[jamesh]

Star Gazing is about an imaginary meeting with an old flame and how it would pan out.

I wrote this song in my early 20s and Ive only just dusted it off and recorded it (Im 41!). The lyrics may be a bit slushy for some.

The backing track is quite big and used the sounds on my Yamaha S90 Keyboard to good effect I hope. Please excuse the dodgy tuning on my singing, I struggle with that somewhat!

This song doesnt have a middle 8 and is basicaly verse chorus verse chorus solo in structure. Does that work? Also, I may have over done it on the harmonizing, so I would value your views on that too.

I would love to hear a real vocalist sing it too, so if you are interested let me know.

Otherwise, thanks for listening.



https://soundcloud.com/james-homewood/stargazing


Did you ever make it to the moon?
Did you wash away the pain of your past?
Did the fire within you burn out too soon?
Have you found someone to love you at last?


Here we are a few years later
and I still havent found my way
Ive been standing here for all this time
Until we met today


Do you still beleive in fairy tales?
Do you spend your time walking by the sea
Do you still draw faces in the sand?
Do you every take the time to think of me


How strange it seams that our paths have crossed
and you still look the same
Even though the love we had is gone
something special my still remain


So take a moment now to reminisce
All the memories, made strong by a kiss
All the chances that we never took
Its so funny how the way things look
but it was life for you and I
Guess thats just the way things go as time goes by

[beckylucythomas]

Hi James!

I listened to this one the other day too, but i can't make soundcloud play on the computer i'm on today...

So for now I'll have to make do with commenting on the lyrics.... They're very sweet and simple. I think if i were to make a suggestion, I'd suggest that in the two verses that start "Did you ever" and "Do you still", i would try to find more of a definite theme and stick with it and develop it... For example, I think your lyrics work best where you talk about walking by the sea and drawing faces in the sand because the ideas are clearly related, so they help the listener to build up a bit of a picture of the person to whom you're singing (I really like those lines!). The other lines have some sweet ideas (though quite well used in many songs) but they don't have a theme or something that holds them together so they don't help to build up that picture in the same way...

Just a thought.

Then also, "It was life for you and I" should be "for you and me"..... which, I know, spoils your rhyme.... but if it were me i'd want to correct the grammar and find a different rhyme to fit... (sorry!!! I know that's borrrrrring!!!!)...... Unless the "and I" actually belongs to the next line, "and I guess that's just the way..." Also should the third from last line be "It's too funny now the way things look"? Because if it's "how", it seems like the line/sentence is unfinished...

I'll try to remember to come back for a listen later!

[beckylucythomas]

oh, ps, I realy like the title "Star Gazing" but the idea doesn't feature all that much in the song..... I think if it were me, I'd make that my theme.

[jamesh]

Hi Caco

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate the time you've spent to review the lyrics. Its the first "proper" song I've submitted, so the feedback is welcome.

It was written about a real person when I was younger, so the words I guess are what a typical teenager would write.

 The title was really about looking to the sky and letting my imagination run away with me, day dreaming(at night!) really. I thought it fitted, but I will see if I can come up with something more suitable.

The line "do you still draw faces in the sand" was actually written last month, so 23 years after the rest of the song. Maybe its a slightly more mature line, as a result. It replaced "do you listen to the sound of shells" which I thought was a bit rubbish.

There's a typo in the lyrics which should read "Its so funny how the way things look"

Thanks again.

James

[nooms]

very nice james
like the keyboard parts and little extras in the arrangment
bass phrases are lovely

i like your vocal actually and the harmony ideas tho you wander a little or unsure in places but thats confidence and will follow..
you have a really nice song here and well worth nailing to the wall..
good luck..

 

[onemanband]

Hi James,

      

I think Caco has done a wonderful review for you on this song.

        But I will throw in my two cents worth.
 
        The opening line I think is faultless, It relates to the tittle, with the cosmological theme. Also everyone at that age has had that talk with a girlfriend/boyfriend, before they taste the ashes of their dreams. So it is relatable, it instantly brought me into the song. I can't help thinking the rest of the first verse could do with being re-written, although it would be a hard ask to live up to that first line.

The rest of vereses and chorus I thought were all of a good standard, nice imagery as, has already been mentioned.

A suggestion for a line including the theme of your title,

   "Did you ever reach those distant stars
    that we to Gazed upon
    When we were young"

I agree also that the line "It's so funny how the way things look" should be changed to "now" lisenting to it is quite jarring, and takes you out of the song to exam "why?" that bit sounded wrong.

Musically , it sounded fine, althought that isn't an area i would be too confident offering direction on.

Good luck finding a singer, I'm sure you won't be short of offers, a nice track.

Maybe post it in the "collab" thread to find someone, if you haven't already.

Thanks for posting

Brendan.