[LostBoy]

I have to agree with my friend @pompeyjazz and I mean no offence, but really Henry should be on here aswell ,simply because he’s the one who does the “music” right? He will learn a lot and also HELP OTHERS with their own projects.

Yes, u can learn about business on here & u already have some great feedback from folks (and the Internet is FULL of free info on all of that stuff) but for me, the MOST useful thing on here is the feedback that we all give and receive on each other’s songs. That’s what makes & will make us all better songwriters in the end.

There’s a really friendly & helpful bunch on here, but it only works when we help each other. So if I was his manager I’d tell him to get involved. 

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thank you very much!

I think this is really good - really flows for me - your voice is great -such a smooth flow - really good lyrics and story telling

Any faults not really I think it's me but I there are times when they music stops me from hearing all that I would like, with the lyrics (but then I'm a bit deaf anyway ) - it's just that it's a great song - and for me it's a 9 an a half out of ten it just needs that touch to make it a 10

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thank you so much!

Hi, an extremely polished production with some very assured musicians playing on it. The song had a nice relaxed feel with enough turns to keep it from being too similar. The lyric didn't really gel with me, just not my thing, and I found the chorus a bit too repetitive . Reminded me a bit of (I think 80's) Stephen Bishop/Dean Friedman type song/sound.
Could imagine hearing it on a US radio station cruising down a freeway!
Cheers
Jamie

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thank you very much, really nice from you!

I have to say. I think the lyrics are very simple but somehow effective for me. It's wonderfully unpretentious. Quite brave to write about New York following in the footsteps of legends.  Musically it's absolutely fine as easy listening goes. Like the sound effects too. Very Chris Rhea. Sadly it lacks a really strong hook so whilst pleasant to listen to is very easy to forget. Good job though

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thanx a lot!

Hi there,

This has a very accomplished production on it, with some fabulous playing & some lovely little chord changes in places that were a nice surprise. (I’ve heard that that’s one of the main things that publishers are looking for...the unexpected little touches, so kudos for that.)

For me though as good as the production is, I honestly felt a bit let down by the chorus. I’m sorry, I realise that’s not what you want to hear & might sting a little, but I say it with the utmost respect.
If I were you, that’s where I would focus my attention. You have all this fab music, but truthfully the MAIN thing that most of us want to hear is a catchy hook,chorus. You could even dress it up a bit more with harmonies? Just a suggestion. Does your fella listen to the podcast “Sodajerker on songwriting?” It’s a really amazing insight to the craft that I highly recommend.

As my friend @Skub said, I am also just a nobody on the internet, although I do have ONE song placed with a publisher...hahaha...20 years of songwriting for only ONE song, that has gone on to do diddly squat!

All you can do is keep writing.....keep writing...

I hope this is of some use to your man.
Cheers
Leo

[Mrs.Tobi]

Hi, Pompeyjazz
Thanx a lot. As i mentioned in a previous post, we would like to get him a deal with a music publisher, as you said everybody here in the Forum would like as well. Regarding your other message, Boydie invited me to post my husband’s songs here. Thank you for inviting my husband to join the Forum, so kind from you. Best regards

Hi Mr and Mrs Henry. Silky and smooth with some nice little touches with excellent playing and production. Reminded me of some 70s and 80s AOR which is what I guess you're aiming for. However it didn't really do it for me sorry. Just the opinion of yet another nobody in the ether. Will Henry be providing any more information as to his plans ? Anyway just one opinion and it's honest feedback.  Good luck 

[Mrs.Tobi]

Interesting point, thank you!

Definitely got an 80s pop sound going on here - the jazzy elements really sound great, and take it out of the ordinary, and some expert playing shines through.


Not particularly my style but I can what you are going for. From a writer’s point of view, it’s great to start with the hook - and repetition does no harm I think. Lyrically, I think this might stray a bit into tourist territory- Central Park, Empire State etc which maybe isn’t the NYC that the US market would relate to, could be a bit picture postcard and not real? Structurally, I personally wouldn’t go for a middle 8 AND a Pre chorus - I don’t think the m8 adds much story-wise, too many elements to remember and for me makes the song a little long.


Sounds very critical, sorry! Just that I think it could make the song stronger...

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thank you very much!

Very smooth and lovely jazzy feel, with some truly excellent playing and a first class production.

Would love to hear from backing vocals in the chorus : I think this would really lift it!

Love the bridge and the key change  ..... first class stuff, well done

Kevin

[Mrs.Tobi]

Hi, Cowparsleyman
Thank you very much
He sang, and he wrote the song _ both music and lyrics but all the playing in the record was done by session guitar player and the arranger-producer did the piano part and the bass and drums on the computer.
Thanx a lot for the Nashville and other advices
Best regards

 

Lovely playing and production, some tidy guitar and ePiano work, wasn't keen on the lyrics, nor the Vocal melody line, and the strings made it a little cheesy, but it probably needs it for the genre, maybe bring 'em down in the mix a bit...

...like many of the others said , Slick

Just a question, what role does Henry play in this? what instruments doe he play, is he the arrnager to? does he use session players?

Great work

cpm

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thanx a lot!

Smoooooth! Really classy jazz/pop, superbly executed.

Yup strings can go back a little in the mix but overall. Reminded me of all those great Steely Dan albums from the 70s.

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thank you very much for your opinion and advices

Hi
Agree with everyone the production is very slick. You have made overtures elsewhere on the forum about getting pro 'demos' done in Nashville or London. In my opinion (which doesnt have to be worth anything to you), you dont need a 'pro' demo, your production skills are just fine.
To be perfectly frank, what would stop this from being 'hit' is the songwriting. It sounds quite dated. To be a bit more constructive, I'll focus on the lyrics. What exactly is the message/story/emotion you are trying to get across? The line 'living a dream down in new york city' is repeated ad nauseam yet doesn't really resonate with...anything. Ok, so you think NY is great, I get that, but you need to get something across that is going to resonate with other listeners - something they can relate to or something they find interesting.
The production is slick, but the arrangement; all electric keyboards, synth strings and soft jazz guitars *screams* 80s/late 70s. Yes, styles and fashions go in circles but unfortunately (to me at least) this picks up all the parts that everyone else is leaving out of the merry go round....

It is hard to pick out anything specific to improve since the production is so polished that this song is obviously done and dusted. But, I would suggest two things:
- Listen to other, modern artists from whatever scenes you like. Probably pop/indie pop, perhaps folk. Discover what is currently cool in these genres and enjoy it, soak it up
- Challenge yourself to write something out of you comfort zone. Try a stripped back song with only acoustic guitar or writing lyrics about something you wouldn't normally. Get more personal than 'new york is great' and really take a risk.

[cowparsleyman]

Hi, Cowparsleyman
Thank you very much
He sang, and he wrote the song _ both music and lyrics but all the playing in the record was done by session guitar player and the arranger-producer did the piano part and the bass and drums on the computer.
Thanx a lot for the Nashville and other advices
Best regards

 

Lovely playing and production, some tidy guitar and ePiano work, wasn't keen on the lyrics, nor the Vocal melody line, and the strings made it a little cheesy, but it probably needs it for the genre, maybe bring 'em down in the mix a bit...

...like many of the others said , Slick

Just a question, what role does Henry play in this? what instruments doe he play, is he the arrnager to? does he use session players?

Great work

cpm

Hi Mrs Tobi

Henry would be most welcome here in this forum, I find it most intersting that he deals with us by proxy.

cpm

[PaulyX]

Hi
Well that was a warm bath for the ears.
Not groundbreaking, but slick and pleasant cocktail bar music, with a really nice flow.
I think I’d stop it around 3:57 though, it’s slightly long and I didn’t feel the last repeat of the chorus was needed.
Lovely electronic piano.
Pauly

[pnb]

Its very accomplished in terms of achieving that soft NYC sound, however the vocals need bringing forward in the mix. There's a lack of clarity and I can't make out the lyrics without effort. I would think the lyrics when set against such an established genre are crucial and deserve to be heard more clearly....other than that...hard to criticise..

[Mrs.Tobi]

Thanx a lot!

Hi
Well that was a warm bath for the ears.
Not groundbreaking, but slick and pleasant cocktail bar music, with a really nice flow.
I think I’d stop it around 3:57 though, it’s slightly long and I didn’t feel the last repeat of the chorus was needed.
Lovely electronic piano.
Pauly