too.
Very nice ;D
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Alan, I'm hearing Robbie Williams from the Guy Chambers era. Strong chorus, liked 'sorry falling from your face' Professional.
:)
Neil
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Hiya,
This is a really good track the chorus is particularly good but I think for a Pink track it needs more edge and grit I think I could hear her sing the chorus but not the verses!!!
Looking forward to hearing the next one, I really like your work - it's inspiring me!
F
x
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Hi,
Nice pop tune. I agree with both Flossie and Neil; more Robbie than Pink. Perhaps you could send it to him - cos he needs help - been years since he's put out anything half decent. That "Candy" sounded like the Haribo advert.
Cheers,
Digger
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Hi,
Nice pop tune. I agree with both Flossie and Neil; more Robbie than Pink. Perhaps you could send it to him - cos he needs help - been years since he's put out anything half decent. That "Candy" sounded like the Haribo advert.
Cheers,
Digger
Candy was an awful song..you can admire it for being the cheap hit it was....but he`s trading on the past.
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superb!!! yeah
but Pink, i don't know, it sounds even more like a great song for Robbie Williams
you have made a perfect song, with a great vocal!
so perhaps it is just a Perseverance hitsong
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Not getting a P!NK type vibe at all, much too "soft" - probably a little closer to McFly (which is a huge compliment by the way, I think McFly are awesome!)
This is a great song and the production is great (I think there is some slight clipping on the vocal at around 1.58 but it kinda suits the vibe of the track)
The bassline was particularly good and kept it motoring along nicely
Really excellent stuff - I think the only thing you are missing from your writing is a bit of "edge"
Everything else is there in spades and I am sure you will stumble on that magic formula that will get a song picked up
My recommendation would be to find someone "young and edgy" to collaborate with - you still write, produce, record etc. but use them to influence how and what you write
This could be the final piece of the jigsaw for you?
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Thanks for the comments everyone.
I initially wrote it when I kept seeing pitches for songs for 'sassy girl singers'.
The Robbie suggestion is interesting.
The clipping you hear is probably my voice as I track at 32bit and distortion's near impossible at that bitrate.
All comments are both welcome and useful.
Thanks again :-)
Alan.
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Right first up I need to say this - that little 'woop' you let out 3/4 the way through is so cheesy/80s - man I'm still cringing just now ;)
That aside I think you are going to be someone on here that I just enjoy listening to and admiring your craft
You really have everything - great playing , singing , recording , lyrics , melody , chords
It's all there and this song is first class - a HIT!!!!
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Haha! Fair enough. You don't like woops and that's ok by me :-)
They've been around since the dawn of popular music though. What can I say?... I like to enthuse lol.
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I love the electric guitar sound on this - it's perfect. Extremely polished, proficient and catchy piece of rock. I can't think of anything to say which would help you - it's a cracker. I the whoop is fine IMHO :)
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Very strong pop writing here, very enjoyable instant stuff
I am a huge P!nk fan (first album notwithstanding) and while I could hear her sing it it wouldn't be a perfect fit. The Robbie Willliams cheeky chap popster thing would be a much better fit. Perhaps if the "Britain's got X factor on Ice" brigade churn out a gruff voiced winner soon, they'd love a track like this. Big of chorus and heavy of hook.
But you have a good voice yourself? It's off you want to offload the song and aren't bigging it up as it as. Horses for courses hey!
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I don't perform any more James. Happy writing/teaching/sessioning now. When I stopped writing for live bands I got this huge sense of freedom with my songwriting that I was no longer constrained by band members and instruments. It works great for me.
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The clipping you hear is probably my voice as I track at 32bit and distortion's near impossible at that bitrate.
How do you find 32bit?
I am still tracking at 16 bit depth (not to be confused with bit rate) but plan on upping this to 24bit as the best compromise between headroom and filesize for future projects
It is still, however, possible to produce clipping at these bit depths - less likely at the recording stage but easily done when mixing - eg gain staging, compression, eq, etc. - so always worth taking care
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Ha! Right after accidentally locking the topic and having no idea what I'd done.... Boydie, I always use 32bit when tracking because I once read that CPUs handle 32 bit maths better than 24 bit maths. I'm also going to start tracking at 48khz after a studio colleague informed me that was now standard. I master at 24 bit though and then dither to 16 bit. No loss in 'bits'.