[EattheChildren]

Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. I've been busy with life and other stupid things





Empire Crumbles

Everything's falling faster and faster
So you gotta climb up that social ladder
While the corporate swine get fatter and fatter
The nation decides that war's the answers

Fight! Wage war on yourself!
You must destroy what little's left!
Even though they cry out protest
We're torn apart by your unrest!

How can a nation stand on broken pillars?
An empire crumbles when it's run by liars
A broken country will be fed to the fires
Unless we learn to agree with our brothers

Fight! Wage war on yourself!
You must destroy what little's left!
Even though they cry out protest
We're torn apart by your unrest!

It's a broken nation
Backed by blissful ignorance
It's a crumbling empire
Full of self righteous arrogance
It's a shattered country
Divided at it's core
We made an imperfect system
And we're only wanting more

Fight! Wage war on yourself!
You must destroy what little's left!
Even though they cry out protest
We're torn apart by your unrest!

It's a broken nation
Backed by blissful ignorance
It's a crumbling empire
Full of self righteous arrogance
It's a shattered country
Divided at it's core
We made an imperfect system
And we're only wanting more

People say it isn't broke so you better not fix it
But if the system isn't broke then
what the fuck is?
A nation divided because the parties can't agree
That sounds like a broken system to me!

Fight! Wage war on yourself!
You must destroy what little's left!
Even though they cry out protest
We're torn apart by your unrest!

It's a broken nation
Backed by blissful ignorance
It's a crumbling empire
Full of self righteous arrogance
It's a shattered country
Divided at it's core
We made an imperfect system
And we're only wanting more

This is a rant about how I think it's stupid that the US government has to shut down just because the two parties (which are a terrible idea) can't agree. Anyway, if you have any advice or comments, please share them! I'd love to hear what you have to say, and I hope you enjoy these lyrics!

[Bernd]

The body's there, I think. Just a little 'tweaking' needed.

The use of "you" (albeit standing for "one"), "we", "me" and "they" looks a little muddled to me.

Some phrases could be stronger (sorry for disregarding the meter):

So you gotta climb up that social ladder => while we're trying to climb up the social ladder
And we're only wanting more => and we're lusting (or craving) for more

Two typos:

While the corporate swine get fatter and fatter => meant to be "swines" (plural), I guess

Divided at it's core = ... its core (inaudible, hence no problem; easier to read if fixed, though)


Cheers,
Bernd

[benjo]

hey,

some real feeling in this, I could almost hear you shouting this out at the likes of the greedy fat cats
and shit MP'S that run this wealthy country

                                    I do agree with above on parts but I like it
                                    but over all good write

                                                                       tony.

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I liked this.

It's a rant but a good factual one.

The situation could get even more complicated when they have to decide on whether to increase the 'debt ceiling' on October 17th.

Phil.

[beckylucythomas]

Hi eatthechildren!

Well......and i thought this was going to be an ode to a bag of sweets (cross between mint imperials and mint crumbles).....  

Your anger is palpable, that really comes through.

I think bernd made some useful suggestions - like the you/they/we thing in the chorus - would "even though we cry out protest" work? I wasn't quite sure who's who in the chorus, so i reckon just referring to "you" and "we" only, and not they, would help...unless it's necessary to refer to all three, but then i think you might need to make it clearer who we/you/they are.

And on "only wanting more" i agree it could be stronger with something like "craving" or "dying for" or maybe even something like "they make us kill for more"....? Maybe....

Also the "imperfect" of the preceding line could go stronger, like "broken" or something else as you've already used broken.... Hey if you really want to spit it out, you could go for "we made a f***ed up system"......

I think the plural of swine though is swine  

Great writing!!

[BooBoo]

I'm really not into politics and all that so I found it quite boring because of that. Just not my cup of tea. It all seems to flow nicely though and I also really like the first verse.

[Bernd]

Caco's right as for the swine (they're plural as well as singular). Weird language, the English...

[Innominate]

Do you need a lie down? You seem agitated, can I get you a tissue?

The angry tone really comes through nicely and the over all message is pretty relatable. I feel like it could benefit from having a repeatable chorus though. Something like,

Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah Fight! Blah Fight!

A song like this meant to stir anger and point out things that should be upsetting, gain a lot from a chant or slogan like chorus. Something to carry the overall message the song is intending. Just a thought.

"But if the system isn't broke then
what the fuck is?"

Oooh, that is good. I like that, that was nicely put.

Overall it's fairly ranty and the rhymes and flow aren't always spot on. It could use some editing and tinkering I think to iron out the wrinkles. All in all though I really liked it.

Cheers

[EattheChildren]

Do you need a lie down? You seem agitated, can I get you a tissue?

The angry tone really comes through nicely and the over all message is pretty relatable. I feel like it could benefit from having a repeatable chorus though. Something like,

Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah Fight! Blah Fight!

Do you need a lie down? You seem agitated, can I get you a tissue?

The angry tone really comes through nicely and the over all message is pretty relatable. I feel like it could benefit from having a repeatable chorus though. Something like,

Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah blah blah blah
Fight! Blah Fight! Blah Fight!

A song like this meant to stir anger and point out things that should be upsetting, gain a lot from a chant or slogan like chorus. Something to carry the overall message the song is intending. Just a thought.

"But if the system isn't broke then
what the fuck is?"

Oooh, that is good. I like that, that was nicely put.

Overall it's fairly ranty and the rhymes and flow aren't always spot on. It could use some editing and tinkering I think to iron out the wrinkles. All in all though I really liked it.

Cheers

A song like this meant to stir anger and point out things that should be upsetting, gain a lot from a chant or slogan like chorus. Something to carry the overall message the song is intending. Just a thought.

"But if the system isn't broke then
what the fuck is?"

Oooh, that is good. I like that, that was nicely put.

Overall it's fairly ranty and the rhymes and flow aren't always spot on. It could use some editing and tinkering I think to iron out the wrinkles. All in all though I really liked it.

Cheers

Thanks for this comment! I'm definitely working on flow, etc. but that idea for a chant is really interesting. I think at the end of the song, I'll add and extra verse in between two chants, and maybe musically slow it down to something a bit more acoustic that builds back into something heavy. Thanks so much for the insight!

[digger72]

Hi,

I like lyrics which have something behind them. Nothing better than a good old rant. So why not pass comment on something that seems silly - a few ego maniacs putting the lives of millions in disarray?

I agree with something punchy chant like/singalong. Rally the masses.

Get a few forumites to join in on vocals for a big chorus.

Cheers,

Digger

[hardtwistmusic]

This was extremely negative. 

I loved it. 

If you aren't angry and live in the U.S. you just aren't paying attention. 

When enough people get angry, we might actually change something.

[hardtwistmusic]

Caco's right as for the swine (they're plural as well as singular). Weird language, the English...

I've heard that English, Chinese, Japanese, and Russian are the most difficult of the Major Languages. 

I know some Russian people, and they just laugh when any of us try to speak their language. 

My son Studied Japanese, and he said it was the most difficult course he ever took.

[Jess]

I like the verses in this one and then for me the chorus and pre chorus things (the bits that were repeated) I didn't really feel. I think maybe I love Barack Obama too much that I don't want to be angry with him he's so adorable. I like the 'but if the system isn't broke bit ' too, definitely conveys a LOT of anger...maybe I should write a song about Michael Gove.......

I've heard that English, Chinese, Japanese, and Russian are the most difficult of the Major Languages. 

I had to learn Chinese for a year when I was 11... It's SOOO difficult and there is a different Picasso style drawing for every individual word. It came to my end of year exam and genuinely I ended up answering 'what do you call a deer with no eyes?' To each question...because I really had NO IDEA.