[TO]

Just a concept at the moment, in two minds about whether it should should be bigger, bolder and slower like the instrumental (song has changed since I made the instrumental chord-wise), or faster, stripped down and understated like the acoustic. Only just started writing it but so not much there at the moment, but here's a taster!

http://soundcloud.com/alexbklyn/star-song-acoustic-vocal
http://soundcloud.com/alexbklyn/star-song-instrumental

Lyrics (Needs more work to help it flow):
Staring at the stars that are shining so bright,
But they are not the prettiest thing here tonight,
I hope that this before me is just as it seems,
Because this sort of thing we only get in our dreams.

Sleeping under the stars, oh I'm
Sleeping under the stars, oh I'm
Sleeping under the stars, oh I'm
Sleeping under the stars, with you.

[bewarethisboy]

Listened to all the vocal version and a minute or so of the instrumental. Firstly I really like both. And there is a really really nice song here. I guess what would be great is if you finished one or the other version really. The vocal version makes clear your thoughts on the melody and of course with the lyrical content - it has the potential to present the whole song and I would love to hear that version completed really - if that makes sense - I hope so. Like the feel of the song - like the melody. An observation - the melody is a little hard wired to where the guitar is heading - it might be nice to set it free a little - head down when the guitar heads up and visa verse perhaps – make the melody compliment the accompaniment – I think it might add a new dimension to the melody perhaps? There will be lots of better qualified advice through soon i am sure. But in short - great little song in the making. Love to hear either version - finished. Hope this helps a little BTB

[cheff daniel]

i would defenily choose for the instrumental version but with the vocal ofcourse. nice flowing melody and pointy rythm. lyrics and instrumentation needs work but its almost there.



gr.   Dan

[James Nighthawk]

Good foundations here

I would personally work on both versions simultaneously. Can't hurt as I am guessing the acoustic guitar can be used in both versions already.

Be careful of drum sound choices. The one's used here are a little bit over compressed an electro sounding. Search out some more organic samples and vary the hit values. Or get a drummer, should such a luxury be open to you!

The electric guitar riff is lovely. Make more of it. Bring it forward in the mix, but offset it in the stereo field should lead vocal room be required.

And RE your vocal - you have said you are a bit shy with it. The melody is there but you suffer from a tendency to sing just under the melody, pitch-wise. If you haven't done so already, try the following:

-improving you upperbody posture when singing
-sing with a gentle, not forced, smile.
-think more closey about the words as you sing them

This will likely improve diction and slightly raise the pitching. Often with singers I find these two tricks can work wonders if they are "close but not there yet".

[Schavuitje]

Hiya
I would agree with Chef on this. Vocals on the instrumental. By all means keep the acoustic too but
I liked the instrumental more... If it had the vocals on it haha
James is right about the drums although they wern't too bad.
He's right about the singing too and they are good tips 
Good song. Would love to hear it again after you have dabbled with it